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Kathleen M May 2018
visions of you
an endless loop
still left to conquer
and i wonder
if these visions are
premonitions or
if they are just
dreams made of
broken
memories
my soul remains  
trapped in what
could have been
time passes when
i dull the pain with
caffeine and
routine
imagining your
gentle hands they
touch me and i'm
yours forever again
but
i open my eyes
and i'm blinded by
the emptiness
an empty nest  
today begins with
exercise
another sunrise
reminds me
that i'm
forever
without you
all over again
Kathleen M Mar 2019
a figure in the mirror
blurred vision
and she screams
WHO ARE YOU
inaudible crying
makes her ears ring
violently
and only in silence
jaws clenched
in fear of blindness
she prays to the Gods
nobody agrees with
begging for an identity
to quiet the chaos
she's praying for glue
something to stick
tired and sick
of the nausea
for no reason
give her a reason
just a meal that lasts
long enough
to end the hunger
the peddle that drives her
to change
over and over again
in search of a mask
just something to satisfy
a name to call herself
she begs to bloom
she begs to hatch
to let her be born
into herself
for once
to end the cycle
to be not the picture
painted by others
drawn with crayon pencils
outside the lines
and in all the wrong
colours
Kathleen M Oct 2018
touch my face and feel my gut
it's knotted up, punctured and twisted
with knives of lovers lost
look at me with shame and forget me
no longer call me by my name, brother
i'm barren from the child i chose not to let be
yet still swollen from the emptiness
stepping on nails, sharp as i pace back and forth
tattered soles and tattered souls
can't overcome the obstacle without proper shoes
end my suffering with a needle or two
let ooze the regretful sorrow that feeds on my sanity
drain the abscess that is my conscience
my conscious mind
it throbs beneath my skin
and whispers secrets from hell, ear to ear
on sunny days
tiny voices and threatening reminders
of crimes not yet repented
committed in fear of solitude
ways to escape unknown, unwanted
negligent to what could be
because the what is distracts me
traps me
i must first love myself
to be loved by you
everyday is a chance to recreate
we know that
our limbs grow longer ingesting opportunity
but hear me when i shout to you from the asphalt
the world unwillingly grows smaller and smaller
and chances are slimmer, slander
ensures
luck be eradicated
because pieces of us
have been
amputated
In reflection of my observational experience with the community of addicted individuals living on the streets of downtown Vancouver, I attempted to put myself in the shoes of the less-privileged to help me understand the cyclical, inescapable lifestyle so many struggle with everyday in our country.
Kathleen M Oct 2018
little white envelope
sealed with a promise
just like the others
open to find means to a better end
no bitter ends will you let begin
colourful notes meant to read
i love you
words not easily spoken
through clenched teeth
jaws locked
rusted with time
years spent unhinged
uncontrolled
spoiled words spoken between lips
unforgiving winds
their destruction still left to rebuild
tension releases by passing annum
moments spent in silence
make way for healing
and days left to heal with you are unknown
days left are precious
words are simple
beholden to their potential
barriers thin but exist nonetheless
not in contempt
but in habit
detox made easier by bullet holes
ghosts
of past attempts to infiltrate
your kingdom
of fatherhood
Kathleen M May 2019
her skin
looks like the sunset
its promise
sounds like her voice
strong
soft
and humble
singing songs of
witful phrases
the earth's spine shivers
in delight
of her footsteps
treading lightly
teaching ways of wonder
by seeing through the eyes
of children
and speaking in tongues
of brilliance
she is a flower
my mother
dancing
welcoming the rain
forgiving the clouds
and blooming
in sunlight
Happy Mother's Day!
Kathleen M Apr 2018
like the devil you thrive on bodies who fear
your roar when you open your mouth so wide and
lie like the thief who cares for nothing but
time and money that can only be earned but you
expect that it come from the labour of those around you.
Kathleen M Apr 2018
addicted to the feeling of love so much that you
cry when you can't have your way with whoever you want but you
refuse the affection if it's received before given and you
wonder and wonder why you're always so lonely.
#love
Kathleen M Oct 2018
fell in love with yesterday's smile
a photo at the beach
its thousand words i wished to hear you speak
though they not went unheard
by these eager ears
and hungry eyes
i was famished by the need for you
my lonely heart throbbed an unfamiliar rhythm
a silent mating call
and i heard you then, too
mind flooded with premonition
and demolition
of heinous memories
of previous torturers
employed by heaven
to learn me something
worthy of heirloom
wisdom for my time
and for the times to come
fell in love with yesterday's smile
before our faces met
your photo at the beach
spoke to me in languages not of my mother
its words transcend the time i worship
for now what i worship is you
Kathleen M Jun 2018
i only miss you when i'm almost sleeping
and i have thought of you often tonight

how it used to feel sliding into the sheets at night
red tartan fleece won at your office Christmas party
the first thing that was ever ours
cold at first until you were beside me
barriers made between us by pillows
but our noses still touch in the darkness
my fingers hold the soft hair behind your ears
and i stare at you under northern lights
your eyes close and i wonder what you'll dream of tonight
and if i can save you from it if i have to
your warm breath in my face
i breathe it in like oxygen
filling my lungs with you
safe from beneath our comfort blanket

