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 Nov 2015 Janoortje
Bellis Tart
Burn
 Nov 2015 Janoortje
Bellis Tart
I've burned the candle from both ends,
burning fingers trying to hold on
soaked right through with whiskey, and tears
shutters ripple up my spine
to the brain I no longer wish to use
I've done my time, paid my dues
kissed my fair share of frogs, for something better
but the best is always yet to come, or so they say
I've desecrated my boundaries, jumped borders, and covered empty pages
just to hear that faint scratch of the pen across the paper
which still sounds louder than your heart
You see, I am a coward
who takes solace in the certainty
that words will drip from these fingers, like the lies from your lips
you call her your wife,
but know nothing of the sanctity of marriage
you babble on, about the greatness of your union
while taking me to your bed, you speak
of connections, when you could never understand
singing your own praises, you're not like every other man, ha!

I have burned the candle at both ends
burning my fingers to hold on,
as my whiskey soaked self engulfs in flames,
I let it burn..
She told you she was afraid of flying
So you grasped her hand tightly as you both jumped and wings sprouted from your backs

She told you she was afraid of commitment
So you sat back and waited patiently while showing her warmth and love

She told you she was afraid of falling
So you held her close while off the ledge you both fell. Making sure it would be you who first hit the ground
One day
#jump #fly #ground
they told me to stop calling the dead
as i whisper your name
inaudible, barely a whisper
i told them
i wasn't calling the dead—
i'm trying to bring it back to life.

they told me to stop calling the dead
almost like a prayer
i repeated your name
i told them
i wasn't calling the dead—
i'm doing myself a favor.

they told me to stop calling the dead
i mumble to myself
slowly as i fall asleep,
i told them
i wasn't calling the dead—
i was calling you.

---

(The dead were once alive; had a heart, had a soul.
*I wasn't calling the dead, because you never had one.)
After you left,
The air was heavy,
Stale.
Nothing brought me joy.
No one could replace the hole you left.
Deep in my chest,
Rotting my heart...

So when I saw you.
A measure of months later.
I was a beast with a broken heart.
You reached out to me,
Touched my skin,
My bones shattered.
My body cried out at the agony of your touch.
But my heart screamed out in ecstasy.
She was conceived of fire
Rubies
And fate

Her long winter breath
Curling down
My hate

Mist on her fingers
Swirling
Beach tides

Snow ladden leaves
Youthful
In Autum's lie

She's sick of November
Thrashing
In grey

It's almost December
Timing
A wolf's prey



*Who would ever save a golden moon?
It's time to write again.
I thought I can hide myself forever. But I forgot **"Forever doesn't exist"
 Nov 2015 Janoortje
Ellie Wolf
I wish I could break
I wish I could let myself
Fall to pieces
And shatter

But pride
Is a stubborn thing
And it drags me along
Holding the shards together
Convincing each one
That it matters

And that dulling the edges
Against each other
Is worth it
Until I’ve finally become
Numb
To mindless chatter

-
*Sometimes I feel like the Mad Hatter.
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