At night,
I always wonder...
If they knew what I'd been through,
Would they still like me?

I wish...
That what other people wanted,
  I also always wanted
Because then I would never have to choose Between being selfless and being myself.

I’ve waited for you
But now I’m just waiting
Wanting indefinitely
I’m uncertain
I long for more
Because this life isn’t true
This life isn’t what I live for

I walk a fine line in life...
I could avoid stepping on the cracks,
Tip toe in silence
Follow the rules
Try to be perfect
And ask,
“What the hell is wrong with me?”
When I don’t get it right
Or maybe
I could pick flowers
Skip on the sidewalk
Color outside the lines, sometimes
And finally be okay with getting my hands *****.

i hate to be on the sidelines
and watch you suffer.
so many things are keeping us apart.
my hand is stretching,
yet my reach is too short.

I’m a little sad, I hate to admit it.
I’ve worked so hard and I’m happy.

But sometimes I’m not.

And it’s hard to accept
That due to no fault of my own,
I can become sad sometimes.

And now I’m sitting in it.

Uncomfortable,
But I’ll get used to it.

I listen,
And it takes me back.
“A little while longer,”
I tell myself.
And although I hold onto hope,
Sometimes I let myself slip through the cracks
Of this endless cycle of dreams, deaths, and everything in between.

Nobody loves me,
Because they don’t know
who I really am.
And how can you love someone
Who doesn’t exist?

I won’t stop until I make you mine
If I wear eyeliner, will my blinking eyes catch your attention?
If my lips are lined with red will you want to kiss them?
I’ll bleach my smile, curl my hair
Buy new sweaters, and a nice blue dress
I won’t give up for the rest of time
I won’t stop until I make you mine

She could try to greet me
She could just say hi
But she just eyes me daily
Avoiding looking in my eyes
I try
I try
I try
But she never smiles
I try
I try
I try
But it means nothing at all

Why do we force a smile,
And let the people lead?
Anxiety will end the “us”
And it will leave the “me”

Live on air,
Like I do
Change the subject
To lighten the mood
Pick up the pace,
Then fall behind
Stop caring too much
Fall back into line.

The days feel like poking a bruise
Or like bumping your leg into the table
You forget that the staining is there,
A small purple, blue, green universe
The pain is an unwelcome reminder
Of an unwelcome, life-changing event
Then the days blur together in phases
The waves of emotion rise and fall again
I’m wrapping my mind like a present
The tape keeps getting stuck on my hands
And I keep collecting the pieces
And yet, none of them seem to fit
It’s an internal, external struggle
A dissonant existence
You left us here, you did this
And abandoned with no way to fix it.