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3.5k · Aug 2016
I am sorry I became such a burden to you
Ingrid Ohls Aug 2016
I am sorry I became such a burden to you
I miss the way you used to talk to me.
I miss you used to respect me,
and my opinion.
I miss feeling like we were inseparable.
I miss you and I,
I miss me.

You used to look at me,
and I wouldn't see any anger or resentment.
I used to not just seem to frustrate you.

I feel really alone right now.
I just want you to see me how you used to
So then maybe I wouldnt be such a stranger to myself.

It is really hard, being broken, damaged goods.
Ruining everything in your path.
I am sorry I am such a burden now.
I am sorry I am such a disappointment.
Continue reading...
3.1k · Aug 2013
It was your eyes
Ingrid Ohls Aug 2013
It was your eyes
It was your eyes,
That night my world got so much colder.
The sadness and the defeat.
The knowledge,that it was almost the end.
The silence, oh so quiet .
But your eyes screamed with love.
And with fear.
I would have waited, but you knew when you saw my face.
You couldn’t make me treat the burns.
You knew, you couldn’t say good bye.
You knew,
That this would be the last time your baby girl,
Would have to care for you.
I wish right now I could walk into my home again.
Like always, I could say “hey dad”
And hear a low voice say hey back to me.
Hear the chuckle, as you tease my kids.
Just like you used to do to me, you sure knew the buttons to push.
Sitting beside your bed, you lying silently.
I begged to any power that may be,
Please don’t let him be trapped in his head right screaming and hating himself.
Please don’t be angry at yourself dad.
Please,   please give yourself what you deserve.
I am so proud of who you were dad.
I am so proud to be your daughter.
I remember you patting my head when you thought I was asleep.
We were partners in crime.
I can hear that strong voice say I love you partner.
To be a kid again, and hear you say that  as I drifted off to sleep.
Oh, just for a second even.
But I grew up on you dad,
And as you watched me become bigger,
I watched your body  attack itself.
I watched your body take away everything you loved to do.
I saw you hate yourself for what you had no control over.
But you my dad, are the strongest, bravest person I have ever met.
You gave me my career.
No one else thought I’d be good at it but you.
And look at me now.
I care for people, and make their days better,
And I see you in every  single aspect of my day.
With every difficult person I see you,
The smartest man, knowledge on every subject.
The outdoorsman, the hunter, the never still hiker.
The brave paramedic that pulled boys out of frozen water.
The one I came to for every piece of advice I ever needed.
Not everyone could see what I did.  
That breaks me apart dad.
That makes me feel so bad for them, they missed out on an amazing human being.
It was never all roses though dad,
The anger inside you at what you knew you were becoming.
It was hard to watch.
Even harder to think about now.
The eyes of my father.
Had I known that it was the last time I would have seen them open,
I would have said much more.
There would never be enough time,
But I would have said I love you as many times as I could.
You were so strong for mom and I.
You tried to make sure we were okay, unaware that this was it.
But I saw it in your eyes dad.
I saw the love, I saw the regrets, I saw the good bye.
I just wish I had realized what I was seeing when it happened.
But I know dad.
I know who you were, I know what you meant.
I know how much you loved me.
I know how hard you fought.
Your eyes, a  picture I beg to leave my mind.
But grip as if it is my lifeline.
I felt your hand rub my forehead, as  I lay beside your hospital bed.
I was humming,   the words I’m gonna love you forever and ever.
Forever and ever amen.
Never rang more true.
An old country song,
The words of my heart.
Your eyes in an instant made my worlds view change.
Your eyes are with me in every thought.
Continue reading...
3.1k · Jun 2010
Night Shift
Ingrid Ohls Jun 2010
Night Shift
The night shift,
no rest for the working.
Sitting here,
drinking strong coffee.
My eyes are heavy.
Dreaming of the warmth of my covers.
The cuddles that I'm missing.
The soft pillows.
I'm tired.
Strung out on caffeine.
Waiting, anticipating,
for the time I love.
Where I can drift away.
Close my eyes,
and let my imagination
take me away.
The clock slows,
seconds, seem like hours.
Duty calls.
Retirement seems too far away.
Continue reading...
1.9k · Feb 2017
You never leave my thoughts
Ingrid Ohls Feb 2017
You never leave my thoughts
No matter what is I have done or what I do,
You will not leave my thoughts.
No matter how many different ways I try to tell myself you are no good.
There you are, in the back of my mind 24/7.
I want to forget about you, cause I doubt you don't feel the same.
You easily wander off without me,
with different girls, in different cities
Who insult me and try to make me a joke.
Like a silly teenager I still miss you, still want you close.
I still want to kiss you, still want you inside of me.
I am trying to forget you, I am trying very hard
Yet I can't.
So I sit here desperately wishing you will care about me.
The way I care about you.
You told me you loved me the one morning as you drifted off to sleep.
I  wish you had meant that.
You leave me so confused and I am not sure what I feel.
Although  I am certain I don't want to let you go.
I am certain I could turn out to be the most loyal girl.
The kind of girl you deserve and you need.
Is it too much to ask the stars above to just let you feel the way I do?
Continue reading...
1.9k · Apr 2013
I am your nurse
Ingrid Ohls Apr 2013
I am your nurse
You were once one of the first female supreme court judges.
An engineer, professor,  politician.
You were a loving mother,
The perfect husband.
Life can be cruel though.
Time has stolen your individuality.
I watch as your wife leads your hand down the hall.
To your room,  you remain suprised everytime.
The pain, in your families eyes,
Camoflauged with a smile.
As you introduce yourself as if you have never met.

You ask me where you are,
Why you're here.
I'll tell you, but you never believe me.
I try to explain over and over,
The shock is new everytime.

I take care of you,
I try to help you through this chapter of your life.
By the time I meet you,
You are not who you were.
Your mind is lost in time and my face is always new.

Looking at your pictures I try to see how you were.
Try to imagine the strength,  the youthfulness.
I try to make you feel as whole as a stranger can.
I am here with you day after day.
Over time you become like family to me.

The disease has taken you,
I wish I could change all that.
But instead I'll just sit here,
Listen to your story of strung up words that make no sense.
I'll smile when you do
Look sympathetic when I need to.

You are a human being with the strength of a hundred men.
You have had the diagnosis told to you.
You were so aware of what you would become.
I am here to help you
I respect who you were, and who you are.
I try to make your last days a little better, easier.
I'm your nurse.
I hope I can help.
Even if it is just for a moment.
I hope you know,
What an amazing soul still resides in you.

I wish you freedom, memories and peace when it's your turn to go.
And I welcome who takes your place.
Never forgetting your individuality.
Continue reading...
1.4k · Oct 2012
Let me change me
Ingrid Ohls Oct 2012
Let me change me
Let me be kinder to myself.
Forgiving, like I am to others.
Let me see beauty in my reflection.
Smile, everything is better with one.
Let me take time for the small things.
Give me the colour I want.
Let me walk near the water,
And sit with a book in my hand.
Let me appreciate myself again.
Let me not value myself by others wrongdoings.
Let me respect myself,
Then I will not do the same to someone else.
Let me have cheesecake.
My self worth is not determined by my body.

Please self, stop fighting yourself.
And let myself finally free.
Continue reading...
1.2k · Mar 2013
Hurt Feelings
Ingrid Ohls Mar 2013
Hurt Feelings
It's more than just the feeling of hurt.
When you say that you are sorry,
You hurt my feelings.
The picture really isn't in focus for you.
That feeling that was hurt,
It was that unconditional love I could feel,
While I hated myself.
It was the confidence that someone
Saw the beauty in myself,
While I tore myself down.
It was the push to keep going,
Everytime I wanted to fall.
It was the ability to become something,
Because even though I didn't think so,
I had someone who did.
It was the person who had my back,
That turned away.
It was the silence,
While I learned just how little,
I meant,  our friendship.
It was the lack of effort for someone,
To prove your worth something.
It was finally finding out,
Already broken, shattered.
What alone truly felt like.
Watching all the pain I have been dealing with.
And knowingly add to it.
It's realizing that you have nothing,
Left to give, or take.
That words are just words,
That actions are so much more.
That no one has proven anything.
My feelings you hurt.
Was the last solid thing standing,
Crumbling.
I proved to myself to stand up,
By myself for once.
I looked at myself though,
And could still see why I would never be a first choice.
After all the years you watched my mind
Consume me, take away reality
With a self hatred that would make me sick.
It somewhat brought it all back up front.
If that one person who you trusted to be your eyes,
When your mind showed you a bent image of yourself.
When they  neglect to see your pain,
Choose to steer clear of it.
You realize that no one,
Will be there for you sometimes.
Will care for you forever,
Will put their pride away to do something about it.
Your feelings are so much more.
Your faith is broken,
Your trust is gone.
Your beliefs are wrong,
I am just another being fighting in this life alone.
It does so much more than hurt.
It breaks what you were.
You hurt my feelings?
You changed who I was.
Continue reading...
1.2k · Mar 2011
Sarah,
Ingrid Ohls Mar 2011
Sarah,
Here we are my friend,
After so many tears and so many fights,
We are still each others strength.
You are my soul, you are my good sense.
Without you I would still be a lost little girl.
Lost in a big world.

