i waited for a savior
but all i saw was him

i waited for my soul
but he was standing there instead

i waited for the pain to fade
but he was there arms open for me

i waited for time to rewind
but he dragged me forward

i waited for all the blood to ruin me
but he was there again yelling out for me

i waited for the depression to drain me
but he was there to comfort me

i waited for so long for time to rewrite its self to heal me to fix me i wanted something else every time no matter how selfish that might sound how cruel that is to say but back then i didn't see that i didn't need some god to save me all i needed was him and he knew it i just couldn't see that everything i needed was right their in front of me

i sought my soul
but my soul i could not see
i sought my god
but my god excluded me
i sought my brother
and i found all three
he has always been here waiting
with open arms just for me
he is my big brother dean
and i thank him for always protecting me

~ Sam Winchester

sorrow found me when i was young it stood over me in my crib, as the fire burned , as dad shouted and dean carried me out of that house, as i cried for dean when dad left us alone, as i begged dean for lucky charms instead of beans

sorrow waited for me as i grew up he watched over me like a guardian angel little did i know that the shred of doubt i had in my mind was only going to grow as he watched me carve my name with dean in the impala, as i watched dean die over and over, through every demon i killed , every monster i slaughtered , every mistake i made and every slip up

then sorrow won he took me at last using Lucifer as a distraction as he wiggled into my brain and fed on all my thoughts until i was nothing no that's not true i was something, i was ruined, i was empty ,i was nothing but sorrow and despair and the worst part of that is i knew it was there all along shadowing me hunting me like i do monsters waiting for me to give up fighting against it

sam winchester

a chubby-cheeked,
golden-haired,
freckled-faced,
green-eyed
little boy
who didn't know how good he had it

a golden-haired,
freckled-faced,
green-eyed
little boy
who had to grow up too fast

a freckled-faced,
green-eyed
little boy
who thought he was invincible

a green-eyed
little boy
who was never quite good enough

a black-eyed
demon
who used to be the great dean Winchester

a brown-haired
moose-like
glazed-eyed
broken boy
who just wants his brother back  

a raven-haired
broken-winged
blued-eyed
angel
who just wants their pain to stop

deans

cas … i don’t know any fancy language to say this is in and we all know i didn’t prepare for this so here goes cas you saved me multiple times you’ve had my back through everything I’ve done and every plan I’ve had even the stupid reckless ones and well we know that’s the only ones i have you hugged me and held my hand when i need support when i needed someone to be there you were always there you healed me every time i got hurt even if it was just a scratch and trust me most of the time it was only a scratch you fought for me and with me against everything we’ve faced including myself and you protected me even when i thought i didn’t deserve it but castiel i fell in love before all these things happened it was the day i first met you you looked into my eyes with those supernaturally blue eyes and i was yours… and that was very chick flick but you cas i want to be chick flick with you for the rest of my life i love you more than pie more than beer i love you castiel my angel

castiels

wherever you go i will follow you hell,heaven,purgatory till death do us not part i will follow you through the veil
you are my righteous man and i’m your angel
i will be with you through your darkest times till the nightmares disappear and the dreams finally begin
i gripped you tight and i will forever be there to fight for you and with you until all the angels fall and chuck returns even then my Winchester i will be by your side you are the non nonnegotiable part of my life i love you forever

a wilted rose
two dried ponds
a noble peacemaker
a lost captain
a unspoken song
a single soldier Jones
two smiths of no relation
a single Oswald the mysterious nanny
i suppose in someway they break my heart even with two hearts i can't bear to say " i have to leave you " as the pain wont stop if i stand still so i move forward never stopping hoping i can save people too make up for the ones I've lost