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 Aug 2020 kaehaniya
sarah crouse
Breathing deeply, I close the door.
Back to the wall, I sink to the floor.

Heart beating fast as tears burn my eyes.
I hug my knees tightly, I'm half my size.

It's all too much, I've had enough.
I run to my room when life gets rough.

Outside they yell and cry and strafe
but here these four walls keep me safe.

They hide me from the outside world
so I can lay in blankets, curled.

I run and hide and find my escapes
and try to forget my cuts and scrapes.
“Robin Williams didn’t die from suicide. I only just heard the sad, sad news of Robin Williams’s death. My wife sent me a message to tell me he had died, and, when I asked her what he died from, she told me something that nobody in the news seems to be talking about.
When people die from cancer, their cause of death can be various horrible things – seizure, stroke, pneumonia – and when someone dies after battling cancer, and people ask “How did they die?”, you never hear anyone say “pulmonary embolism”, the answer is always “cancer”. A Pulmonary Embolism can be the final cause of death with some cancers, but when a friend of mine died from cancer, he died from cancer. That was it. And when I asked my wife what Robin Williams died from, she, very wisely, replied “Depression”.
The word “suicide” gives many people the impression that “it was his own decision,” or “he chose to die, whereas most people with cancer fight to live.” And, because Depression is still such a misunderstood condition, you can hardly blame people for not really understanding. Just a quick search on Twitter will show how many people have little sympathy for those who commit suicide…

But, just as a Pulmonary Embolism is a fatal symptom of cancer, suicide is a fatal symptom of Depression. Depression is an illness, not a choice of lifestyle. You can’t just “cheer up” with depression, just as you can’t choose not to have cancer. When someone commits suicide as a result of Depression, they die from Depression – an illness that kills millions each year. It is hard to know exactly how many people actually die from Depression each year because the figures and statistics only seem to show how many people die from “suicide” each year (and you don’t necessarily have to suffer Depression to commit suicide, it’s usually just implied). But considering that one person commits suicide every 14 minutes in the US alone, we clearly need to do more to battle this illness, and the stigmas that continue to surround it. Perhaps Depression might lose some its “it was his own fault” stigma, if we start focussing on the illness, rather than the symptom. Robin Williams didn’t die from suicide. He died from Depression*. It wasn’t his choice to suffer that.”
 Jul 2020 kaehaniya
sarah crouse
soaring high up in the sky
he lets out a joyful cry
he has his wings spread out wide
and has his heart filled up with pride

The sunbeams down at him
while he dives on a whim.
As a smile plays upon its lips,
The sun tightens its scalding grip

'Icarus is flying too high' they sigh
as he lets another joyful cry
'but I won't make the same mistakes' he thinks
as he flies closer to the brink.
 Jul 2020 kaehaniya
sarah crouse
I look to you once again
to see if you notice my pain.
You look at me completely baffled
unaware of what I've battled.

Is it too much to ask for validation
for you to share in my frustration
I'm not asking you to understand
acknowledgement is all I demand

I want you to see that it happened
not live in ignorance and think I imagined.
They say 'It is what it is,' and that is true
I just want you to say that you knew.

I want to know that I'm valid
no need to sing me a ballad
Just tell me what I already know
no need to wrap it in a bow
Just be very avid
about the fact that I am valid.

— The End —