Through the drugs, the boys, the good times, the bad.
Here we are.
Though miles may seperate us now,
You are the only thing that I know like the back of my hand.
You are the only one who will ever truly know me and love me just the same.
My true love is beside me, yes.
But you, you my friend are my soul mate.
In you I can always find that unconditional, completely honest love,
That only a best friend can give.
Continue reading...
1.2k · Jun 2016
Silly Girl
Ingrid Ohls Jun 2016
Silly Girl
I find I can be such a silly little girl at times.
Don't you agree my love?
I mean I cry all the time,
much like a child, craving attention, spoiled.
I mean, what reason does this princess really have,
for spending nights crying away?

So stupid of me, quite honestly...
I mean, you are never here, when you are,
you are asleep,
or on the phone,
or fighting with me,
or we are having ***,
or you are laughing with other people,
while I selfishly sit anxiously out of control,
constantly on the brink it seems,
to have an attention seeking, time wasting panic attack.

And honestly, the way I cause a scene,
as I get head butted, punched in the face
by a full grown man.
It is truly unbecoming, yes I do agree.
I mean, the misssing hair too,
from being pulled out,
should just grow back already.
Like, honestly what is wrong with me?
Why do you put up with me in such a state?

And my dear, leaving someone elses home,
leaving me there, day after day.
Like really, what more could I ask for?
Like honestly when I broke, and would
be in a manic depressive and and anxious all the time.
I left you.
So really I should be fine with being alone constantly.

I mean, you were there for me to support me through so much,
the honest to goodness truth right there.
And when my heart was ripped right out of my chest,
and I was told that my children were to be away from me.
Like honestly, I was such a goofy ***** to you.

While I had heartbreak, and grief and resentment
and I lost so much.
I was really quite stupid, not knowing how to process it.
Not knowing how to release my feelings and fears.
I ruined you at the darkest days of mine.

And I shouldn't be upset at you leaving me,
coming and bringing your new little chick right in.
Insulting me, and yelling at me, hurting me.
I mean I broke up with you all the time,
when I was having a depressive episode.

Or was questioning if I could get over the first time still,
when I broke up with you.
And that night you had someone else to ****.
Or was wondering if someone could truly love someone.
Yet , have them waiting sobbing hurt and apologizing
for how my depression hurt you.
While you we across the street ******* someone with the perfect
view of our truck.
I broke up with you,
when you didn't come home, or didn't tell me you were leaving.
Or didn't come to court,
Or make sure I got there, while you had our car.
When you left my dog alone all day in a small room.
Came home at 6pm, then asked me to drive you around,
while you told me how I have been so horrible.
Silly girl, I am such an evil human being in your eyes.
I do honestly deserve to be knocked out don't I?

And slutty and disloyal,
should be my middle names.
I mean any other girl in the universe could pull off,
bailing you out of jail when you were arrested in a hotel room,
with your new **** piece.
There isn't another soul in the world,
that wouldn't even question sending you almost every thing she had,
wouldn't  keep putting money on a line that I answered
and talked to you on for hours everyday.
For you to get angry and yell at me for not doing
all the things you needed done.
While I was homeless, broke at times.
It is also truly disgusting, that I couldn't keep my legs closed.
I mean I should always feel wanted by you.
I am stupid to feel insecure, why would I?

I can be such an idiot at times.
Hurting like I do,
crying when you leave me,
so I know I will be alone for the next 16 hours or so.
While you hang out and go places
that you won't take me.
Cause I am just a miserable ***** when you do.
When I am upset at you leaving me in a car for an hour,
while you sit and chat with an female enemy of mine.
Respect? I'm an idiot if I don't feel respected,
honestly I shake my head at me.
What a joke.

I need to just stop it with this stupid depression
and PTSD thing.
I am lying when I say I can't, just stop is all I have to do.
I am a pathological liar.

And why would my goofy *** hate myself?
With so many insults going around,
With being a failure like I am,
fighting so many battles
and losing them all while I gave it my all.
is just the silliest.

I mean I should feel loved,
when I am sobbing asking you to hold me.
And get hit,
When I am begging you to love me.
And you throw garbage at me
walking away
or I take a well deserved punch or two.
I should feel special while you speak to a bunch of other girls.
and you tell me of the horrible things being said about me.
And when I ask for you to come home,
I should not expect anyone to wanna be around my crybaby self.
If I would just stop it and be happy
then you wouldn't have to  talk to me like that.

If my stubborn, fat head would only just accept that you want me.
While I cry alone all the time,
sitting with no one to talk to
nothing to do.
You are making us money,
so I just need to stop with my nervous breakdown.
It past the point of too much.

I just need to stop hurting, stop the insecurities
stop the panic attacks and just stop hurting and get over the grief.
If could only stop being a ***** with her head in a vortex.
With bad memories, insults and pain 24/7.
Treating you like ****,
stop getting ****** and asking you to want to be near me.
To hold me and love cause I hate myself right now.
Than maybe you wouldn't just be annoyed by tortuous pain in my heart.
Maybe if I could stop going crazy
cause I can just stop it if I wanted to.
I would never be the cause of you to be so angry
that you lash out at me.
Tell me I am the ******* I keep saying I am.

Silly girl, just stop the pain,
Stop expecting him to care,
Stop assuming stupid things like you not loving me..

Maybe I would be worthy of your love,
Instead of your punches.
If I would just end my life myself.

You could be the loving, grieving man of a silly girl who just wouldn't get her head out of the clouds.
Continue reading...
1.1k · Oct 2017
Dopesick
Ingrid Ohls Oct 2017
Dopesick
You are standing there and asking me how I feel right now.
Do you really want to know the truth?
The truth is I ache, everywhere and nowhere.
I want to climb out of my own skin and never ever come back inside of it.
I want to sleep, but I can’t
I can’t move though.
Every time I try to walk my muscles feel like I have walked miles upon miles.
My hair hurts on top of my head.  
I want so badly to go and find something to make me feel better
Yet I am totally lacking in the ability to do so.

You do opiates with me,
You see me do them everyday.
You know I am doing them.
Yet you help yourself, you forget about me.
Then when you come home you deny my sickness.
You try to tell me I don’t know what I am talking about.
That I am getting the flu.
What gives you the right to be the judge of that?
For once could the facts come into play for you?
For just ******* once could you think of me?
For once can I ******* matter?

I am telling you I am sick,
I was depending on you to pull through for me.
Now, I am just laying here half awake half asleep
While you are good and fine.
Knowing you could have helped me,
Decided against it, then made me feel like there is not one thing about me that you care about.
There is not one thing I say that you believe.
Dopesick, lovesick, tired of this life…
Ready to give up.
Continue reading...
1.1k · Oct 2017
Your Sweater
Ingrid Ohls Oct 2017
Your Sweater
Something as simple as refolding your sweater.
Pulling the grey fabric close to my chin.
When I put my cheek right up to that sweater,
I can feel it all.
Every single hug you ever gave me.
It breaks me down,
I have to take a break from reality
Escaping to a quiet, private room.
I sit down and I can feel.
You in this moment are here, so incredibly close to me,
In this moment I want to give you a million missed hugs.
There is so much I want to talk to you about.
So many things I want to ask you.
So many memories that you would have loved to be there for dad.
I wish I could have seen the look on your face,
At the end of Azlyn’s first dance recital?
She was our perfect little show stealer.
I would love to sit with you again.
Coffee in one hand, and a smoke in the other.
We could look at each other, with the feeling of succeeding.
While we smile the most genuine smiles
While we are filled with pride.
Staring at that amazing work of art,
That I can’t believe is my first baby girl.
She was your everything,
Please know Dad, you loved her well.
I am glad she saw papa, that she had you in her life.
The dad I remember, the amazing one with MS
That wasn’t quite so sick, wasn’t losing his strength.
That I didn’t have to help you with things.
Things you wanted to do, but you couldn’t anymore.
I am glad to know you trusted me more than anybody else,
After yourself.

I hold the sweater to my cheek and I close my eyes again.
I see my dad’s shoulders shaking, holding in a laugh.
When he knows the hilarious ending to a joke and no one else does.
I can see him once again ordering 56 pies individually delivered to his truck.  
On Saturday afternoons, while we sit out back.
Playing in the water,
Then I make you play market with me.
We **** some snails, as you laugh at me
I am in a flower girl dress from my cousins wedding.
I see us on saturday mornings at 5 am,
Watching rockin rhymes fairytales.
It was the only time the show was on.
I watched a taped one once, instantly hooked.
Then you spent the week reviewing the entire week
using the tv guide.
You found it for me.
You were so excited to tell me,
That I could watch my favourite show,
I loved our Saturdays together Dad.
We would watch the show,
Then listen to the radio show.
That would have the cartoon trivia call in contest.
Dad, you always knew the answer and we won
So many things, one sticks out the most.

