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I will love for life
But refuse to live for love.
The idea of needing someone
This thought is trife.
The idea of dying alone
It's far from in love.
Confusion of my worth
Do I deserve a family, a wife?
I said it once and I'll say it again
This notion is trife.
Clarity will confront you
Just stop staring at the lights.
No structure is the best kind of structure
sometimes
                                                       ­                         my
                                     ­ brain
                       doesn’t
                                                       ­     work

right
                                                ­                               and

                             my

                                              thoughts

     ­                                         scatter

               ­                                                    like
                               beads

                                     spilled
                               on
                                                              ­                 tile

floor
"I can see my door, my bed, my window, my chair, and my table.

"I can feel my spine against the wall, my feet against the floor, my jaw tightly shut, and my fingernails buried in my arms.

"I can hear the wind coming in from the open window, my heartbeat rapidly thumping, and that familiar voice in my head, shouting once again.

"I can smell the dampness of the ground outside as the breeze carries it to my room, and the sickly sweet odor from the soap used on my hands.

"I can ******* blood spilling from the bite in my lip; my last harsh reminder that
        I
        am      
        still
        alive.
When you call a suicide prevention hotline, they will often ask you to describe to them 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste to help ease anxiety. I hope this poem helps someone struggling to look forward, because believe me, it does get better.
 Jan 2018 Dylan Mcconnell
Catrina
It’s times like these when you should be next to me.  Times like these when you should have been here.
You used to be so close, now, many miles away.  Leaving me with what was once passion, and is now nothing but aches and pains.
Only your touch, could ever truly take this pain away, even if as soon as you left, the pain returned.
Not a day passes that I don’t think of you, or miss you.  You held me together during some of my worst times, and you didn’t run from what you saw.
You simply held me closer.
Everything I do, reminds me of you.  Oh how I long to be held in you familiar, comforting, safe arms.
I need you so I am not falling apart.  But you had to leave, leave me behind.
And now it’s so dark.  The darkness is swallowing me, and has been for a while.
 Jan 2018 Dylan Mcconnell
mel
i am not one for making bets
but i bet your heart skipped too
when my soul recognized you
 Jan 2018 Dylan Mcconnell
Cné
so many questions
i don’t want the answer to
a black plague of thoughts
2am
 Jan 2018 Dylan Mcconnell
honeyed
Light me up
Set me on fire
I'll let your lips burn my delicate skin
Whatever this is, it'll destroy me
I'll be reduced to the ashes I was forged from
But, I'll be smiling the whole time because
This is exactly what I wanted

Light me up
Set me on fire
Grab my hand, lets skip class
Lets make out under the bleachers
And make me forget you have a girlfriend.
here i go again.
 Jan 2018 Dylan Mcconnell
honeyed
Boy with the sad smile
Why do you lead me so?
We bounce back and fourth between a state of love and a state of care,
and between ignorance and spite
Though, I am no better
I have yet to tell you my heart belongs to another
mmm heres an old one about a different boy from the last poem
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