you're not sleeping well,
every next new pill
is but a means to an end,
and it barely means anything at all.
if you dream, you fall,
and that fall's prolonged
by every mantra that someone
advised you to try,
by every breathing exercise
to the sound of the rain or the sea,
and the only thing you see
is the fear of losing your mind.
there's no chemical relief
as there is no magic spell,
for what it's worth
you've tried everything
just to keep your eyelids closed
a little longer.
nothing's working,
you're not sleeping well.

I enter the bathtub filled with warm water
To wash away the stress and trauma.
The liquid which used to bring me so much comfort
And so much fear.

The water i used to warm my hands with,
The water i used to make food i hoped no one knew about,
The water i gave my dying dog,
The water that kept me alive.

And i sit there, thinking about it.
About everything that can happen
In the span of 4 years.
Earth is a strange place indeed,
As it is filled with water.

If they knew what happened yesterday
What would they say?
What would she say to her man
If everything went according to the plan?

If she knew the pain i feel
Would she still think it's not real?
Would she regret the things he had done?
If after all of this, i will be gone.

Lost in addictions
And my own sorrow
My whole life a fiction,
With no tomorrow.

I write this words for me to remember
That i was once a child as well.
About what happened this December
And that i went through hell.

Many
          footprints
                          on my heart
                                               yet
                                                    yours
   ­                                                          more apparent

Stomp, stomp, stomp
Here come the footsteps meaning to unalive me

Stab, stab, stab
The knife is doing its work

Drip, drip, drip
The blood slowly drips on the floor
From which i may not pick myself up anymore.

I didn't want to study,
Nor did I want to play,
I just sat motionlessly,
For it was a long day.

I didn't want to get up,
Nor did I want to lie down.
I fell like I am breathless,
I'm drowning in the crowd.

People of all the ages,
People that don't even care,
Won't judge what's in my pages,
Why the hell am i so scared?

And I'm hugged by the dark,
Who invited me to stay.
And I snapped out of bed,
It's gonna be a long day.