We won tickets to Canada’s Wonderland.
I wanted to go so bad, I had never been anywhere like that.
Rides, actual roller coasters, a water park.
In places like that though, you would be stuck.
You would be left out just because of something as simple as a door frame.
But you were there, watching me
Maybe not the best view,
Probably not the way either of us wanted it.
But you were there dad watching me.

So when I held your sweater tonight I knew.
You are still watching me Dad,
With love and care in your heart.
It may not be the seat you wanted to have.
I know I wish that it wasn’t this way.
4 years after you died.
Folding a large grey woolen sweater tonight.
I felt you there with me, I got a hug from you.
I cried and you were there with me.
For the first time in four years I felt whole again.
Safe
Special.
Like I had a family again.
Someone believed in me,
Appreciated who I was just the way I am.
I love you Dad, and thank you for being in my life.
It was great seeing you again Dad,
Seeing your face again,
Hearing your voice,
Comforting my anxiety.
I was reminded that you are always watching me.
Just not from the ideal seat.
But then again it never was.
#dad #grief #love #loss #of #loved #one #daughtrer
Continue reading...
1.1k · Jan 2014
History
Ingrid Ohls Jan 2014
History
How did I know that a half assed apology would make my way this morning?
How did I know that it wouldn't mean a thing, and that nothing would change?
History I suppose.
This history also shows, just how many nights I fought my own head to stay strong.
While you, lied, cheated, had no thought of my inner battle.
The battle you started.

I became weak as a kitten, with every passing day I yearned for the support from you.
I would scream "Please, I Just want you to hold me till I can face the world again!"
The screaming, you would just say would hurt your ears.
So, you'd walk away, or hang up the phone.
And the knife would go in deeper, through to the other side how many times?

If everyone else can see the pain in my eyes?
Are you the blind one? Or, do you just  see your own?
Am I just a mirror, and now that I am broken in pieces, not valued that much?
A little "****, I'm sorry" text.

After I tell you, you never run to me, so I give up.
I said you wouldn't do anything for me, and I deserve that.
I told you goodbye cause I was never worth that much to you.
and that you had every chance to prove the love I so desperately fought for,
you ignored me last night.

For the last time, you hung up on my pain.
For the last time, I let you, whom didn't care how hopeless I felt,
control the direction of my life.
You, were supposed to the man, the strong one protecting what you loved.
Yet, Battered, bruised, beat down by the world, and alone.
That's all I am.

You will read what I write, give up, and live on without me.
And that is why I choose to do the same.
History shows we weren't meant to  be.
And now I close the book, the pain.
And say Good Bye.
Continue reading...
1.1k · Apr 2013
Don't stop to look around. You see your true thoughts then.
Ingrid Ohls Apr 2013
Don't stop to look around. You see your true thoughts then.
I hate these times.
Sitting around a pile of boxes.
With all of the broken promises looming in the air.
Where, we believed we were invincible.
We believed that we were each others forever.
So long ago, and the haunting nights I sat alone.
Just waiting for it to come back to us.
Waiting for our light to come back to us.
But with blow after blow, you flew away.
And I lost a piece of me with every tear.
All those things that once were,
The life we had planned. Gone.
I am too hurt to face the truth, I'll never be the same.
I lost myself in your hatred towards me.
I gave myself away, so here is my shell.
And it's not a lot left.
Everything I was, sorry I lost it.
My spark faded out as the heartbreak took over.
Insecurities and fake emotions to cover the stabbing pain that never leaves.
I slept with someone,
Who said nice things and made me feel somewhat ok.
We both know though, that was only an escape from the endless taunting screaming in my head.
It's gone, what we had.
It's all gone, no matter what you say now.
I can't erase what you said and did to her.
I can't fill the emptiness.
Sitting here, staring at you, staring into the eyes
Of the most intense raw pain I have ever felt.
Is far too much.
Faking and lying to him is too.
I can't care about anyone.
Look at me, I'm running on fumes.
I had the zest for life,
The wanting to give affection bled out of me.
Every night I cried alone in bed.
I'd call, beg for you to love me.
If you were here, you would walk right by.
That, I'll never forget.
The first pain of knowing you could care about someone else, was shattering.
The pain that followed as piece by piece I lost my dignity trying to get it to be me you loved.
When you would walk by, look at me as just a nuisance, a pathetic worthless sub standard human.
That's what remains, the pain outweighs it all.
The pain of losing the thing I believed in the most.
I can't have you, and you poisoned most of me.
So here is what is left,
A broken woman who will never believe in anything again.
Hides her pain in something that grabs her attention for a minute.
And boxes, some kids clothes on the floor.
Broken picture frames, shattered dreams.
When I sit here you can smell the hatred you had for me.
The walls almost drip with my blood.
I still wake up when I can sleep, alone.
Waiting for more pain, or waiting for it to finish me off.
It shouldn't have ended, or maybe it should have never begun.
Continue reading...
1.1k · Jun 2010
A tired mom, needs five minutes, to vent
Ingrid Ohls Jun 2010
A tired mom, needs five minutes, to vent
There was a time,
When I picked up a pen and the words would just flow.
My head leaked into my hand and wrote it all down.
Now, I am too busy.
Too tired, too much of what everyone else wants.
I let my dreams slip away,
I miss writing, I miss knowing what I'm feeling.
I miss being centered, having my little place.

There was a time when I looked forward to friends, family.
Now, I look forward to silence.
To a moment to myself to sit and do absolutely nothing at all.
No, I do not want a drink.
No, I am not going to answer the phone.
No, the kids are going to bed, it's past their bed time.
No, I don't know who I am.

Yes, I want to scream.
Yes, sometimes I do want to run away,
go, and live on an island.
No,  I would never go anywhere without my kids.

The problem with being a mother,
you watch yourself slowly melt into this person you hardly know.
This person you never, ever thought you would become.
Some days, you become so drained, so lackluster
You think, just for a second...
Where would I be...

I would be no where,
I would be lost,
I would be lonely,
Instead of cuddling my baby,
I would hold a pillow?
Instead of doing hair for a ballet recital,
I would watch a movie with myself?
No smiles?
No kisses?
No one wanting your undivided attention?
Not helping them learn how to be themselves?
I gave up myself, so they could be them,

I am strong, to teach them how to be.
I am happy, because they are.
I am loud, to be heard.
I am quiet, so they can sleep.
I am here, so they can be.
They are everything to me.
Continue reading...
977 · Mar 2013
My Daughters
Ingrid Ohls Mar 2013
My Daughters
When my daughters are older,
On their own, making their own way.
I hope I have taught them well.
I hope I've shown them how to be strong.
I hope when they look back they know,
I never sacrificed my own happiness,
For someone to hurt and control my life.
I hope they realize that battling yourself,
Just isn't worth it, so love yourself.
I hope they know how beautiful they are.
I hope they walk up the mountain,
Step by step.
That there is an easier way,
But if they're losing themselves its just not worth it.
I hope they never wait by a phone for boy,
I hope they live their life,
Not just search for love to accept them.
I want them to be able to see a bad situation,
Stand tall and do what they have to do.
For them.
I hope the world never steals their beautiful smile.
That it never ever makes them feel worthless.
That it never breaks them so much they feel unlovable, undesirable.
My daughters, those girls who have the most beautiful spirits.
I do not want them to change who they are.
I hope they accept themselves as the masterpieces that they are.
That they never back down from what is right for what is easy.
That everyday they wake up proud of who they are, what they've done and where they're going.
If I break down, give up, let society win.
They will be broken before they step a foot out in the world.
If I can't be the person I wish them to be,
They will fail.
I want them to know,
That the tears will fall, the heart will break.
But they never, ever change who they are.
They learn that the hard times are lessons,
Tests of strength.
And they will survive them all with grace and dignity.
That there is no species in this world that is stronger than a woman with self love.
I choose to be what I want for my daughters.
I choose to be their safety net, their counselor and role model.
I will be the strongest, most beautiful woman in the world.
For them.
So when they stand alone,
Not sure which road to take.
The know how strong, how beautiful and intelligent they are.
They make their decisions proudly.
They know what is right for them.
Continue reading...
975 · Jun 2010
imperfections
Ingrid Ohls Jun 2010
imperfections
we are imperfections of the universe
Power greedy beings, who do not understand
All knowing, stupid creatures of habit.
Believing in all, Realizing nothing
with questioning morals
We lie in the name of love, **** in the name of God.
We judge everything, as if we have the right to.
We depend on the passiveness of non-violent people.
To bully them and prove our power
Stating they are "weak", when in fact,
Are intelligent. Amongst the powerful morons that govern our society.
They **** children, for freedom.
Stealing their innocence.
We all watch on, intelligent and stupid alike.
Do nothing and justify ******.
Learning nothing from the past,
We continue to be guided by falsehoods,
Such as religion and democracy
Millionaires, **** for oil.  ****** the youth of a chance for peace.
Blood rains down on the world,
Lies, hatred and envy grow.
Until one day, no one will be safe.
No one will know the true meaning of love,
or peace.
We will blame the media, society, parenting.
Anything but ourselves and the ignorance we hold so dear to our cold hearts.
Forgetting that we all played a part in digging the mass grave we will all one day lie in.
Where will the politicians hide when the bombs strike the world?
Continue reading...
937 · Dec 2012
Untitled
Ingrid Ohls Dec 2012
Untitled
Is it so hard to remember my love,
How you felt?
How you would smell my hair and let out a sigh beside me.
How you would make me feel the way no one ever has,
No one will.
Do you remember smiling, by just looking at me?
Do you remember the inside jokes,
The sleep ins, the late nights.
Do you remember candy land?
How Maddy would always win?
And how terrible a loser she was.
Do you remember coming home 8 years ago,
After that week apart?
Where you fell on the floor,
Came to me and just grabbed me as if you'd never let me go again?
How we didn't have money, but we had each other.
And that was always enough?
Where did you go?
Come back here,
Please one day fall through the door and kiss the floor and be thankful I still love you.
Continue reading...
927 · Dec 2013
It was just a month, but you changed me
Ingrid Ohls Dec 2013
It was just a month, but you changed me
Today I was thinking,
of your lips kissing every part of me.                
Do you remember that?
The morning we just couldn't let go of each other.
Pure energy every times your lips would meet my skin.
You were going to lock up for the weekend.
Our goodbye of sorts.
It was the most passion and the closest thing to love I felt in so long.
The thought, that you would be sitting alone,
thinking of all the parts of me you kissed all weekend,
You would have that memory to keep you company,
made it that much more  enticing.
I actually said I love you, and was so glad you didn't hear.
We were far too early for anyone to say things like that.
I wouldn't want what was happening to change for anything in the world.

