The withdrawal is killing me
My cells are longing for the warmth of your body
For the feel of your skin on mine
For the vision of you to be on my corneas
My hands are itching to hold yours
My heart feels like it’s caving in upon itself
I can’t breathe
I need to be near you
I need to feel you
I need you
The withdrawal is killing me

With your smile
you tear down my walls
and
my foundations,
Leaving me naked
Bare
Standing on an ledge smaller than my feet

Smile
and I will fall,
Harder than ever before

I rearrange the furniture in my head
So that I can fit the boxes in.
It’s an enormous amount.
I am building towers,
But they are spilling over.
Your laughter is everywhere.
Everything you’ve ever said,
Spilled out on the floor.
Every time I’ve looked at you,
Cramped into too tight boxes
In a too full head.
I can't let anything go.

I want to print out my poetry and paste it on the walls
Let them scream my emotions
In swirling patterns of fading text

I want to rip off the ceiling and sleep under the stars
Watch them glow like I’ve always wanted to glow
In a sea of midnight blue

I want to lie in damp grass and watch the clouds passing by
Fleeing across the sky while it catches on fire
In the most outrageous of ways

I want the music in my ears to be drowned out and silenced
By the music radiating from my soul

I am driving for the first time in weeks
You are in the car
And I am speeding
My mind is somewhere else
For a second I wonder if I could just drive off the road
Just so I won’t have to leave you again
If maybe I could find sweet solace in not breathing
But I keep driving
Just once losing control of the car
Momentarily
Swiveling on to the wrong lane
Thinking for one moment that I’m lucky
Happy I didn’t hit that other car
Only to remember my destination
And the goal of our journey
Wishing I had

I adore the lightness of your eyelashes
How they are the moment before takeoff
I adore your laugh
How it bounces like a cluster of balloons flying away
I adore your hands
How they electrocute me with warmth
I adore your arms
How they are strong enough to never let go
I adore your eyes
How they aren’t just a window to your soul, but to the entire universe
I adore you
Like the moon loves the sun
I adore you
Of a consuming caliber
I adore you
Like the summer needs just a hint of rain
*I adore you
with
every single fiber
of my being.