"I want to live just once.", I whispered to my own shadow one lonely night.
"I want to live once and taste freedom on the tip of my tongue. I want the fire of determination to burn inside me and keep me warm on a cold night like this instead of the cigarette that I smoke. I want to taste the stinging love as it rolls down my throat, tensing every muscle in my body, and please me with the pain. I want to feel loved till I evaporate into million particles and float away with the winds of summer. I want to smile so hard that my cheeks hurt and my heart explode as I drink the poison of happiness from the hands of my own life. I want to break down and cry like a thunderstorm that takes everything down with it. And once that all is done, I want to face death. I want to look into its eyes as it makes love with me one last time. I want to feel death holding me close before taking me with it forever into the land from where no one can ever return. "
"I just want to live once", I whispered to my shadow as it disappeared with the last flicker of the burning candle.

In the dark abandoned street of Swat
He stood there holding a wrecked doll
Nowhere in that familiar scenery
There was a place to call his home.

The shadows of the death surrounded him
There was no sight of a shooting star
Standing in the ruins of his own life
He whispered, "But why war?"

They say it will make the world better
They say it is for the sake of peace
With so much bloodshed and destruction?
Liars! It's all for their ****** greed!

Prejudice,
Power,
Pride.
I feel pity on humans
For such desires.

Those days when I can't write,
I sit around and dive into the ocean
of thoughts that are held back
somewhere in my mind.

Those days when I can't write,
I sit around with a pen in my hand
and scribble random words down
hoping for them to make any sense.

Those days when I can't write,
I sit around and feel depressed
as I try to find a break through
from all the boredom and dullness.

Those days when I can't write
I sit around and type this poem
that was supposed to be another waste
instead of something that actually rhymes.

I was sitting against a black tree
with my arms wrapped around my chest.
My skin was grey with black spots
and my eyes were closed, as if dead.
Then appeared a red spot of blood
in the center, around my heart.
A perfectly shaped circle it was,
a drop rolled down and it all fell apart.

I remember it was 3.00 A.M.
You called me, you were crying.
I told you that I loved you
That everything will be alright.



It's 3.00 A.M. right now,
I called you but you didn't pick.
Instead sent a text that said,
*"Please don't contact me again."

Pick up your brushes
and paint me
into a complicated
piece of art.

Loving each other was like being in a war.
So I gave up when I couldn't hurt you anymore.

all i ever wished
was to sleep peacefully one night
without the pills singing the lullaby.

I found myself drowning in the great old Black River. I was struggling to swim but a huge weight pulled me down into the darkness. I looked around and what I saw, made me scream. The bubbles of the air, that I was saving, were the last thing I saw as I got free from the struggle and let my body float wherever the waves would take me.

I was pulled down by the ugly version of myself.

My body does not mind you leaving
cause it will find someone else
to fulfill it's hunger
and will forget you eventually.

But

My soul has been mourning since that day
cause it cannot be touched again
by anyone for it will lose
it's purity.

He asked me to write about him one night
while we were on the brink of jumping into the dream land.
"Write like its the last thing you'll ever write for me."
he whispered as his lips provoked the passion inside
and I promised, sleeping in his shadow like a child.

Three months later,
I wrote about him
for the last time.



*Goodbye.

The same tips of grass that use to kiss me
when we laid under the open sky
making wishes and dreams
now pinches me like needles
bursting all those little bubbles
of hope that I carry.

We all are familiar to the storm that rises
inside us when the hell breaks lose.
An arrow shot straight into the chest,
A volcano erupting in the throat.
The flood that leaks from the eyes
and drowns the dreams hanging on lids.
That's when we hit the ground bottom
shattering into million of bits.

Tear off these clothes from your body
And let the warm water wash the stains
From your skin as you sink deeper
In the bath tub of sorrows and pain.

While your kids are playing, running in the streets
I am fighting for my life, wandering helplessly.

While your kids have soccer practices in the evening
I don't know if by then I'll be dead or still living.

While your kids are painting rainbows and butterflies
My city is painted in our blood, every time we sacrifice.

While your kids are treated for even a scratch on their knee
It's been days since I am wearing these scars and injuries.

While your kids are scared of little cockroaches
I stand face to face with tanks and bullets.

While your kids are learning about their family tree
I am still searching the missing members of my family.

While your kids are angels, we are not even considered as human beings.
Why? Just because we are born in Palestine and they are from Israel?

The day we combine would be the day when this world will meet it's destination.
We would have just a fraction of time to fulfil all the desperation.
For we are like two burning stars in love.
When collide, we can set fire to the whole universe.

They met after years.
He was alone, smoking a cigarette while she was with another man.

"Why are you with him?", he asked her with a cracking voice.
She looked down at her feet and said,
"Because he never cared enough to explore my dark side."

Mrs. William asked her students to share their dreams, one day. She smiled as she heard those innocent souls walking to the front and telling their dreams.
"I dream about racing cars, Mrs. William."
"And I dream about being a fairy!"
The colorful aroma of the classroom turned dark as soon as she asked about the dreams of the kid sitting at the last seat.
With untidy clothes and messed up hair, he got up and whispered,
"I dream about the dark things like my father beating me up and my mother always screaming. "

I see the moon as something
more than just a huge ball in the sky.
I see the starts as something
more than just twinkling lights.