You gave me that watch,
I was so amazed that for whatever reason you had it,
You would think of me.
And that made me want you close so much more, you would never know.
He smashed it,  he took it and smashed it.
I screamed at him, I cried so hard and I couldn't tell you.
I still think about it and the pain is still there
the emptiness feeling in my stomach when I saw the pieces lying there.
He had grabbed me and gave me the watch he had given me.
Screamed at me to wear it instead, I threw it at him.
Told him I wanted nothing more than for him to stay away.
I told him not to ruin what I  wanted anymore.
He did I guess, or did I? Did you?

That night at my house,
you know the one,
Where his rage took a stab at us.
And we left,
That night I chose you.
I left all my belongings, my home and I chose a new chapter.
I chose you.
Remember when you took my hand in the cab and pulled me close?
The safest I have felt in years.
The closest to anyone as well.
I felt your heart and who you were and I hoped for time with you like this.

You stole my heart and made me believe again.
And now your hateful words and absence make me know.
How utterly silly of me to give my heart away,
how ridiculous to think I would ever mean anything.
I didn't love him you know.
I was falling for you.
I loved falling asleep in your arms.
I loved looking into your gorgeous eyes.
I hate how it ended.
And now, I wish it was just beginning again.
I have the memories, your gorgeous face and eyes I can still see.
I think I will hold on for a little while more.
Continue reading...
885 · Mar 2013
A Darker Outlook
Ingrid Ohls Mar 2013
A Darker Outlook
I never knew this before.
But, there is a time in our life,
When we realize just how horrendous it is,
To be human.
We realize that , that one person
Who said they would never hurt you.
You believed it,
In fact you knew it.
And a first crack hits,
You see just how painstakingly selfish this place is.
You feel the crush in your chest and the years in your eyes.
At some point during all this,
There's the ones that are still there.
The ones that hold you up
Make you feel as if you are strong enough.
You again with your trust,
Have your guard down.
A best friend will not hurt you.
They turn away as well.
And, when that happens.
You realize that you will never again trust another humans feelings.
If the only people in the world.
That were thought to be your allies
Left you with huge scars.
Then the world is a much,
Much darker place than ever imagined.
That while these feelings of self hate,
And complete lack of confidence on your ability to be loved.
Respected, adored, honoured.
Thats when the thoughts come out,
All those feelings, they are what set you apart at times.
They are what sets you apart.
You look at yourself and you realize
Just how much you would have done.
What you never would have,
How you could never have thought or done
The pain that was given to you.
The world it seems is a much colder darker place
Than first assumed.
You have changed, you will never hold a relationship
With the same absolution ever again.
Spouses, family and friends,
Are not what you thought.
Good and bad,
This world will lift you up,
To pull you down.
To watch you fall.
Break and change.
When you get up and walk you'll smile again.
The world will be cold, dark
People will destroy you
But if anyone keep faith in yourself
When the world is heartless and cold,
Try to remember to feel your heartbeat,
And love the innocent souls you created
And hope they never ever feel like you do.
Hope the sun stays out
The dark clouds that encompass you,
Stay with you instead.
Continue reading...
862 · May 2012
A thief in the Night
Ingrid Ohls May 2012
A thief in the Night
Like a thief in the night,
it came, and stole apart of me away.
Like a lightbulb that burnt out.
You took a part of me.
Leaving scars, where scars shouldn't be.
You set out on a war,
a battle on my soul.

There is this darkness,
Like a plague,
constantly looming.
Hanging just above our heads.
Where lies control,
where hearts are broken.
The wounded, go unnoticed.

Walk through the blood,
it seems easy for you to do.
Just take what you want,
leave the broken, the wounded.
There is no use for them
in the world you have created.

Your delusional thoughts believe,
that this is a better life.
Where the wounded, the hurt,
are wrong.
And you are the king of right.

Please take a moment to look,
Open your eyes and see,
this life you have created,
will be the death of yourself.
Us, the supposed broken,
will be standing,
we will watch you lose your footing.
As you have lost it on reality.
We will be the ones to bury,
We will be the ones to carry on.

While you,
who is all wanting.
You,
who is uncaring,
You,
will end.

We will,
Be strong, as we have always been.
We will,
glance on,
as you steal the last breath from yourself.
Continue reading...
861 · Jun 2010
Music
Ingrid Ohls Jun 2010
Music
Music can change your mind.
The lyrics bringing you warmth in your coldest moments.
The flow of a few words with a chord,
can seem so simple.
The flow can mean so much.
The beat giving your heart a pace,
to keep beating.
When you can find no reason to go on,
Mind bending music,
helping you to see the world through new eyes.
Giving a broken heart,
something to believe in.
A broken soul,
healed with voice of someone they will never meet.
A soundtrack to a life,
A reason to smile.
Turn up the volume and become someone else,
for a while.
Continue reading...
845 · Aug 2013
Untitled
Ingrid Ohls Aug 2013
Untitled
Dad, I hope you're not in your head,
Hating who you are.
It was an accident, I would still try to.
I hope you have peace, quiet for now.
The heartache that surronded your life.
Easing up, floating away until you feel none.
I don't want you to see yourself right now.
I don't want you to think that all you are was a chronic illness, a brokedown body.
That flames have now kissed.
Know that your intelligence still intimidates me.
Your humour quick, smart.
Even as I watched your body attack itself.
Slowly taking your life away.
As your anger and hate for what your body did to you.
Became all consuming, I still know who you are.
You are the amazing cook, terrible math tutor, lunch at home, you were my picture of strength.
You were the one when I was little to cuddle me.
You were the very proud man, who in a few calls could get it done
Dad,  I can still see your face.
I can still see the fright, the knowledge.
The forfeit.
I want you to know I loved you.
I want you to know I respect you more then any other person in this world.
I was with till the end,
and I know you will be with me.
I almost am excited for it to be my time.
To feel those arms that were so strong when I was little hug me once more.
To hear you say, welcome partner, we are home.
Until then, watch me close and yell at me loud enough for me to hear.
Help me with my choices, get me through this tough life.
I wrote this one morning, when I was sitting beside my father's bedside in a hospital. I had it as a draft and just saw it, I don't remember writing it. I wrote the last two or three lines tonight to finish it.
Continue reading...
834 · Dec 2012
Black Hair
Ingrid Ohls Dec 2012
Black Hair
I died my hair black,
To forget about you.
To be able to look at myself,
See someone who wasn't alone.
To be able to give myself a chance.
To make you see I'm beautiful always.
You can't see it,
You don't want to.
I'm alone.
Still can't look at myself.
Still can't face the truth of it all.
Still ugly, still unwanted.
Still not worth your time.
I have black hair,
It matches my soul.
Continue reading...
762 · Dec 2017
Best Friends Forever
Ingrid Ohls Dec 2017
Best Friends Forever
There is no one in this world who will ever understand me like you,
no one has ever tried to make me love myself more than you have.
I am happy that you are happy, more happy than you about most likely to be honest.
It has been awhile since we have been around each other,
you have been mad at me.
I would have been mad at me too,
you love me and I wasn't loving myself.
I was angry too a bit,
cause I felt really, really alone.
It hurts so bad sometimes you know.
To sit there thinking about how little you matter to anyone.
Yesterday though, when you sent me that message.
I was ready to just disappear.
I have been here fighting so hard to get myself back.
I fought through the withdrawals of ****** and methadone
totally on my own.
It was hell and I fought it by myself and for the first time in a long time.
I won a fight, I was proud of myself.
No one noticed though,
Which is fine, I didn't need anyone too.
I just wanted to matter to someone,
I didn't have anyone and I hurt so badly I just didn't know what to do.
I hurt about a boy who has already moved on as I am still here staring at my phone
hoping he was gonna call.
I am living at my moms, the house I grew up in and I feel like I am so unwanted
in my own home.
I was ready to give up for good, to just disappear into the night.
It is hard when no one never sees the good in you anymore,
when they just think these horrible things about you.
Cause you broke when your life flipped upside down.
I handled it poorly but it didn't change me,
I was gonna just slip away with no one noticing.
Then you messaged me to tell you were getting married,
I mattered.
I am so happy for you, and I promise I wont miss this one for the world.
I am even happier though, that you thought about me in those moments,
cause you sent me a message to tell your news,
I knew I wasn't alone,
I knew I mattered to you,
and you matter to me too.
Yesterday, today, tomorrow and forever.
Continue reading...
749 · Mar 2010
In A Fog
Ingrid Ohls Mar 2010
In A Fog
Is it real, any of it?

