It was never my decision to fall for you,
It was nothing I planned ahead of.

Before you take my heart,
Here's some things you should know:
I'm fragile,
My self-esteem is low,
I'm stubborn,
I've got no confidence,
I'm shy,
I don't like speaking my mind,
I'm weak,
I cry over little things,
I'm afraid,
I've been hurt before,
I'm broken,
People don't notice me often.

But.

I found hope when I saw you,
My deadline was subdue,
I was about to get through,
When you were my only view.

Poetry saved my life when
i thought things were not
going right. I started writing
when a beautiful man came
into my life. Found a pen in
the bottom of the puddle i
made with my tears. I sat
there for hours. Drank my
wine and walked into the
water made by own eyes.
Should i drown or should i
die i said. Felt a pen under
my feet and thought about
the guy i met. Wrote poetry
on the surface if the water.
I felt oxygen enter my lungs
and the water becoming
shallow I felt my poetry lifting
me up. I wrote my way out
of the deep puddle i cried.
I wrote my way out for him.
Starting with his name and the
details on his skin. Starting
with how i tripped into his
heart while running away from
my own hell. All it took me to
save my life was a pen and a
guy. That's when i decided to
take the goodbyes i said to life
back again. I want to exist. To
marry him. To fight for my rights.
I want to write until i die. And
if the ink in my pen ever dries
i'll use my blood instead and
the tears i cried. I want to turn
my pain into pride. I want to paint
my scars up in the sky* ~

Hey, I miss you. I don't know why I feel the need to apologize to you, but I do. Im sorry, I'm so ******* sorry for everything. I feel terrible, although I'm not quite sure what I am apologizing for. Maybe I feel this way because I know that you feel awful for what you did to me. I shouldn't feel bad for you at all considering you're the reason why we ended in a bad place. God, even when you're not trying to be manipulative you are. You dug into the deepest parts of my brain and buried yourself in the back of my mind whispering, "It's all your fault." That's all that runs through my head anymore. I guess it was my fault that this happened. I loved you and I apparently that was enough for me to take the blame for everything. I knew what I was getting myself into when I fell for you, but I didn't stop myself. So, I guess you're right. Everything was my fault.
I'm sorry.


B.S.

I was in love with a boy who could calm my most fierce storms that were brewed inside my head, but he created a hurricane inside me when he left, flooding every crevice of my body with the memories of him.*


B.S.