i did it.
i finally let the thoughts take over.
im sick.

i dont want to admit this
every time it gets late my thoughts come back
its a comfort thing
but then it becomes a bad thing
i swallow
and i swallow
and then i cry
and i cry
i try not to consume
but it gets late and i feel lost
and i don't want to talk about it
i always feel so empty
i try to fill the space
but its getting to the point
where i want to empty it
i want nothing

i feel weak
everyday another piece of me folds in
slowly
im becoming the thing you never wanted to see
im becoming to reach the point you hoped i would never

im the piece of paper in the bottom of your bag
the one you needed
you lost it and spent ages looking for it
but by the time you found it
it was torn to shreds
it was no longer useful
and you groaned and complained
but then you got another
and you were thankful that there were others
to replace the one you forgot about
until it was too late

but i couldn't forget
i laid there in pieces wondering what happened
you cared
but you realized it got bad
and then you realized it was too late
and you moved onto the next person to care about
until it was too late for them too.

i cannot
keep going on
please forgive me.

they say it got bad now
they say i need to be careful
they say to watch out

you say you will hold me when things get bad
you say you would never want to be that way
you say you love me

he said that i was too broke to love
he said i was too far gone
he said he loved me

i asked you to stay
i asked you to not hurt me
i asked you if you love me

and the two of you said: always, never, of course

i said a lot of things
but im realizing now that they were never out loud
you never heard my cries
i kept them bouncing around in my mouth
too scared to speak

youre scaring me so bad.