Is a constant reminder and feeling of what was,

Just that,

Only a feeling?

Or is it my warning sign to break now,

Run while I still can,

Or sit and wait for the walls to crumble.

Warning signs, self contempt,

I can no longer tell the difference.

That is terrifying,

Knowledge is power,

Ignorance is bliss.

What do I choose?

Where do I go?

And who can I run to?

What becomes of us when we spend our time,

Thinking of what might be?

And worrying about what could be true.

Lost and alone,

I ask myself these questions.

I always ask myself these questions,

Yet I still have not found an answer.

Frightened, stressed, and unimpressed

I wander through my day,

In a fog.
Continue reading...
744 · Mar 2013
Untitled
Ingrid Ohls Mar 2013
Untitled
Honesty
Reassurance
Calm
Love
Lust
Passion
Laughs
Cuddles
Attenti­on
Time
Devotion
Fun
Is that really too much to ask for?
Continue reading...
726 · Jun 2010
Who Knows...
Ingrid Ohls Jun 2010
Who Knows...
Who knows where we go when we die?
Does the past linger for them too?
Do they really watch over us,
Or is there such a utopia that surronds them,
That they forget us, and really leave us all together?
I do not believe this, yet have no idea what happens.
Who would they go and see?
I would want to be so many places,
All at once.
Try to make myself a part of everyone's day,
I would like to break myself into a million pieces.
Make myself into inanimate objects of everyone's day.
And, everytime they used that object,
they.... not knowing why were reminded of me.
A colour even, A fictional character,
When I die,
I want to be ink on paper,
Shades of pink lipstick,
I want to be an invented imaginary place that only two people really know exists.
I want to be a kiss,
a hug,
A hand on someone's shoulder.
A tear that magically disappears as it runs down a cheek.
A quiet warm feeling that makes you feel so safe.
I want to be everything, anything.
A memory that will never fade from one's mind.
Continue reading...
721 · May 2012
Do Not take what is not yours
Ingrid Ohls May 2012
Do Not take what is not yours
There are tears in the world tonight,
There is love that is hated,
Good people, with hearts full of love.
Rejected, denied, abused.

There is love in the world tonight,
where the hated, still love.
Where the rejected,
are held tight.
Where the world comes together.
To say, this is not right.

Who has the right,
to tell you who to love?
No one, can control anothers heart.
The people, who worship a book.
That is supposed to be a book of love,
they hate, they despise, they steal equality.

Do not take what is not yours to take,
It is not yours to claim,
it is not yours to abuse.

They are not wrong,
they are not the devil.
For loving with all of their hearts.

Take a lesson,
learn from them.
The true meaning of the word love.
Continue reading...
718 · Aug 2016
Written to a love, who will never leave my heart.
Ingrid Ohls Aug 2016
Written to a love, who will never leave my heart.
The thing about us I like is,
We never really let each other go.
No matter who we meet, or who we date.
We remain the same, special beings to one another.
Somewhat like a magnet, or a divine energy,
persistently re-connecting us to one another.

We wait...
For the unknown future which we both know exists for us.
We are not, never have been or will be  each others fall back plan.
We are waiting, until we are healed enough.
To be totally perfect for each other.

They always tell me, I light up around you.
They tell me that you do  the same.
We are each other's happy place.
Time, mistakes, other people can not change that.
Nothing ever will.

There are times when I look into your eyes,
and my heart just stops.
My jaw feels as if it has fallen to the floor.
We stand there,
both of us totally lost in each other.
It's these moments where words evade me.
My breath escapes my lungs,  and there is just peace.
We both find that peace in each others eyes.
We both find happiness in each others company.

We both know it is love.
We both know we are each other's future.
We still wait.

We won't say "I love you"
We don't let the world know any little detail of us at all.
We wait for the perfect moment,
When our two lives,
are one, once again.

No matter how much time passes,
you still are in my heart,
you still have the ability to change me.
Continue reading...
708 · Jul 2017
I Miss A Bunch
Ingrid Ohls Jul 2017
I Miss A Bunch
So what exactly did I do?
To have you become so angry at me you just cut me out of your life.
To forget about me completely after I held it down for you.
I'm dopesick and I'm tired of hurting for someone that doesn't give a ****.
I'm lost and I'm sorry but it never even mattered to you.
Do you miss me right now? Cause I miss you.
I miss the sound of your voice and I miss looking at your perfect lips.
I miss just having to kiss them and I miss the way you could make me laugh.
I miss sitting there and just looking over at your perfect face.
Surprised every time at how perfectly gorgeous you truly are.
I miss you kissing my head as you held me close.
I miss knowing I had you as mine.
I miss not hurting, I don't wanna keep checking my phone.
No new texts, no missed calls and just more and more disappointing silence.
No one here with me, nothing to call mine.
Just some pictures of you and I that I took that I wish I had just took today.
Instead I will just sit here and try my hardest to forget what I felt for you.
I'll make myself forget you until I am okay.
#breakup #sad #love #miss #him #missing #ignored
Continue reading...
704 · Apr 2013
Untitled
Ingrid Ohls Apr 2013
Untitled
It doesn't seem fair does it?
So much emotion centered at another soul.
There is the passion, the completly overwhelming want to feel every inch of your body.
The unmistaken need of having you as close as humanly possible.
Your lips meet mine, and there is nothing that can overtake me that quickly.
Even your breath on the back of my neck is enough for me to,  for a moment or two forget the pain.
Forget how I spend most of the day.
We ended up in pergatory together.
As close as two can be, and never so torn as we are.
I'm so broken by your choices, pulled together again by the arms that tore out my heart.
We scream, spew hatred, cry, throw knives to see who can hurt who more.
Only to reach out for the other to save us everytime
To be true loves and each others poison.
It's truly terrifying.
Imagine you not here with me.
Imagine us spending the rest of our lives in this crazy chaos.
Lying in your arms is where I should be,
But the ghosts,
They can sure haunt a damaged soul.
Two people that have been broken into a million pieces.
The love, that undying unconditional truth that we cannot deny.
Why do we try my love?
Why is the anger so immense?
I wish we never even had to hear the word addiction.
I close my eyes, go back in time.
Before our life was unhinged.
I can feel that feeling,  feel the happiness run through my body.
Like a shockwave.
The lightning will strike again,
Reality will bring it all back.
Bring back the stranger who I remain chained to.
You, my disease
My cure.
Please save yourself.
To save me.
To save the perfect moment I forget how a white powder erased me from your mind.
Continue reading...
699 · Mar 2013
I'm trying
Ingrid Ohls Mar 2013
I'm trying
I'm trying here,
To keep my sanity.
Feel like a human being.
To feel beautiful,
When all I really feel is low.
Unwanted. Unloved.
I'm trying to smile instead of cry.
To make the most of a horrible situation.
Learn from it I guess.
I can't decide what to do.
I don't know where to go,
I don't want to look in the mirror.
I don't even know her anymore.
I let go,
Gave up really.
Still, lost.
Feeling alone and insane.
Feeling insecure and disliked
May just be the worst of this mess.
Continue reading...
696 · Nov 2011
Azzy
Ingrid Ohls Nov 2011
Azzy
These eyes that stare at me,
Blue as the sky on the clearest day.
Offer innocence, offer solace.
Those eyes complete me,
They heal my soul.

That blonde hair,
As if the sunshine would follow me anyhere.
Brings me back, fulfills me.
Gives me energy to fight on.