They tell me I am a misfit
who sees things differently.
I guess they are the blind ones
trapped in their own bodies.

I wonder how my poems sound when you're the one reading.
My words curling on the tip of your lips as you go through my feelings.

*Do you think about me as you read my heart out?
Or are you still drowning deep in your doubts?

And when I'll be questioned
on the last day,
I'll tell how I loved
all His men.
For He many forgive me
but I can't expect
anything
from them.

"What is Heaven? What is Hell?"
"Two different names for one place; Home."

The hate is smoking my soul tonight.
I am trapped in illusions and reality.
I cringe as the thoughts invade my mind.


*I never wanted you to leave me.

I don't remember all the names
of the boys I fell in love with
in the days of my youth.
But I have preserved
each and every one of them
in the words that I scribble.
So which poem are you?

The angels came down to me as I enjoyed the sleep
They woke me up and asked me to answer their quires.

"We've looked over your records and we don't know whether
to punish you with the sinners or reward you as the saints."

I smiled and told them, "O Angels of My Lord, I deserve to be punished
for I have sinned long enough that I had to change."

I want to discover the mysteries of the universe and what lies beyond.
I want to float with the stars and find my home.
Somewhere out there where I truly belong.
Somewhere out there where lives my soul.

He's silently floating in the river of unknown
Wondering which shore will be his home
He's not lost, rather he is himself the light
Like the first song of the dawn
that scares away the demons of the night.

If fear was replaced by love,
All the religions would have merged.

Under the sober moon we sat
as we gulped down
bottle after bottle of that sweet wine.
You handed me another
and whispered,
"Are you not drunk enough
to fall in love with me already?"
I laughed out loud
as I thought how
unaware you were honey.

You buried the person I fell in love with.
I buried the part of me that got affected.

I remember we were standing on the edge of the world.
You showed me your scars, I offered you my soul.
In that moment, we felt invincible and mighty
Conquering the undiscovered, fighting battles for the throne.

If there was no heaven and no hell,
then would have people been the same
as they are now?
wearing masks and pretending to be
something they are not?

We are made of stars; you and me.
Stars that shined too bright
to exist together
or be near to each other.

We are made of stars
with different destinies
but once we were together
and that's what I like to believe.

Even on the last day
when the world will fall apart
and this whole universe won't sustain.
I have a  hope
though for a fraction of time
that I will meet you again.

I took out your picture, darling,
And stared at it for hours.
I don't know what I felt was hatred
Or it was the same irreplaceable  love.

Though looking at you after ages,
I wanted your lips on mine again
Instead I pushed away those thoughts
And cursed you for all the tears and pain.

Let's go on a walk sometime,
you and me
down the dusty road
that leads to my place.
We'll talk for once
or maybe the first time actually
so that
at the end of our encounter
you realize
how wrong you are honey.

The darkness had took over the land
And people were forced to hide
The dark lords remained the same
Just changed their masks from time to time.
They brainwashed the innocent ones
Injected them with their lies.
Maybe that's why no one noticed
That the black color was not the real light.

In that darkness, a flame was born
Who was different from the blinds
He broke from the chains of slavery,
Ignited a green and red fire.
He stood against the dark lords
For his land, he dedicated his life.
Today the people have woken up
and every one of them is ready to fight.

People tell me that I write words that leave them breathless
as they crawl down their spine, kissing their hearts.
Little do they know that the same words escape by
flowing in my veins and reach out as they tear my flesh apart.

You took a piece of me along
And used it to fix her broken heart.

I smiled to see that even in her,
You wanted to see some of my spark.

She was pretty messed up but unlike everyone else, she used it as an excuse to create wonders that no one else could.
She painted her soul with her finger tips and sang her heart out while dancing on the strings of a guitar.

The world called her some insane and crazy freak.
Little did they know that she was different and unique.

Tell me which building should I go to pray?
For I am a nameless wanderer in search of Him.

The winds whisper to me the song of the dead
bits and pieces from the valleys and forests.
It's beautiful yet tragic that makes my heart ache
for every lost soul that's wandering like I am.

I see things that are not to be seen
And I hear things that are silent for the ears.

They tell me to not go against the flow
of the river
that's been flowing since the begining
of the universe.

But I don't see my fault in all this
I am gifted as well as cursed.

Every person has a personal hellhole
where they hide under the sheets of dark
and share their sorrows with the unknown.
A place where they feel welcomed when
the whole world seems to fall apart.
A place where all the depressed and lonely
meet each other with broken hearts.
There's a hellhole that's far away from this world
that feels like heaven despite all the wrath.

Hanging onto the life with grey hair and wrinkled face.
She proved the world that nothing could steal away her grace.

I don't want stars to be named after me
or children reading my tales in history.

I just want to leave a mark
somewhere
or maybe on someone
that will
be immortal,
shifting great things
silently.