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  Aug 3 eliana
Lyle
One day
One day I’ll feel normal again
A new normal
Without pain
But with feeling
Peace
Like that night
Sitting in the middle of the road
Moon half concealed by clouds
Feeling nothing
But everything
I don’t want that
But I do
I need that serene feeling
Of being alone
While simultaneously
Hearing their voices drifting
One day
One day soon
I’ll feel alright
eliana Aug 3
They say time heals all and you will forget the ones that have hurt you

No matter what they say you continue to remain untrue

You feel an emptiness in your heart because you loved them completely

For what reason? Because afterall they are the ones who tore your heart to pieces

You gave them your all because you thought they were different

You trusted them and so you told them your secrets

They keep appearing in your thoughts although they shouldn't be

Because they were the only ones you bothered to give a chance

Fantasizing of a last embrace

But that won't happen because they left you essentially everything to find anything

In the end you were left with nothing and the only thing you could do is let go

Because you care about them so much and that is the only thing you could do.
  Aug 2 eliana
Meli
On, off
Happy, sad
Feeling as disgusting as a moth
Makes me mad

Bored, not bored
When will this end
This repetitive pattern
Maybe I need a friend

Oh wait, oh no
I'm not able to call
Why is this so hard
If only this problem I could discard
I can't contact my friends!!!!
plz give me some advice!!!!!!
  Aug 2 eliana
Meli
Unsure about everything
Dreams come every night
They creep up on me, overthinking
These overwhelming thoughts I fight
I WANT TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I CAN'T SURVIVE ANY LONGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
eliana Aug 2
This is how we deal with things
Red, blue, purple, green
Splashes of paint against the canvas of life
Leaving our marks in the world

Black

The color of tragedy and of growth
Growing from the ground we walk on
Criticism taken; a better artist created

Yellow

Stereotypical isn’t it?
Of happiness and life
But also of illness, of worry, and flowers in the waiting room
There’s another streak on the canvas
How many more before it’s filled?

Aqua

Drinking and paint water
Vital to life
There’s a calmness around aqua
That makes you feel at peace,
A false sense of serenity created

Purple

For too many thoughts inside our heads
We can’t get them all out
Confusion, royalty, and pride
Pride in knowing that we’re contributing to society
And confusion on how to put it out there
Another streak on the canvas

Magenta

A confusing color, magenta
An equal mix of similar colors – pink and red
Happiness and anger
Or the colors of the flowers next to a grave
Perhaps of the bike next to a coffee shop
that you go on your first date

Green

We’re taught to love green
The color of money, of nature, of all good things
And the color of the carpet at your grandma’s house
The difference you made there
The color of a soldier’s uniform before going to battle
More streaks go on the canvas

Look where you are now
A beautiful concoction of colors, of experiences
That otherwise wouldn’t have existed without the bad moments
Look in the mirror; you’ve changed lives
Congratulations artist

Another masterpiece created
  Aug 2 eliana
Nat Lipstadt
A follow on poem to 'In the Sunroom (Suicide)"  (1)
writ many years later...
~For MWK~
<>
A stray thought. a burring burrowing, thorny tawny:

A wish, yet to get, but vetted for each of us.

This within, this redoubt, a contemplative oasis,
my indoor poet's nookery rookery sanctuary
each one, each is, deserves, all, one such,
a place holy filled, with lice and dirt of a life,
strained and trained for emission and transmission
of the best of the worst, and the triumphant emergent commission of
our individualized most excellent fresh best

where crumbs of apple crisp pie solidify, vanilla bean ice cream
melt offsets the oven heated warmth, and from this interactive
contrasts combative,
a poem pie reborn, newly disguised, familiar words,
yet unheard and before this very never,
went unspoken and now goes forth
svelte and unbroken

rhymes of yore, forgot from a before, but making up the walls
of the here and now,
a sunroom to spread out the lit lights of egress and entrance,
of fire door no exits that now are chiseled closed,
lock in, lock up, and somehow, one, stills to learn from
the stilling quiet solitude.
to penetrate the prostrate kneeling grinning grief,
how to expel and spell the words
that grant
relief

visit my sunroom, though no fiction.
the sun rays *******, create the friction
of that which cannot ever be withered nor contained,
and your mouth opens wide and a poem birthed and delivered,
pastiche paste composted of truth and dreams of fiction, fine diction,
with a shrug, a smile, a satisfaction extracted extraordinary,
you garner moments of satisfaction but cloud cover returns,
and the process of sunrise exposition recommences,
and one revisits the elemental sequencing of
all the predecessor pain, but this time,

for gain, for gain,
<>

written this sabbath Saturday
12:38am EST
Sat Aug 2
2025
in the sunroom,
on Shelter Island
  Aug 2 eliana
Anna May
Oh how I wish I was skinny
I look at all the other girls
They have small waists
I feel like a fat monster

I eat, eat, eat
Then throw it back up
And I repeat
It's never enough

People say I'm skinny too,
But they're just being nice
They know how I look
They don't know everything I've tried

I don't eat for days
Then I eat so much
Sometimes I eat enough,
Then it comes all back up
I've struggled with bulimia since the last part of 2023 and I don't know how to stop
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