That energy, so full of life.
Reminds me why,
Life is beautiful.
Hearing that little voice,
those simple words.
Can remind me in a second why I am here.
I love you mommy,
Makes all the bad in the world go away.
Continue reading...
683 · Feb 2013
Here's the Thing
Ingrid Ohls Feb 2013
Here's the Thing
Here's the thing, you sit here crying over her.
You want it all back.
How many nights did she sob? Beg? Plead?
You stomped her into the ground.
Then, she rises stronger and more beautiful then before.
She realizes her happiness is her own.
You're too late, through destroying her.
You made someone far more amazing and that much stronger.
She'll say thank you, and she'll walk away.
You will sit with your regrets while she takes on the world.
Watch your world discover one,
Where you just exist.
Where she wanders wherever you will not be.
You broke it apart.
While glass shattered around her.
She was the only One there to help her.
While you saw the wounds,
And chose not to care.
The scars are fading my friend.
And with them, you
Become a memory of how she got where she's going.
Continue reading...
682 · Apr 2013
there's you and him
Ingrid Ohls Apr 2013
there's you and him
There's you, and him.
There's years of mixed emotions.
Passion, lust, love, anger.
Nights of no sleep,
Under the duvet.
Anywhere we could.
The devotion, the idolation.
The spiral out of control.
The downfall of an empire.
The screams, tears and heartache.
The most destitute feeling.
There's Him.
I wake up to sweet compliments.
I feel wanted,  
I feel like someone has patiently waited.
Waiting for the right time.
Just when I needed him.
Nothing is set in stone,
It's just so new.
Your arms for a very long time,
We're the only ones.
But they're gone now.
With him I feel safe.
And so afraid.
Of us ending,
Of a new us beginning.
Of me losing both.
I dont know whether to fight and stay,
Or be swept on a new happy journey,
Or more pain.
I am scared of letting go.
I an desperate to move on and forget
I'm desperate for a miracle.
This is a little older one now
Continue reading...
672 · Apr 2016
Our Kind of Love
Ingrid Ohls Apr 2016
Our Kind of Love
True love.
When you see the words, you wish for it.
Assuming it would and should be so easy.  
You want it, you want true unconditional, undying love.
The kind of love that never changes, never leaves, or takes a vacation.

The kind of love that is unselfish, never believing a lie.
The kind of love that is never deceitful.
The kind of love that us mere mortals have created an image of in our heads.
As we are so prone to do, always wanting, bigger, better and badder.

We lose sight of the fact that we are far from unconditional beings.
We die, we change, we do selfish things, every last one of us.
We can be deceived, as well as deceive ourselves.
We are mortals, we will be born and we will die.
We will always try to attain the impossible things that we do not need.
We get bigger, not better, we get badder.

If for one second, we continue to let ourselves believe that as humans,
we will never, ever hurt the one we care about.
Or let our mind wander from time to time,
we would be setting ourselves up for failure.
We are humans, we make mistakes daily.
We hurt ourselves, we hurt the ones we love.
No matter what we do these things are certain.

But I know, in my heart and in my head
The only person that I could ever imagine growing old with, is you.
Ever since the moment you came into my life,
I knew you would never not be in it.
You are my soul mate, you are my better half.
You are the one who can make me smile, when I want to crawl into a hole and die.

And I am so very sorry I am just human.
I am so sorry for believing lies about you, or lying to you.
I am sorry for not always being there for you.
Because I love you,
and you deserve someone to always be there for you.
You deserve me to always be there for you.
Because you love me,
and you want me to be there for you.

I promise you this,
until the end of time I will love you.
I will do everything I can to make sure every day you know how amazing you are.
How important you are to me,
and how I never want to wake up without you by my side.

You make me a better person,
and you push me when I need it.
You make me more me than anyone else.
You love me for everything I am,
and everything I am not.
You amaze me,
your love for me amazes me.
Our love for each other is amazing.
You make me want to be stronger, better, more than I am.
I love you, only you.
I never want to not have you in my life.

We have both ****** up.
And those **** human tendencies we were cursed with,
will pop up again.
But I promise you this, and I hope you promise me the same.
I will never leave you,
I will never let anyone else touch me.
I only want your hands on my body,
I only want you inside of me.
I will never intentionally hurt you or deceive you.
I will never again cheat on you,
I will never make you believe you aren’t the best part of my life.
Because you are.

I realize that what we have is true love,
it is the most rare and beautiful love in the world.
I also realize though,
this is the real true love.
Not the one that doesn’t exist.
The one that has been forced down our throats for years
by fake stories, watching fake people live story book lives.
That love isn’t real.
They aren’t real.
Our love is real.
We are real.

We are as real as real can be.
And so is our love.

Our love is the kind of love that has waited for each other.
Our love is the kind of love that never has faltered, never lessened.
Our love is the kind of love that has kept us going, has made us better people.
We would die for each other, we live for each other.
We breathe each other in, we are the mirror image of each other.

You touch me, and my temperature instantly rises.
I crave your lips on my skin.
Our senses heighten at the sight of each other,
and we fit so perfectly together,
it is too ****** clear to see we were made for each other.

You are my best friend,
you are my soldier.
I am your best friend,
I am your allie.
I will ride out with you as your lover and friend until the day I die.
I will always stand tall when you need me to and I will always hold you down.

You will never ever have to wonder if I have your back,
just know this already.
We are not a fairy tale, we are not make believe.
We are real.
We are the most amazing love story I have ever known.

The thought of our unique and real love story makes me smile,
No matter how dark the day.
I love you.
I love every single part of you.
I love the thought of you.

I love this poem I just wrote because I wrote it for you.
To explain my love, to explain our love.
To tell you that I will never ever not be your girl.
I will mail this to you,
and you will read it while in jail.
Because we are real and we are bad ***.
We are the only thing either of us knows for sure.

I love you baby, and no matter how bad this road gets,
I will ride out for you.
I will never stop trying to be a better person for myself, and for you.
I will always miss you when you are not beside me.
And no one will ever take your place.
You are irreplaceable.
Your love is irreplaceable.

You and I,
will always have the most real, most profound, most beautiful love story I have ever known.

You and I,
Until the end of time.
Continue reading...
672 · May 2013
tragic
Ingrid Ohls May 2013
tragic
Is it a love story, or just a tragedy?
Is the tragedy how completely incompetent you are?
How sad a story for someone to be so broken,
that they are no longer a person.
A person would never hurt another like that.
A true human being would never treat someone like that.
I am mean, because you are cruel.
I am finished, because you were too weak and gave up too many times.
Do not blame me for your mistakes,
do not blame me for walking.
Too much of a coward to read what you have done.

Giving up your humanity was your choice,

it was never mine.
My choice is to let you, the heartless soul that I tried to help so many times.
Who left me alone, left me and ignored me at every turn.
My choice is to live while you die.
My choice is to smile,
You just want me to remain in the hell you created for me.
While you smile,
I refuse to give anymore of myself for someone
who never once saw my life for how horrendous you have made it.
Never tried to fix it
Never gave up the things that broke it.

You were my everything,
and you took yourself away and made yourself nothing.
You ignored everything and expected me to ruin myself,
while you carried on.
I am done,
I am finished.
You are not who I loved in the first place,
you are no longer you.
I am not holding onto to who you were,
when you never would.
Continue reading...
672 · Aug 2016
I have been here before
Ingrid Ohls Aug 2016
I have been here before
"I am on my way" you text me.
I sit here, awaiting for you to come home.
I want to cuddle, I want to talk.
I want to laugh with you, and joke around.

Then, the hours pass and I am still alone.
I ask you again, "where are you?"
this time there is no answer.
I am still alone.

It's not that I'm interested in who is calling you,
but when your phone rings, and you cover it.
So I don't see the call display,
I am gonna think.
I have been here before.

When is the last time you rushed home to me?
When you thought we were gonna be separated,
did you make extra time for me?
I am not stupid, but I am insecure,
and for good reasons.

How do you think you would feel?

Time, after time being told, "I am minutes away"
and then you wake up hours later, alone.
You fall asleep alone,
You wake up alone.
Wanting someone to want to make time for you.

They just tell you, that you are silly.
For thinking and feeling what you feel.
Your pain that is in your heart, just gets blown off.

I realize I am not fun anymore,
I realize I have anything you want to listen to.
I realize that I am not as hot as I used to be,
you dont want to have me on your arm.
I realize I am not what I used to be at all.

I cry all the time, and I sit alone.
I sit here, with all my insecurities.
No one who makes me a priority or who just wants me around.
I get worse, and worse and worse.

Every night I just wish that you would treat me like you used to.
Cause then maybe,
I could become a little of who I used to be.

Instead, I am here hidden.
Waiting endless, lonely, painful hours for you.
Continue reading...
667 · Jun 2010
Still With Me
Ingrid Ohls Jun 2010
Still With Me
The confusion in my mind dissipates

And finally, my life seems to make sense.

