a chubby-cheeked,
golden-haired,
freckled-faced,
green-eyed
little boy
who didn't know how good he had it

a golden-haired,
freckled-faced,
green-eyed
little boy
who had to grow up too fast

a freckled-faced,
green-eyed
little boy
who thought he was invincible

a green-eyed
little boy
who was never quite good enough

a black-eyed
demon
who used to be the great dean Winchester

a brown-haired
moose-like
glazed-eyed
broken boy
who just wants his brother back  

a raven-haired
broken-winged
blued-eyed
angel
who just wants their pain to stop

its funny how some see you as a simple flame and some see you as a fire but i never saw you as fire or just some simple flame
just light,
warmth,
a safe harbor,
like cozy blankets in winter
and movies indoors when it rains,
or getting milk when were empty and you don't want to get out of bed

some say that worshiping someone is that you adore them,you openly talk about them all the time,almost like an obsession and utter devotion to the person
but i don't believe its so obvious
its more like a flicker of your eyes
darting back and forth when their not looking
its more shy smiles when bringing you coffee in the morning when they know your still half asleep
its those moments when you realize worshiping someone isn't always dead simple its full of little debates with yourself and acts of kindness just because it feels right and a little part of you wants them to catch on to your little game
wither you know you like them or not
so i guess you could say i worship you
but not in the most easily perceived way
its the little gestures i do that i wished you would notice.

if i followed that path of destruction would the dark swallow me whole or would your light be enough to guide the way past all the war of reality.

i kept my coat in her room and my pop tarts in her cupboard
i left my shoes by her bedroom door
and our favorite book was on her floor
the movies we had watched were on the bed
and the music we danced to last night at like quarter past ten
my hairbrush lived inside that mirrored room
and we were in love were we really that doomed?
i took a deep breath and walked into the kitchen
her smile was superb did i mention ?
i couldn't catch my breath as i stared at her just leaning so casually there
"hey whats up bear ? "
i smiled nervously and scuffed my socks against the wood
i bent down on one knee and looked up her eyes were sparkling with tears
i took out the ring that was placed my pocket
" i want to hold you for the rest of my years"
"will you marry me ?" the words shook from my mouth
she pulled me up and started crying
"yes"

' for what it's worth i would give anything not to have to do this '
that what he spoke to me his eyes shining in that moonlight
he folded the coat and handed it to me
my coat
he kept it after all this time
it smelled like him like cinnamon,vanilla,leather,gas,beer and gun powder everything that was now going to fade away as he did
i saw it
that little flash of regret set in his face hesitation
almost
i saw the deep sadness in his eyes as he slowly blinked that mesmerizing beauty that shone through his broken mask he wore everyday trying to keep everyone away
but me
i never listened
oh no i never do
i didn't stay away i couldn't bear it he was never broken in my eyes he was him he was my rope that i gripped onto tight but now my  hands are so ****** and sore but was worth it every second
but he turned around in his biker boots and walked to his car his back was slouching and he was quivering slightly
'turn around please that's all i need' i whispered he drove away i stood there watching him drive away leaving all our memories for me to deal with
his car stopped and turned around leaving dust behind him  he jumps out and swung the door open
' get in angel'

how is it you wanted to become so invisible
little miss popular with her flashy car and makeup
you wanted it
you wanted to get away
you hid
you were comforted
and praised

i just wanted to be noticed
by anyone in this sea of people
i needed it
i was deprived from it
i jumped
i was noticed

I don't really know what love even is and maybe I never will
All I know is that there are some smiles you never get tired of seeing
and some hands you never want to let go of
and some absences that hurt too much to ignore
but you walked away and that hurt but i knew it would happen in the end
but i cant chase after you i wouldn't dare so until you see what i was with you goodbye
'my friend'