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today makes 10 years
and it's ironic that
you died
around Valentine's Day
because
your favorite color
was always pink
you were beautiful
and you suffered
and it was not beautiful
but you were beautiful
you are beautiful

this poem will not be sad
because you are not sad
I did not cry today
because you wouldn't have
wanted me to
I cooked myself scrambled eggs
and set two places
at the table
I wore a dress for you
I put on lipstick for you
elegance was the house you built

today I chose to love because
I love you
I am a woman because
you showed me how to be one
I sat in the back yard
between the tall pine trees
because I haven't forgotten
how much you loved to garden
I'm sorry your gentle might didn't
translate into my clamoring bones
I am too much me to be soft like you

I wrote your name on my desk today
without the vowels
I still know it's you but it's not there
like I want it to be
showing me how to plant flowers
how to make light with my ***** hands
because of you, whom I love
because of you I love
for my beautiful grandmother, who was like a mother to me; thank you for showing me love that abounds even through death.
I'm not ready to forget you yet.
 Feb 2015 Johnny Gillespie
a
razors pain you
rivers are damp
acid stains you
drugs cause cramps
guns aren't lawful
nooses give
gas smells awful,
you might as well live.
life is just an open casket
death will never let us hide
we take turns walking past it
veil of black, someone died

time is only here for now
tomorrow, we might be gone
we keep going on somehow
hoping not to be the next one

life is just an open casket
death will never let us hide
there's no way to outlast it
sooner or later, you're inside
Some things never change
    


      The circular stains on the ceiling above my 
heart shaped bed didn't exist under that rule

  Sometimes they *seemed
constant
           And sometimes that made me feel ok
            
        But other times, as I lay in bed,
            Somewhere near the halfway point between laying down and falling asleep,
       I stared up at them and they moved
         Left and right
Ellipsing each other,
    Becoming ovaloid in shape

Sometimes they simply flitted away, vanished


    I thought them gone,
But they continued to return.

They would not be so remorseless as to leave and not look back to see the blank space they had left.

     So my little circular stains stayed for a while.

    I was happy looking up in wonder at something I could never understand but never dared question.

   Until one day I simply wasn't. My interest in the stains steadily faded until I began to drift off on my side staring out the window, searching for owls I could hear but not see. These sounds made me hope.

They made me open the windows I had locked tight.
They made me breathe.
    
    Those sounds lull me to sleep even now.

*And I've stopped looking for the circles completely
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