The wrong decisions are not made in vain,

I can now see the beauty that this world has to offer me.

The love in my life over ruling the hatred of others,

Calms my soul and allows me to smile.

I love to smile and did not know how much I missed it.

But still I miss you, I hold you so dear in my heart.

I miss your smile and your voice.

I miss the sweetness that radiated out of your heart.

I miss you every minute of every day.

I visit you,

I cry at your grave,

I can feel your hand guiding me through this,

And that is why I smile...

You are still with me,

You will always be with me.

But I wish I could hug you and laugh with you still.

Now, you are the most amazing angel smiling down.

You are my angel.

I will never forget or stop loving you.
For my Grandma,
Continue reading...
660 · May 2013
Please let this not be
Ingrid Ohls May 2013
Please let this not be
My old friend,
My one that got away.
My number one fan.
My one thing certain.
Why?
Why did you do it?
Steal this from me,
I want to scream to whereever you are.
All of the things I should have.
Ive never felt so guilty,
If I had more time,
I wanted time with you.
I wanted a hug, to hear your voice.
It's gone now.
We had this amazing bond.
You loved me unconditionally I know.
Why, why didn't I show you it back enough.
I am so scared to never have you in my life again.
I am awake hoping you know.
I haven't slept in days.
Every song reminds me of you
And I break down.
You didnt have to do it you know.
I wish you would have showed up at my door.
I beg to let this be a nightmare.
Please, please have your face shaking me awake.
Please let me see your grin and hear your voice.
Please fill this emptiness I have had since they told me.
Please.
You couldn't have ended your life.
You couldn't have stolen your amazing self from the world.
I knew you as one of my first loves,
I knew you as a best friend.
I knew you as a passionate secret.
I loved it all.
Continue reading...
631 · Jan 2017
Here's to hoping....
Ingrid Ohls Jan 2017
Here's to hoping....
I'm not gonna let you know how much I miss you.
I am definitely not going to show you how hurt I am.
How much I just wish we were laying there together.
Or that I could be looking into your haunting eyes.

I'm not anywhere near you though.  
I'm here, you're there... With her.
You talk with me, I feel pathetic for talking to you still.
Yet, here I sit every day for over a week talking away.

I don't get why I just can let you treat me like this
From the first time I saw you, you had my attention.
I was drawn to you, you easily draw me in with the slightest glance.
You're like my personal quicksand, the more I try fight it the worse it is.

In a mere instant it felt like to me, you wanted me,
Then someone else.
That shook me.
So quickly and without warning we went from falling for one another
Where your lips constantly were on mine,
Then you,  were just gone.
You were with her.
I guess I just didn't see it coming and I still don't understand.

You say it has nothing to do with me
That what you felt, and what you said was not a lie.
None of it was planned.
Your explanation is a simple "I don't know I'm just ******."

You worth mote than that to me, you were more than just a ****** up individual who walked away from me.
My very common mistake, a lesson I never seem to learn.
People don't value me as much as I value them.
I sit here feeling like shift,
Hoping you would incessantly call me again.

Because besides me taking this pen to this paper,
Sitting here pouring my heart onto the page
I don't have much else to do.
Even less that makes me smile.
Not much can make me smile like just your presence does.

It was good while it lasted
I wish you could have been as happy as you made me.
I will be over you, I know this it isn't my first time catching feelings.
I know how it goes, all this will all be out of my mind shortly.
Someone new will come along and maybe this one will want me the i wanted you to

Maybe he will miss me as much as I miss you.
Maybe I will get as lost in his eyes as I do in yours.
Maybe just seeing him will make me feel like I am thirteen again
Just like everytime I saw you.

Until then I'm just gonna sit here, hurting
Hoping you change your mind
Asking fate to smack you upside the head
Hoping you could find everything you want and need in me.

A girl can hope can't she?
Even i know it will never happen.
For this moment I feel a little better.
Continue reading...
631 · Jan 2014
Maybe..
Ingrid Ohls Jan 2014
Maybe..
Maybe I should just write a book.
A tragic love tale, like Romeo and Juliet.
Our story is a little different though.
Where we send each other to our graves,
throwing punches, screaming I love you.
With tears in our eyes,
Betraying our trust, killing our faith.
And with every incident taking a little more of us away.

Maybe we should start a new book.
Throw this one away, a drama would be fine,
As long as at the end of the day,
We had each other,
Instead of begging for the pain to end.
Could we maybe do that?
Do you think?

Maybe if only a miracle would happen then one day,
we could be happy, not end up the worst thing for each other?
And the only thing I need?
Maybe you could take the time to help me heal?
To be the one to hold me close when Im screaming?

I think I would like that story line better.
But I will write our story.
I just wish for a happy ending either way.
Continue reading...
629 · Jun 2010
Me... In the Ink
Ingrid Ohls Jun 2010
Me... In the Ink
To some, this is writing on a page.

To other's it is a form of art.

To me, a look into my soul.

Where I pick up a pen and words flow through my heart.

On to paper.

This ability of mine,

Or, in some eyes lack of,

Helps me be me.

Cleansing of my soul.

After I write,

I am calm.

Rejuvenated.

Able to face more problems,

And identify solutions.

No one told me to do this.

This is something I did myself.

The words found me,

Come in and healed me.

Once again, I set them free.

Someone might read my words and see my talent.

Some may say I am not talented.

To either of these people,

I say "I do not care"

My word formations,

I made them for me.

I made them so I could help myself,

So I could carry on with a brave face,

If you open your mind and read my words,

Open your eye's you are looking into my soul.

If the words help in a time of need.

I smile at myself.

If not I will still do the same.

When I write,

I can mould a language.

I am in control of it all.

So when life spins horribly out of control.

When the words just wont leave my mouth.

I run to my hiding place and immerse myself,

In ink.
copyright Ingrid Ohls 2010
Continue reading...
617 · Oct 2012
Never once
Ingrid Ohls Oct 2012
Never once
Here I am, older not wiser
Stuck in the same nothingness.
You're not here, you carry on.
You, who doesn't want my life,
Yet just holds me captive in limbo.

Me, upset, lost, confused, alone.
You, unwilling, carefree, unencumbered.
The tears don't change your behaviour,
The talks are a waste of breath.

My head is spinning like a tornado.
While you put your time elsewhere.
The hurt, the heartbreak, the lies you tell
Leave no effect, no remorse from you.

The clock ticked, you watch the time slip by.
While I held the house on my shoulders.
While I broke, I slipped away.
I hid and cried, my mind has given out.

Never once did you dry my tears.
Continue reading...
611 · Sep 2015
Monsters
Ingrid Ohls Sep 2015
Monsters
They do not hide in the shadows,
They do not just seek out the innocence of children.
They do not just disappear as daytime arrives,
They do not just exist in a child’s imagination.

They walk amongst us
they will fool even the most intelligent.
They will change you forever
destroying you.

I am living proof that monsters are real.

I fell in love with someone with fair hair,
blue eyes like mine.

He came from a good home,
had lifetime long friends.
He had a heart that was so black, I am crippled now
Forever weakened from the past.
From him.

He fooled me.
I believed in him.
I loved him, and I hid the pain he caused me for years.
I protected him.

I let my innocence go and watched my life crumble.
I watched and I cried and I fought,
as he destroyed all my hopes and dreams,
all my beliefs in the world.
Everything I had ever wanted for my children.

I hid broken bones,
made myself seem clumsy and stupid.
All to ensure no one thought badly of him.

I had black eyes,
and broken hearts,
I had years and years of nights I spent sobbing and begging for him to be there for me.
To love me.

I had everything,
and he destroyed it all.
I always believed his lies.

He is a monster.
He is the reason I am a shell of who I once was.

I am broken,
no where near the person I once was.
I am looked down on now.
I have lost everything.
And he continues to haunt my daily life.

I finally left him,.
I finally chose to save myself.
He chose to call and lie,
have my children taken from me.

All because he says,
if he cant have them or me.
Then I wont have them.

He lied
and lied again.
He plays the victim,
and I am looked at like I am an evil villain

I am the one who protected and played that he was an angel so well.
That no one believes his true identity

Monsters,
They do exist,
Their clothes sit beside yours in your closet, they do not hide there.
You cuddle them in the bed,
They do not have to hide under it.

Monsters,
They slowly take what you are and destroy it.
They steal your light
They hide your smile
They take your spark from your eyes
and you lose it forever

They take a good heart,
and ******* it
They disable you
They leave you a shell of the amazing person you once were

I am whats left of a monsters attack.
I am what’s left of a bright and colourful soul

I am the girl who had the smile that brightened a room.
I am the girl who had the heart of gold
I am the smart girl.
I am the caring girl.
I am the one who loved a monster.

And lost everything good about myself.

I am here half alive,
nothing of what I once was.
To show you
just what monsters are capable of
.
I am here to warn the good hearted
girls,
who have an innocence inside of them,
to watch out,
to be careful.

I was once you,
They seek us out.
They will never quit.

