I just want people to notice that
I actually do care.
    I care about a lot of obstacles
 and a lot of people.

Maybe I'm trying to make up
for all the years of wronging and
misjudgment I put upon other
people.
               The same misjudgment
               and wronging
               that has been
               reflected
               upon me.

She’s with her now…I know it.
She even tells me so.
She drives me freakin crazy,
But I can’t let on as though.

Why is this one different;
To prompt a push of trust?
Risk is pain with people.
These things—they always bust.

Malicious to their core,
At least so long that’s how it’s seemed.
Will this one be so different—
This girl, she came to me!

It started slow with smiles…
And winks and subtle things:
A back and forth of messages
And hints at sound with rings.

Excited ambiguity:
“I wonder how she feels.”
We played the game:
“Do you…?”,
“How long…?!”,
And answers seemed surreal.

She’s into me! She wants me!
She cares, she really does!
Naïve is my perception,
And tomorrow still it was.

I know the truth; it tortures me:
This one—this other girl,
Am I so low as jealousy
to plague my head a twirl?

A teenage love—
infatuation—
truly names the day.
A superficiality
Time always fades away.

But still, I can’t help but think:
Are such pains not for trying?
Experience that must be had
Just once before dying.

…And those who claim
Have missed such fate
Surely must be lying.

A high school cap with summer love—
Now that’s nothing too new.

I see ahead
How this will end,
And yes,
It’s grim and blue.

But still, I must—
A bout with lust;
She’s got me,
So I’ll try.

I know
I’ll end up getting hurt;
It’s only a matter of time.

(But since when have I cared about time…!)

I want this girl—
She’ll hurt me…
Yeah, I know she will.

And, I’ll have this poem
To look back:
My gut-mop for the spill.

So when that fateful day come,
And part at last we must;
All will have been worth it,
For a young man’s
Try at trust.

i was hoping that if you kissed me enough
in places where i thought i was dead

flowers would grow

but i am not a garden
and my dear,
you are far from a dose of fresh water and sunlight

Your name hurts
six letters have the power
to make my heart ache
and I have tried everything
to make the pain stop
repetition
repetition
repetition
but it doesn't work
and usually the more you repeat things
the less they mean
but with your name it doesn't work
sometimes I get used to the pain
it is just a lull that I learned to ignore
but then someone speaks your name
and it resonates through my veins
and sinks into my bones
your name is carved into my brain
and when i hear it what follows is
usually pain
pain that follows the fond memories
and the knowledge that you're not there
you consumed me and left me with no air
and so here i am trying to breathe
then you come back and air fills my lungs
breathing becomes easier when you're around.

if i can't make you snort with laughter on your sad days, do not stay with me. i do not deserve you
if i can't make you giggle like a little ******* your tired days, find someone else, i'm begging you.
if i can't even make you smile on the days that you kind of hate me, then i am not the one for you, i promise.

and if i don't have you feeling otherwise on days where you find that maybe you don't want to be alive,
leave me
leave me.
for there is someone better out there for you

you deserve someone who fills your life with color and makes you happier than you ever thought you could be
if i can't be that for you,
if i can't make you feel that kind of love,
leave me
please leave me.
for there is someone better out there for you
you deserve them

And if you're ever
       feeling lonely
      Just look at the
             moon
          someone,
         somewhere
is looking right at it too

I got lost
searching
for myself.
     I never
     expected
     to stumble
     onto you,
I never
knew we'd
cross paths.

You caught
me so
off guard
that I tripped
and fell
flat on my
back.

Now you
and I are
stuck here
trying to
find the words
to say
without ever
moving our
lips,

and I'm
starting to
feel as if
getting
back up
won't be
so difficult.

if I killed myself tonight
what would you do
would you feel regretful
that you never said you loved me
or that you never felt the same way
and you were sorry for everything
but you never got the chance to say it
would you come to my funeral
would you cry for me
because if you died
I'd die too
and I wouldn't be able to go to your funeral
because i'd be lying in a grave next to you
and even though you'll never talk to me
i am still in love with you
and everything I do is for **you