I love you,
more than the most delicious barbecue steak.

I remember to talk to you,
more than I remember to wash my pants.

You mean so much to me,
more than all the cars and computer games combined.

You always make me laugh,
more than any clown ever did.

You made me understand the word "beauty",
more than any sunset ever could.

When you're gone,
I reach corners of my mind I rather keep closed.

You warm my heart,
more than any cover ever could.

You are the sister I never had,
more than you'll ever know.

Thank you, Soad.

I do not believe in soulmates because my mum got six kids out of a fourteen year marriage, but she also got two weeks of drowning herself in alcohol to **** the pain, followed by another man who does not quite keep up.

I do not believe in soulmates because I spent sixteen hours sitting on the bathroom floor with my Aunt on her wedding day while she threw up alcohol along with her arguments to her new husband as a honeymoon.

I do not believe in soulmates because my grandmother stayed with her abusive husband for seven years just to fill the void space in her heart, simply because she was dying, even though she was wise enough to know he was not 'the one'.

I do not believe in soulmates,
But I do believe in us.

Today my boyfriend said he loves me
My mother always told me not to say it back if it was something I didn't mean
My father always told boys only say that to get into your jeans
Taylor Swift said a boy would make me feel this way at age 15
I keep thinking about how my life should be
I didn't even want to be with someone until like age 23
But then he came along and showed me a whole new universe I had never seen
He makes me laugh and cry and scream
And I can't help but wonder what three simple words could mean
There is so much I've been told and I don't know what to believe
Three words don't mean anything
I asked him if they did and he said what do they mean to me
I said I didn't know a thing
But if I think about it, I guess it's eggs in the morning when you're hungover from the previous evening
It's being miles away and still not cheating
It's holding hands and PDA and kissing
It's yelling and tears and fighting
It's laughing and it's crying
It's climbing the ladder together, even if there are a ton of steps missing
Maybe it's just listening
Maybe it's everything
Maybe they don't mean anything
Today my boyfriend told me he loves me
I don't love him back
I said I love you too, and it's something I didn't mean
It's not that he isn't good enough..
It's just, the word love isn't big enough to express my feelings
I am enchanted
I am speechless
I am all in, head over heels
Falling down a hill
I am taken back
I am double taking
I am walking on clouds
Words are too small
Actions are too small
The universe is too small
I am too small to be loved.

Today my boyfriend said he is in love with me
I said it back, but it wasn't true.

At least 4 people have asked me this question in the last 10 minutes. This is the answer.

As a child, I grew up learning that God is who I should follow. That he will lead you into paradise, and you will rest in his kingdom. At the age I am now, I'm choosing to disagree. I don't believe in a higher power. I don't believe there is someone watching over me, I don't believe someone has already calculated my every step. It's hard for me to grasp the concept of it. I know that it is a scary thought that there won't be a hand to hold throughout my life, but I can hold my own.
But Why Buddhism?
I'm assuming everyone has different goals of life. My main goal is to be happy. That is literally all I ask for. Happiness. Shooting star? I wish for happiness. 11:11? I wish for happiness. It's been that way since I was a little girl. Buddhism uses meditation and the teachings of Buddha to set a path for your life. It teaches to look into yourself to find what you need. Things like compassion and kindness come from inside. In my religion I am not put against an almighty being. I have no one to be compared to but myself and in knowing this, I can know that I can grow into who I am supposed to be. I believe in reincarnation, I have even before I learned what Buddhism was. I always thought you were reincarnated until you lived a perfect life and went to heaven. Now I believe that you are shooting for Nirvana, not some place in the sky. i am not bashing any other religion I used to believe in it. There is more to it than this, but I'm not trying to write a paper about it.

Everyone is entitled to their views and opinions. I only hope that my choices don't make me lose the friends I love and care for, but if they do, I didn't have them as friends in the first place and I understand their choices too.

Stay Peaceful,
Jay