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  Aug 4 eliana
lizie
i told you i’d let you in,
but i didn’t.
just smiled through the ache
and made you believe
i was okay.

i said i wouldn’t do it again,
but i did.
soft and slow,
like a secret
i already knew how to keep.

i told myself i’d stop,
but i haven’t.
not really.
not even close.

i break promises.
not out of spite,
just out of habit,
or maybe survival.

you say you love me anyway.
but god,
how long can that last?
  Aug 4 eliana
Lynn Stillman
Living on the edge.
Nothing below to save me,
from that tempting ledge.
  Aug 4 eliana
Lynn Stillman
Life looking through glass
Everything is crystal clear,
just out of your reach.
eliana Aug 4
The measurements will never be right
The numbers on the scale will never be small enough
The clothes are always too big or too tight

Eating anything is eating too much
Excuses like I already ate and such
Until I'm pretty there is something more important to feed

They won't like me unless I run
Mile after mile it is never enough
Try to convince myself that it's fun
To push my limits even if it's tough

I never look right
Nothing is flattering
I'm not going to fight
That my hope is shattering

I got thinner and they started to talk
The compliments came
They don't know the road I had to walk
I have no one to blame

I wanted to starve
Like it wouldn't do me harm
They dont notice when I skip meals
Until I show the pain on my arm

I need friends not food
Not thinking about it is key
I just cant change my mood

They know what's going on
But they will never know how deep
The knife goes when I see something wrong
Then again depression will start to seep

Every time I eat I feel like I fail
After there is always a blood trail
I won't eat until I’m frail
I really do despise The Scale
:/
eliana Aug 3
No tears can explain
No words can describe
The pain that is killing
Deep inside..
I know truth hurts
But it even hurts twice
When you try to comfort
Yourself with lies..
i just got notifications for tryouts  for my school right now, and it really hurt my heart. Knowing the dates and just that i KNOW my friends are all going and im just here. I love being active and it just hurts so much. nobody really understands how much it hurts, i cant even explain it.
  Aug 3 eliana
Lynn Stillman
Don't know all that much.
But do know loving yous wrong,
don't care to be right.
eliana Aug 3
I want to feel something
Not just the blade upon my arm
I want to love someone
That won’t do me any harm
I don't want to cry anymore
I want more than just my blood on the floor
I want to know more
Than just my tears
I want to reach for something
Not just run from my fears
I want to feel like I’m enough
Am I enough?
I want to enjoy life with no strings attached
I don't want to dread being attacked
I don't want to feel alone anymore
I want to know what I’m living for
I want to end it all
But I’m still scared to fall
I don't want anymore scars
I’m not asking for the stars
I want to be worth anything
I want death to stop calling
I want to be loved
I want to rise above
This pain
I want the lies to stop replaying
I want to stop cutting
I don't want to find myself in the mirror
I want the truth to become clearer
I want to eat and not force myself to throw up
I don't want to grow up
I want to stop skipping meals
I never want anyone to know how it feels
I want him to come back
I want him to leave
I want to be on track
I want to believe
There is anything good about me
I want to stop feeling this self pity
But I’m done
I want to run
Am I good enough?
Am I worthy?
The last word was supposed to be "No" But i removed it because im not sure. My mind tells me no but i feel yes if that makes sense.
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