Dear me,

One day, you’ll see,
That a small meal makes a victory.
But until then,
Again and again,
You’ll keep purging,
And pinching,
And dreaming;
That one day,
You’ll be just as skinny,
As you wish you could be.

my email is full of weight loss programs
and diet pills
and purging tips
and suggested videos on how to be pretty.

I'm not sure if any of this is helping.

i'm exhausted
of Rx bottles and diagnostics
of appointments and waiting rooms
confusions and delusions
of crying on the bathroom tile
and losing track of time
inhaling and exhaling just to stay alive

life's a crowded room if you ask me.

I feel so sick
I don't know what to do anymore
I never feel good about myself anymore
I feel like I look like a ****** twenty-four seven
I feel like I never look good
Even when someone tells me I'm pretty, I never believe it
I feel so ugly
I feel so fat
I feel like I can't ever do anything right
I've tried to push my disorder down and hide it
But I can't do that anymore
I eat till I feel sick
When I feel sick I let that feeling go away in the toilet or shower
I throw up until there is nothing left inside me
I still feel sick after that
I feel like my parents will find out
I don't look sick but I feel sick
I don't want to feel sick anymore
I need help
But I can't ask for help
Then my parents and family will find out that something is wrong with me
Why do I have to be sick?

Your top lip is like the bottom
just upside down
But your heart is just like mine
only the other way around