(You look so lost )

Like a ship sailing aimlessly
Lost in oblivion
Solitude becoming its closest friend

(Your mind)

Like a clouded day intermittently
Showing a glimmer
Of the sun

Where have you gone dad

Somewhere in a far off land
From which there is no return

I touch your hand calling your name
You respond with confusion
Anger and fear
Who are you ? You ask
When I explain
You deny me once again
All those years of love and memories wiped
Just as the tears from my face

I see you
But no longer do you see me
My heart aches longing to reconnect
I stand     hug you goodbye

Then you say my name
We both cry
Today for us the sun has shone again........

If someone pulled me from the inside out
Would they still like what they see?
Such things I hide behind
Are not always with intent to deceive
Do I have an intriguing mind?
Or better yet...
Do I have a beautiful heart?
Shouldn't these be the most important parts
I wear masks to disguise the pain
Underneath a river of lies fall down like rain
Should this river of lies drown me?
Or does it just make me grow
a thicker shell for all to see

I cried today
Because I realized that I
no longer expect you
to walk through the door.

I don't look at the corner
of the back yard
expecting to see you there
working on something.

I don't plan our dinners
based on your favorite foods
or worry over when the food
hits the table.

We eat when we eat
We eat whatever
It really no longer matters
You were the picky one.

I cried today
Because I realized
something that broke my heart....
I'm used to you being gone.

Storm clouds.
Grey.
Black.
Flashing lightning.
1. 2. 3. 4. 5--
Rumbling thunder.
It chills your bones.
Shouting.
Yelling.
A man's voice.
A child's soft, muffled cry.
Cold skin.
Chills
Spidering up and down my spine
Over and over and over.
A woman sobbing softly.
Flashing lightning.
1. 2. 3--
Rumbling thunder.
Cold wind.
Rain.
It falls in sheets.
Feels like little blades of ice
Piercing my skin.
Screaming.
Slamming doors.
Cars driving away.
Gravel.
A child wailing.
It fades into a soft, distant whimper.
There aren't enough tissues for all their tears.
The wind picks up.
It howls.
Trees bend to its' will.
Some threaten to fall.
The rain comes down harder,
Faster.
Like sheets of bullets.
They're so cold,
I almost don't feel them.
I almost feel nothing.
And nothing and nothing and nothing and nothing and nothing and nothing and nothing

And then: You.

And then there was you.

Sunlight,
Straining through Autumn clouds.
Yellow and red and orange leaves.
Birds building nests,
Chirping back and forth.
Squirrels foraging for food for the coming Winter,
Scurrying up and down trees.
Warm spiced apple cider.
Silence,
Except for the soft, colder breeze.
Except for the purring of a cat,
The slight kneading of their drowsy paws.
Except for the soft snoring of a dog,
His occasional half-asleep woof.
Except for pages turning,
A pen gliding its' ink across thick parchment.
Typewriter keys clacking.
Silence.
Except for your footsteps coming through the front door
And down the hall.

Nothing.

And then there was you.

There never was anyone else.

I'm walking down
the railroad track.
I have a cigarette,
a bottle of jack,
and a wife at home
that thinks
I'm coming back.

Sometimes I lay on the floor
I wonder what am I hearing
This weird sound of what?  

Is it my heart beating?  
The clock ticking?  
Or just some random sound I'm hearing when I finally take time to relax?  

Sometimes I wonder
Or is it what I'm hearing
Is the world crying?  
The heart of the world,  beating?  

Till now I can't stop wondering
Or is it the bacteria that's moving?  
Is it the earth particles vibrating?  

Or is it me,  silently crying in my heart
Is it the footsteps of mine,  wandering around in my imagination?  

Or I'm just,  plain crazy?  
I keep wondering,  till I fall asleep
Hoping I wouldn't wake up to face reality again