my heavy heart,

its fading heartbeat

the blood in my veins

slowly,

it bleaches


the color of my tears,

Are they pure?

or disgraceful?

I feel them cold,

running along my broken smile


Is it okay to cry?

It is okay to cry

Happy or sad?

I am glad I drowned my demons

but they were my only family

a sequence,

an alternate universe

growing up,

would I be happy?

watching the lines on your face

draw around yours eyes,

your smile

your temples,

changing from black to snow


it hurts,

it breaks,

watching a boy the other day,

when he cried out to mummy

why don't I know?

what it is?

how it is?

to run into a mother's arms

Did I forget?


Was I reminded?

of a face I once knew

looking back into the old days

when this heart graced in naivety

when foolishness was no crime

and fear was adventurous

"Mother"

"I cant hold on"

"I cant hold on!"


these blurry faces are deceitful

despicable

traded my soul for dust

can't roses be roses?

without the snakes,

crawling inside their gardens

it hurts,

it breaks,

Would I love again?

"choose to be happy for

the

stars

are always shining

even behind dark clouds"

rusty spoons,

broken chandeliers,

wasted berries,

empty glasses

dead wine


a love that fades,

faster,

than I could drink

cold,

but longing


the pleasure of nothingness

the touch of nothingness

the sound of nothingness

the taste of nothingness

screams,

and hundred dollar bills


a squeaking bed

Working behind closed doors,

pleasures known to a faceless man


she suffocates in her tears

"I am happy or sad?"

she wonders


It feels so wrong,

but so right

Is this where I belong?


within a rush of a fading high,

and the agony of a broken heart


my waning spirit,

it drifts in this endless cosmos

as I watch its infinite stars,

burning out,

one at time,


to when I become devoured,

into its black hole

with my tears to the skies

I cannot look into her eyes
the soul of a mother long gone

I hate my face in the mirror
I dread the stranger within

My sunken brown eyes are faded
Like the falling sand,
the statue of my self is erased

Life is a joke,
and I'm the clown
I perform to an empty theater,
and laugh at my own shadow

The voices are in my head,
the puppets and the songs
the whisperers and the screams

When I lay in the dark,
alone,

sometimes,
I close my eyes,
to the howls of the demons inside

Mother,
I'm married to the night

Someday I had hoped,
that when I'm done with my acts,

Maybe,
In the heavens,
where you live
We would laugh forever,
Like we always did