Here’s something you seldom hear: don’t always listen to your heart. Because if your heart is like mine, it’s often fickle and confused. Emotions aren’t always true, they may come and go with the wind. Feelings trick us into believing lies. You look in the mirror and feel inadequate. You hear something so many times that you start to believe it’s true. You take a situation and manipulate it till it’s something completely false. But it’s time you start listening to your head: you may not be in control of what you feel, but you are in control of how you handle those feelings. Look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I know I am beautiful.” Refuse to believe the lies. Remind yourself of your many wonderful qualities. Don’t read too far into things, take them as they are. Worrying doesn’t change tomorrow, it just makes today more troublesome. Decide to be happy. Decide to be okay. Don’t believe everything you feel.

3/5/2014

Decisions,
Directions,
Conflicts,
Connections.

Who's to say I know best?
Everyday is just a test.

To move or to stay.
To breathe or decay.
To love or abate.
To rebel or obey.
To commit or to stray.

Every kiss begins with K,
but then you factor in fate.
I lead a life of ambition,
with no room for indecision.
But I just don't know what's next.
All I do is try my best.

I can't complain or compare,
The results would be unfair.
I have lots, and others little,
yet life, still gets fickle.

I have little family and fewer friends,
who stay until the end?
I'm not worried or sad.
I just wish that I had:
stayed,
prayed,
paid,
or given away.

You live and you learn.
You decide and get burned,
but thus is life.
Everything happens for a reason.
We'll see what happens next season.

Time.
Time to pick.
Time to choose.
Time to stick.
No time to lose.

Compare.
Contrast.
Pro vs Con.

"Decisions, decisions."
I knew all along.

Some days I feel I will drown in my own melancholy. Swallowed up by the need for elegance. Waves of thought silently crashing into me.

you love him
you love his smooth hands and his rough cheek
you love your hands in his denim shirt
and the cinematography of you together
everything else is an afterthought

the knife in his eyes that is not always pointed at you
but when it is
you kiss the fist that rattles plates
the lips that wrap around clenched teeth
melt him

fail to understand his poison tipped arrows
that are aimed at the mother who threw bottles
if he could only pick one more fight it'd be with his father
you kiss him when he knocks his brother's teeth out

he leaves in the morning for coffee and comes back a day later
welcome him with open arms and abundant questions
he will be a tower of irritation and concrete
he will point fingers that will curl into fists
but they are not fists for you
they are for the devils that dance within him
and behind his wild eyes
and in his childhood home

you will not be fooled
he loves you
you know by every sweetheart and the lips on your forehead and the way he smells in between the sheets each night

he leaves
he comes back
purple flowers that bloom around his eyes are the bouquets he brings home for you
the front porch sags when he puts his hands in his pockets
his face buried in your chest
on nights when the lamp swings a little too low
and his body is wracked with sobbing and shoulders shaking

he mourns the gentle temper he never had
he mourns what he would be like without you
he mourns what you would be like without him
this is how he loves you

your hands in his hair easing soothing shh shh
you are the mother who left
you are better than every last ex-girlfriend
for reasons he will be happy to name
this is how you love him

you came because you are drawn to the shipwrecks
but you stayed in the water for him
ancient child
furious soul
you salt his wounds
and then you clean them
this is how you love him

Oh how things have changed.
I used to bury my face in your jacket,
Now I miss your smell.
The flavor of longing has left a dismal taste in my mouth.
  
Oh the times we had,
Playing in the fruit trees.
It brought me a feeling I cant have back.
Looking at that black and white picture of us;
I miss you even more.

And the last time I saw you,
I swear the tears where near.
Because betrayal is a punch to the heart.
I cant take this anymore.

There is an emptiness within,
It's thicker than this March snow.
Because you left me so fast,
And I cant take this anymore.