Katherine Laslie

Katherine Laslie Apr 2017

There is nothing
That breaks my heart
More

Those that have passed

Seeing my grandfather
Struggle to live
And his mind
It's fading fast

He sat in his hospital bed
And asked his second son
Where's my mom?
Where's my mom?

She has been dead for five years now
He said after being asked
A fourth time

Reminds me of my uncle
Who lets his phone
Go to voice mail every single time
Because when he hears the recording
It puts a sad smile in his eye
A recording of his wife

The first time I'd heard it
I had nearly cried
Touching as it may be
It hurts all the same

Giving a false hope of life
But death
Is a permanent place

We long to hear them
One last time
See them
One last time
Maybe even just to say
Goodbye

But all of these desires
Bring us pain
Give us a false hope
That maybe they're not
So far away

Even if I wish the same
I will never live
In yesterday

Because I know
That within the present
That piece of her that
Blessed my life
Remains within my heart
And will reside
Until the day that I, too
Will die

#love #death #separation #hope #disappointment #depression #loss

Katherine Laslie Apr 2017

Dreams Going Nowhere

I've been dreaming
Of gleaming lights
And long nights
Where we'd stay up
Until the sun would rise
I've been living on
Hopes and fears
For all these years
To carry me to the stars
So you might see me where you are
So many hearts I've left broken
So many lives, I've left behind
For every word I'd left unspoken
I'd given up on trying
I'd given up

A little laugh to ease the pain
Another lie to wash away
I won't let others see
The way I'm hurting inside
These dreams are all I have
The only constant thing that carries me
When I begin to fall into despair

I've been dreaming of
Gleaming lights
That shine as bright as my heart
I want the world to hear my voice
To understand what I have to say
I want to know what it means
To save a life with every key
I want my words to hold you tight
Feel safe inside
But I'm stuck right where I am
So far from you
Dreaming of ways
To get you through
Yet I can't even carry my self

Katherine Laslie Apr 2017

Dreams Going Nowhere

I've been dreaming
Of gleaming lights
And long nights
Where we'd stay up
Until the sun would rise
I've been living on
Hopes and fears
For all these years
To carry me to the stars
So you might see me where you are
So many hearts I've left broken
So many lives, I've left behind
For every word I'd left unspoken
I'd given up on trying
I'd given up

A little laugh to ease the pain
Another lie to wash away
I won't let others see
The way I'm hurting inside
These dreams are all I have
The only constant thing that carries me
When I begin to fall into despair

I've been dreaming of
Gleaming lights
That shine as bright as my heart
I want the world to hear my voice
To understand what I have to say
I want to know what it means
To save a life with every key
I want my words to hold you tight
Feel safe inside
But I'm stuck right where I am
So far from you
Dreaming of ways
To get you through
Yet I can't even carry my self

Katherine Laslie Mar 2017

Legacy

My heart is aching
As the earth thaws from Winter's
Cold embrace

Spring is a time
For new life. New beginnings
Yet I am stuck here in the same place

I yearn to see a world
In full color
Like I did when I was younger

Never feeling the shame
And the painful things
That the emptiness of this world brings

What is this life?
It's meaning...
If not nothing, in the end.

I'd rather die
Than lead a full life
And never leave anything behind

If I live beyond tonight
I want my life
To overflow with meaning

All I want is for you to remember me

#love #life #death #hurt #legacy

Katherine Laslie Mar 2017

Stains of my Soul

What could they do?
What would they say?
I have scars all over
My blemished flesh
Would they shun me?
For being more in tune to my suffering
Would they send me away?
Shove a pill past my lips
And tell me I'm okay

I just want to feel hope again
Want to be washed clean
Of these physical scars
That have caged me
I want to let go of this
These feelings that I get
More than anything, I'd rather
Die than just pretend

I want to go home
It's a strong urge I cannot shake
But I'm sitting in my bedroom
So tell me, if this isn't home
Then what is??
Would I rather lie inside my grave?
Would I decide to wake up
and live just another day?

Could you fill my heart with hope
Instead of this sorrow that
I've come to know too well?
They can wash the blood off of my hands
But the stains on my soul
Could be never cleansed

They could try for a thousand years
To try to convince me
That this is all worth the tears
But the fact of the matter is
Nothing could ever change
Because upon my soul
Is one large black stain

BUT THE STAINS ON MY SOUL
COULD NEVER BE CLEANSED

AND THE STAINS ON MY SOUL
WILL NEVER BE REPENT

NO, THE STAINS ON MY SOUL
WILL NEVER BE CLEANSED

#dark #insanity #help

Katherine Laslie Mar 2017

My Good Friend

Directly in sight
I can see you again
Three whole years
Have come and went
I never thought
We would speak again
Despite how badly
I've missed you, my friend

Our lives have changed
We're all grown up
But when I talk with you
Not a moment has passed
We're still the same
Rebellious kids we were
Back in the day

I love you
I've missed you
Won't you call me your friend?
I feel more complete
With your arms around me
As you carry me
Through each hard time

You were the one I relied on
I've cried upon your shoulders
We've laughed together
Cried together
Went through life together
Until life took us apart

Welcome back
Into my life
It's good to see you
Once again
I've missed your face
Longed for your words
I've missed you
My good friend

#life #friendship #separation

Katherine Laslie Mar 2017

Deathwish

Is it so bad to be the way I am?
I can barely convince myself
To get out of bed
If I'm not sleeping all day

To be reminded to eat
Or reminded what happened yesterday

I get so dizzy, I fall down
Get so tired that my whole body
Shuts down

And there are even days
When I hate myself
So strongly, that I want nothing more than to punish myself for living
I don't even want to die out of pity
But I feel like I am so toxic
That I deserve to die
I deserve all the pain the world has to offer

When anything bad happens in my life
Anymore, I don't hardly get upset
I merely accept it, and say that's what I get
For being who I am

I don't even want to live
I'm so high on medication
And yet I can't image lasting
One moment in my natural mind

I want to die
I want to die
I think about it all the time
Look into my eyes
And tell me it'll be alright
It'll only be another lie

#suicide #death #insanity #toxic