They will ruin you,
like my monster did to me.

If you still shine brightly,
Watch out for their darkness.

They hide it well
Continue reading...
609 · Jun 2017
This Boy Named Tyler
Ingrid Ohls Jun 2017
This Boy Named Tyler
There is boy that is stealing my heart.
More and more everytime I hear his voice,
I turn into a teenage girl.
This boy has eyes that stop my heart.
And his face is one of the nicest I have ever seen.
This boy makes me laugh, and smile
He makes me smile even after he leaves.

But this boy that makes my heart melt,
and makes my mind wander in fairy tales.
Hopeful possibilities that end with him and me.
This boy could be the prince of my story.
But maybe I am so ****** scared of any love story.
I am terrified of any possibility of any idea with him in it.
Cause this boy is much more broken than I am.
He lives in a much darker place than even I am used to.

He knows rejection, failure, heartache,
and he knows what it feels like to never be good enough.
He knows what it is like to be a disappointment.
We are no different him and I.
We have both given up almost entirely.
We are damaged, a million little pieces clinging onto
Memories, waiting for a life that is gone.
To maybe come along again.

He scares me, cause I care about him.
He scares me cause I can see he is just as fragile as me.
He scares me, cause he can leave me.
And he will leave with my heart.
Continue reading...
607 · Jan 2017
Playing it cool
Ingrid Ohls Jan 2017
Playing it cool
Here I am, trying to play it cool.
Fooling no one, especially not you.
I can't pretend I don't like everything about you right now.
But I also can't pretend I am not scared as hell to show you who I am.
Your eyes are amazingly haunting,
And your smile shows a good nature.

But I also will never feel good enough,
Ill never feel as if I am the one who is wanted by anyone.
I like you, but that scares me so much right now.
Cause I fear that my issues will end us before we begin.
Continue reading...
572 · Mar 2011
Worst Part of me
Ingrid Ohls Mar 2011
Worst Part of me
So, if I said to you just leave...
You won't.
I say you are ruining me,
You're not.
I would have to disagree,

Slowly, over the years I have become stronger.
Still too weak to give up.
Too proud to say that I, myself had failed.
It's not me at all.
I survived, I conquered.
You failed your battles.
I suffer.

I have fought, and fought,
battled my own demons and won.
Stared my fears in the face,
and shot them down.
Yet, here you stand,
You weak, weak man.
Not even admitting,
that you cannot.

You lie,
to the honest.
You break,
all that's good.
You take,
my happiness'
You rip
me open.
You,
are the worst part of me.
Continue reading...
560 · Sep 2017
One Day Soon...
Ingrid Ohls Sep 2017
One Day Soon...
I guess one of these days I am going to thank you.
I am not gonna hurt as much as I do right now,
Not gonna want to just give up on people completely.
I won’t sit hear and wish you were here,
I won’t feel so alone without you here.
One day, I am not going to worry about you dying.
Or laying somewhere hurt, losing control.
One of these days, I may not even think about you at all.
There will come a time when the pain won’t be so fresh.
Although I feel that I am never gonna feel secure.
It is not just you and it is not just your fault.
That I feel so repulsive, undesirable only a mere annoyance.
Because for once I just wanted to be beautiful enough,
Smart enough, fun enough.
For once I just wanted to be enough.
If only the damage done before you didn’t destroy me.
Didn’t just leave me here too broken for anyone to handle.  
For now I just don’t think I will ever be good enough,
sane enough, desirable enough, attractive enough, clean enough.
For now I assume I will never be happy enough.
It is funny how only a day or two ago,
we sat in a room with friends.
They said countless times how they wish they had a girlfriend like me.
Isn’t it funny, that you have me and I am the absolute last thing you want.

One day soon I am gonna start moving on,
Someone else will make me smile.
Someone else will make me giggle when they aren’t there,
Just like you did.
One day soon maybe I will understand
Why you hit on every one of my friends in a room,
Why you flirt with every girl you see.
Except for me of course,
I am hoping that after you are gone,
So will the way you can make me feel invisible
In a room, watching you try to be with anyone but me.
Maybe one day I will be able to feel like I am the only one.
The only one that someone wants,
The way I had started to feel about you.
Maybe one day I am gonna be the first thing that you see when in a room.
Maybe one day you will want me back,
You will regret what you said,
Or you will regret what you did.
Or what you didn’t do .

In time, I will move on and I will wish you away.
As hard as I wish you were here trying for me now.

One day I will be okay, or I won’t be
One day you will be okay, or you won’t be.
Maybe tomorrow you will sober up and you will apologize.
You will come here and you will actually try.
maybe I am just holding onto a pipedream,
but don’t worry though I am letting you go.
And the only thing that would change the ending where we part ways is you.
I know that this is far fetched and I am in a fairy tale land.
Right now though, just to not have my self esteem crumble
and to not have my heart break, and to not wish myself into someone else.
I will hold on the to the fairy tale.
And I will hold onto the knowledge that one day,
you will just be a memory.
ss
Continue reading...
559 · May 2014
To Whom It may concern, I am broken
Ingrid Ohls May 2014
To Whom It may concern, I am broken
I can’t breathe,
My chest feels like it is caving in  and I just can’t push any further.
I can’t think of anything else.
My stomach turns quicker than anything I have ever known.
My eyes, sting from the tears, which just keep flowing,
Endlessly.
Unforgivingly.

I want to run to him,
I want to run so far away from him.
Never ever stopping until I forgiven for all my faults.
And my mind gives me grace and forgets his memory.
I want crawl into a ball on the floor,
Sobbing, never to stop.

I want to scream, and my body wants to explode.
It is completely unable of holding this pain inside.
I want to be beautiful enough,
I want to be strong enough.
I want to have the perfect ***.
I want the body he wants to touch.
I want the mind he wants, instead of this one.
So damaged from all the hurt.
That it never seems to cease.
I want his love.
I want his support.

I want him to fight for me like I did for him for years.
I want to be worth something,
Instead of being this piece of ****** garbage.
I want to wake up and be in his arms.

I want to never wake up again.
The mornings for the rest of my life are going to be a rude awakening.
To know, I had it all.
I had my dream,
And its gone.
To know the arms I sob for,
Are holding someone else,
The voice I want to hear, that can’t stand the sound of mine.
Whisper the words I love you to someone else.

But it can’t be that I was nothing…
How is it that just a few days ago, I had him inside of me.
I had him hold me and kiss me.
Consuming all of my senses, complete passion and love.
I had him lay beside me,
I whispered in his ear that I loved him.
Did he say it back?
He couldn’t have meant it.

I fought for years for him,
I watched him stop believing in himself and his worth and I told him he was priceless.
I hugged him when he cried, I yelled when he didn’t see his worth.
I fought when he was losing himself.

I am alone,
I am too hurt to think.
I am terrified and am too ******* in love to think I will ever be okay again.
I am nothing to my everything.
I am a piece of ******* garbage,
I am useless and worthless to my world.
My dream come true,
I wish I never had it,
I wish I didn’t know what I lost.
I wish I didn’t know it was me, who wasn’t enough to have my dream come true.
I wish he loved me as much I loved him.
I wish my pain was the reason he fought harder for me.
I wish he could see he was the one who could fix it.
If only he had.

If only he had loved me enough to let everything lesser go,
Instead of keeping it close by for when my pain was too much for him to be near.
If only he had loved me enough to see I needed him to be strong for me.
If only he had wanted to help me stand.

To know that someone so special to has someone else they would rather be near,
Is not even heartbreaking.
Heartbreaking does not describe how I feel.

I can’t think.
I can’t breathe.
Every step feels like a thousand going up the side of a mountain.
The thought of faking a smile makes me want to jump off a cliff.
The sound of music is like knives inside my head.
The emptiness in my body consuming me,
Slowly but efficiently taking the little jagged pieces of who I was and destroying them.

I will never feel loved again,
I will never know what it is like to be complete again.
I fought, and I tried
I fought for me to be enough.
I fought for him to notice who I was
I fought for our life and how it was.
I was left beaten and bleeding,
I was left alone,
I was left to be forgotten, and laughed at.
To be made a mocker, a nut case,
A woman who gave her everything to a man.
A woman so lowly and pathetic and utterly unlovable.
That when he stands before her,
With his eyes showing his disgust,
He says to me,
Look at you, what is wrong with you?
I say you did it, and he walks away.
He doesn’t want me, he doesn’t care if he loses me forever.
He doesn’t want me.
I am nothing
He doesn’t love me, and he never did

All the years were a lie, all the tears I have cried were for nothing.
The consuming pain that makes it unable for me function,
Just makes me that much more pathetic.

He loves someone so wrong,
But at least its better than the waste of a life I am.

You, with her,
Me with the kids, who lost us both.
I am no mother now, I am nothing
I am not who I was
I gave it all away to try for him

How do I keep going in a world,
Where he hates me and I lost it all.
I just wanted love.
Continue reading...
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