"i stay up all night because i don't have enough pills stashed in my flower pots and behind mirrors and in my hands to drown out the fire that burns holes in my skull. i stay up all night because the last words you wrote me made me cry searing color out my eyes. i can't see the sky as blue anymore baby. that night i tried to cut my heart out, everything was so red i guess that's the only color i see now. baby i still have the scar, you should see it sometime. that night i stripped my home of the insipid decorations, they were laughing at me. i smashed all the empty bottles around me baby you should've seen it, there was blue and green and silver diamonds everywhere,,like a dream. i stay up at night because when i close my eyes i see you. and your stupid grin you always pull out, like a black ace card. i can't get rid of you,,you're in my head. and your words are stuck relaying in my skull. I CANT GET RID OF YOU. that's why i'm sitting up awake at 4:57 am contemplating whether or not to pull my heart out cause i won't see you in hell,,you've always been the angel baby."
i love him