Hate
Pain
Love
Sorrow
Why do you have to do this to me?
You were the person who wasn't supposed to break me
You were supposed to always be there for me,
I loved you n I love you I'm so pathetic for doing so.
You broke me n I'm sure you're glad you did.
Does it help your ego to know that you're capable.
I'm so sick, I hate myself for actually trusting you with me.
Hate
Hate till there's nothing left.
No more feelings, no more pain, no more sorrow.
I'm so done. Hate till there's nothing left.
Good job, you made me trust in humanity again
Only to scar me deeper than I was before you.
I hope you realize what you put people through
I hope that one day, you'll come to know the pain, in the depths of your soul
Knowing that you reap what you ******* sow.
So eat the **** you fed so many
And be poisoned by the heartache you put so many through.
I never deserved this pain.
Now I know where you stand, I always knew it
But you covered up so it was ok
But to be so blatantly stabbed hurts more than you will ever know.
My demons are back, they will always come back
No matter how many time I **** them.
Nowadays in the pain I feel,
Their whispers of insanity are comforting.
With them it feels like I'm finally not alone.
My insanity is back on its spiral of descent.
Keep your painting, your canvas will again turn blank
But the face that once occupied will haunt you.
I hope it shreds all that you are.
I can't believe I wasted my ******* time on letting you close.
You warned me that you would break me but I thought
For once I was strong enough to survive the pain
But it turns out you were right and I was wrong.
Your promises turn to poison in my ear
Slowly acidically burning through me.
Melting what's left. I hate you and the pain you cause....
No I don't hate you, who am I kidding I love you but I hate myself for it.
The black is coming back and soon the scarlet will follow....
Oh wait the scarlet is already here decorating my darkness
Reminding me once again that insanity is the only sweet escape
From this life, this pain....hopefully I don't wake up again....
Hopefully those little white orbs hold a sweet rest for me.
Let the black consume me
Those scarlet lines making it so much more complete
You've broke me...
Hate....hate till there's nothing left
And as I cry I hope I never forget this pain
So I know better than to hope.
Oh sweet insanity
Oh loving darkness swallow me so I can once again join my demons.
Let me join them
And let not even death tear us apart.
Shred all humanity left in me
So this pain goes away
And make everything cease to exist.

Your life was a constant
staring contest
with the barrel of a gun,
or bottle of pills,
or whatever it may be.

I don't think you ever
truly believed
things would get better.
I think they all forced it down
your throat.
Endless strings of letters
and numbers
configuring into
teen suicide statistics
and muttering
fine
and okay
whenever needed.

I thought you were nice,
despite your negative outlook
on life.
I'd love to hang out with you
again,
even if it is
just to hear you
complain.

I don't know why you
hated the world,
or why your humor
was sicker than you
ever were.
I don't know why
the stars never shone in your eyes,
or why the landing of '69
didn't spark your
everdying interests.

I'm guessing you didn't
either.

They say they're laughing with you, not at you but if you laugh along to hold back the tears does it count? The more I laugh the more I hide, burying it down deeper and deeper. I mask my insecurities with a funny face or a silent laugh. I'm a magician, I put on a trick to get  a reaction from the audience, don't get to close or the magic is lost. At any moment I'm able to pull a new mask out of the hat, but if you watch closely you can see the slight flick of the wrist that changes everything. A trick is ment to keep the imagination going, continue the wonders, and disguise the ugly. Deep down, though, the magician waits, hoping one day, his trick will be explained.

True to my nature I ****** up,
I gave in to my lesser desires, I gave up common sense.
I gave to the tide,
I went under.

As though in quicksand I sunk,
Thrashing,
Death throes.
I'm grasping at straws,
At snapped telephone wires,
Pulse distortion,
Just a touch away,
It's beckoning,
And oh so appealing.

What I wouldn't do for a little peace of mind.
Shocking!
Isn't it?
The attraction of interaction,
The constant presence or lack there of,
The desire, the distance...

Unsure of my footing I falter,
A newborn lamb, learning to hold it's own weight,
An adolescent, still learning.
Where did I go wrong?
How do I go right?
What option have I left?

Forever fearful,
Of what's beneath the bed,
Of what's in my head.

Are you leaving?

There's not much left to leave,
Running out of patience,
Running,
Nowhere to go,
Can't stop,
Can't stand,
Falling...

You are a sore thumb,
Pressed hard against my eye,
You blind me,
Unique in your affect,
Your image,
Branding,
Thoughts of you linger,
Ink stained fingers brush my eyelids,
And ink stains them still,
I see you in my sleep...

There aren't enough crystals in the world to cleanse this mind,
Nor enough bandages to keep the skin on these knuckles,
There isn't enough sugar to hide the bitter taste in this mouth,
There isn't enough,
This life is lacking...

The light is quiet
In this pleasant night-hour;
The atmosphere is at ease,
I walk barefoot on floors
And breathe air.
All of this as it should be
I am close to my body
I am close to myself.

I would have never saw this day coming
The day I seemed so pathetic
Starring at my phone waiting for her to reply when I know she is sleep
I swear she cast a spell on me
This most be sorcery
Something about her hypnotized me
When talking to her I feel so weak
What's strange about it feels so good
It's as if my body knows she'd never hurt me
That she would protect me when danger came my way
Then shouldn't I be afraid
She has me at her fingertips
Able to bend me in whatever way she sees fit
She could stomp on me like a roach and I would still rise as if my skin was impenetrable
I know she is capable of doing such things but my mind just won't understand
I just want to be her right hand man
Holding her in my arms on a warm sunny day
Looking into her godly eyes and smile because she is so beautiful
I just want to kiss her plump lips and lose myself in their sweet taste
Relax in a open field with he r laying on my chest
I want to do everything with this girl
All because I love her so
And that is something that'll never change