memories vivid like they were moments ago
visions fade and my eyes burn
i'm here alone in my own sheets
plain white and cotton
wondering how i survived this many nights without you
holding my breath
Kathleen M Apr 2018
sparks ignite the fire
when he looks her in the eyes
she can feel the heat closing the gap
that will only eventually smother them
Kathleen M Apr 2018
Her vulnerability could be measured in
knives wedged between her shoulder blades
#heartbreak
Kathleen M Sep 2018
you'd not have imagined
that you'd spend
ten years
relying on daydreams
to subdue the numbness
of sleepless nights
and endless battles
within your own mind
and your own heart
and many men
who said they were
but weren't the one
until he looked at you
through blue eyes
familiar and unfamiliar
as if you were looking
right back at yourself
loving unconditionally
forgiving unconditionally
healing unconditionally
like the saviour that his eyes
had promised he'd be to you
with every blink
and hand in hand
he will deliver you to his heaven
and you will never again
see a greener pasture
Kathleen M Apr 2019
if i had known that the pain
i'd have to endure by you
would eventually earn me him
i would cut my own wrists
and watch them bleed
i'd let you
wound me with your vocal weapon
i'd beg you
wrap your hands around me
around my swollen neck
bruise my heart until you're satisfied
and leave me in pieces
spread them far and wide enough
so that he will find me
somewhere
find me everywhere
leave me empty enough so that he can
fill me up and mend the cracks
of my battered surface
let him be the soil that sows my seed
the core to my being
then we shall grow together
and bloom in unison
forevermore
in sunlight
Kathleen M May 2018
fingers fluent in language spoken in hushed tones
bodies illuminated by electric currents
convergence
hands that glide across the surface
leaving no inch untouched
hungry for lunch
heat rising from the sheet
blood pulsing to the beat of the
headboard
banging and begging for mercy
from the beginning to end
feet twisting
heels digging
at the addiction
sparks ignite fire from friction
burning through exposed skin like newspaper
devouring each other
connection made slick like butter
arousing the fuse by
lighting matches in the dark
triggering
an explosion.
Kathleen M Jul 2018
gone are the days
that you seek the
approval of men
who seek the
approval of men
through lies told
between your lips
for the lies of
whom enter you
between the lips
for living proof
that they may
have you just
however and just
whenever they
want to yet how
Scarlet you are
made to seem
if just to admit
that you may
ever want them
to have you.
Kathleen M May 2018
she hesitates
in sight of the world’s imperfection
but then she remembers
every man she has ever loved
was flawed beyond words
but all she could ever see
was their beauty
Kathleen M May 2018
the beat drops
and bodies move
around her they
drip sweat that
tastes like regret
pushing passed
with conviction
on a mission to
own the night
like the DJ said
searching for a
familiar face but
these people are
all the same person
dancing to sounds
made by computers
composed to be
louder than voices
and good choices
she’s drinking the
poison that tastes
good on her lips
but makes her
head spin and
commit sins but
it’s worth the
headache and
the heartache
not to feel
lonely
Kathleen M Jul 2018
she approached at the door of our fortress
wielding her weapon of love
forged in tears and old flame
drawn and ready to strike you
retrieve you
imprison you
overthrow me
though she'll never know,
your panic dazzled her intentions
and hidden from within the closet
i trembled in the darkness
in fear and in anger
awaiting her judgment
and i cursed you
for the curse you had put on me
the same curse she had put on you
i swore that she'd been your best kept secret
when in fact,
your best kept secret was me
Kathleen M Apr 2018
she couldn't believe how much that he dazzled her
soul with his fingertips only brushing her
arm while he was passing her by
accidentally
Kathleen M Jan 2020
the waves
colder than expected
hoping they will wash me
wash away my affection for
you

bleeding out
until i am empty
every last drop of
you

floating on the surface
water in my ears
but inside i still hear
you

hallucinations
whispering promises
begging me to return to
you

twenty thousand miles
between us
one million lies and still
there is only
you

one world
one me
one you

and many oceans
but the only one i see
reminds me of
you

drowning in the sorrow
but somehow peaceful
it is sinking
into the nothing
that remains of
you
Kathleen M Apr 2018
memories of friendship
sung in the key of laughter
smiling as you remember
real love
gone unnoticed
until it is missed
surrounded by those who celebrate success
even yours
that is how it should be
real friends love you even when you fail
fake friends love you only when you fail
fake love
gone unnoticed
until it is missed
loneliness is hard to predict when
you are surrounded
Kathleen M Apr 2018
they say
find somebody who inspires you
she was inspired by the lines on his face
each told a story of laughter
wisdom whispered between his teeth
eyes
full of dreams
she'd get lost of she weren't careful
poached by their potential
but she kept looking
because
hearts still beat without sobriety
hope harvested from the elephant in the room
like ivory
Kathleen M Aug 2018
he plays the song
for you that makes
your hips dance and
that makes you feel
like a goddess
his fingers stroke
the treble chords
of the instrument
between the folds
of your womanhood
the beat of his tune is
synchronized with
the rhythm of your
heart pounding melodies
against your chest
he reaches out to you
with hungry eyes
that make you beg  
for more before he
has even begun
his body locked in yours
like a puzzle piece
only one possible match
could fit you
this well.
Kathleen M May 2019
my heart aches
for the women
who must relive
the trauma
for those who will
exist in fear
of their own bodies
and be punished
for their humanity
responsible
for the choices
made for them
by others
those who must
overcome
shadows of shame
designed by radicals
to satisfy
displaced morals
to rectify
personal limits
in a selfish world
women do not need
reverse philanthropy
women need
body sovereignty
our world
does not need
profound opinions
to thrive
your beliefs
are not fact
and women
are safer
without
them

— The End —