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Katie A May 2018
I love the way books have creases in the spines
that prove you have read them.

I love the way books can give you a story
but you get to decide how you interpret it

I love every time you read a book, no matter how many times you read it
you find something new that you have not recognized before

I love how books can make you laugh and cry
but how can relate to them more than anything

I love how books can inspire or discourage someone to do something
but either way it changed the way one thinks

I love how even in your darkest times
books offer an escape so you feel better about yourself

Books offer so much that I cannot
but I collect enough, maybe I soon will be able to
  May 2018 Katie A
Haylin
Whether its because of your body,
your weight,
your "friends",
the way you dress,
your sexuality,
your family ,
or your surroundings...
You've asked to read this poem for a reason and that one reason is suicidal thoughts.
Well let me ask and tell you a few things before you lift up that blade, before you go searching through the strongest pills you can find, and before you tie a knot in that rope.
Don't.
You have so much to live for!
Think of at least one special person in your mind.
Got one?
Okay.
They mean a lot to you, right?
Imagine how they would feel.
Imagine if one day they thought
"hey why don't I check up on him/her?"
Then walked into your house and seen you lying there, pulseless with a note laid next to you.
Maybe that would make them do the same, maybe it would make them follow in your footsteps and go straight after you, just so they don't have to go through the misery of knowing they will never see you again for as long as they live.
Maybe they won't take there lives,
but maybe they could be close.
Maybe they could start off self harming,
then stop eating and then start to have sleepless nights,
and if they did sleep,
they'd cry for hours beforehand,
draining themselves out in order to sleep.
What would your parents think?
What if they weren't the reason you did it and they thought they were the main cause.
What if they couldn't take it and they split up and messed up the whole family?
What if your friends and family were still alive but their lives were filled with nothing but despair and each and every one of them felt like their souls were ripped from them the moment you left, like they weren't really alive at all?
That would make you sad, right?
Well what if you had a boyfriend/girlfriend?
Maybe for some people they're the only person there for you through this rough patch,
am I right?
Well how do you think they would feel?
After fighting with you through all of these deep and dark days and then all of a sudden you gave up without warning. Not only giving up on yourself but on them too. Maybe they don't feel exactly what you feel, or have the same depressing thoughts as you, but it's sure as hell just as soul destroying i'm sure.

Look at your body.
You think it's disgusting don't you?
Well it's not.
I'm positive that it's not.
Because male or female,
you're all beautiful in your own way.
I'm pretty sure I know at least one person who would **** to have your body and would be more than happy to show it to the world :)

See those scars?
Of course you do.
You look at them every day and it makes you want to cut more and more every time you look.
But you don't need to feel that way.
All those scars mean is that you're a tiger who has earned their stripes,
it shows that's you're strong and even though you may have wanted to burst that vein yesterday, you're still here
And those scars you made yesterday are an applause. An applause from us all that you never made it up there and you're still with us.
You may not be happy,
but that will change.

No this isn't in a style of a poem,
it's more of a cry for help.
Little do you know that reading all of your posts and for some people,
reading your thoughts and looking through pictures you've sent me hurts me so bad.
And I'm begging for it all to stop for you all.
I'm not going to say "I'm begging for you to stop", because I know how hard that is for you and you can't just you know...
Stop.
I know that.
So I'm going to help you.
For whoever feels like they're alone in this you're wrong,
that's all going to stop here.
I may only seem like some girl that just wants to help.
And maybe I am to a lot of you,
but some of you know that not only do I WANT to help,
but I CAN help.
Believe it or not, to some people I have made a difference in their lives and the things I have said to them have made an impact on them.
No matter how big or small...
I'm here for you.
You don't have to feel scared or alone anymore.

This is one of the many poems I will be writing,
this one,
as you will know,
covers body issues, scars and the affects on others due to suicide.
Before you take your life,
Just stop,
Just think,
If this really worth it?
Am I going to let this monster take over me and win?

.......


That was a trick question, of course you're not. You're not giving in that easily.
You're worth so much more than that.
To at least someone,
you mean everything.
Don't let go, it's too soon.
Listen here,
Im not judging you.
Im not judging on your past or present and i'm not planning on judging you in your future either (yes, you will have a future)
Just remember,
I care.
There is a light at the end of every tunnel and i'm willing to help each and every one of you find it.
I love you all, never forget.
If anyone seeks help and wants to talk, message me privately and we can talk on there or I will give you my number.
Katie A Apr 2018
I don’t have butterflies in my stomach when I see you.
I have an entire zoo.

My heart pounds to the song the birds are singing,
and to that song the monkeys are swinging.

My heart knows but my brain cannot decide,
Peacocks wish to flash their beauty and prairie dogs wish to hide.

Lions roar and snakes reach out to you
but I ignore them and the feeling too.
second poem in a collection so if ya want to check out that that would be p cool
Katie A Apr 2018
What is the point?
Was I just put here to sit through classes and
understand information I will never use?
I want to be useful
MEANINGFUL
Give me something to believe in
To be passionate about
That MATTERS
Not just to me
But the world
I want to leave something for when I die
So I can be remembered
So my life matters more than just barely outside myself
I need purpose.
I need meaning.
Because if I don’t
Why am I even here?
ive had a lot of poems about my existential crisis idk why i keep coming back to this
Katie A Apr 2018
I do not know what I want.
I do not know if its you or them
but I do know that I do not want this.
I do not want to memorize useless facts
or formulas that I will never remember
I do not want a life that means nothing to someone
I do not want average
So what does my ideal life look like?
So far
not this.
idk why i keep posting about really depressing things but ya know
  Apr 2018 Katie A
CA Smith
Brick
        By
            Brick
A house is built
Hour
        By
            Hour
The house becomes a home
Day
        By
            Day
The home turns into memories
Year
        By
            Year
The memories turn into people
Century
        By
            Century
The people turn into stories
Story
        By
            Story
Stories turn into legends
Legend
        After
            Legend
History is changed
Piece
        By
            Piece
Lives are changed
Person
        By
            Person
Love is spread
One Love
        After
            Another
Bricks are purchased
That build houses
That turn into homes
That create memories
That turn into people
That turn into stories
That turn into legends
That change history
And it all started with
Just. One. Brick.
Sometimes it's tough when you are just laying bricks to see the end picture, but it makes a difference in the end! It can be so easy at times to feel like we aren't doing enough to help others or to grow ourselves, but one ripple affects the entire pond.
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