we got tattoos and the ink overpowered your blood
i cut myself open to remind you of it
you grew bored of trying to revive your heart

we pledged our allegiance over shared bottles of *****
the alcohol whispered that I could finally stand on the edge and drop off
you stopped helping me down and started offering to push me

you'd called me your sister since we were eleven
we grew like flowers, but my mind began to wilt
your garden grew despondent,
you pulled your roots from mine and grew away from me

heaven, don't leave me at the gates
i'll shred my throat raw from begging for help to heal an ache that Fear keeps sore as he reminds me
"angels do not befriend the deficient"

Gears should only spin so fast but my brain knows no limits and only strives for my hands to do more, create more, work faster and harder without tiring, my body is pleading with me to lay down my arms because you cannot fight a one person war -
and there are beads of sweat racing down my face because I cannot slow down or I will fall into that same pit that I've spent so much of this year in, etching away days and days of no motivation, no drive, no desire to live and here I am trying to convince my clever heart that it's okay to dip into this lake of happiness -
or is it that?
and again sleepless nights and a room as unkempt as my mind and the thoughts, the tenants inside of it, and maybe one day I will stop.

And it won't feel so bad.