Who stole my thunder,
Who christened the ground with their footprints where mine should have been?

The holy heat of my words spreading up your spine, kissing your fingertips with friction...making the hair on your arms rise.
I could make you say amen but the sound of your rain is prayer enough.

Blessed is the air that graces your skin between touching and going...the light that you bring and leave with

You never stay but God the intensity is shocking

It could
Only be this type
I believe in only
Falling in too deep.

I let myself
Slip away
Softly
Gracefully
Eternally

I think the words
Rest in peace
Should be said
To the living,  
Not the dead.

and she
cried
and cried
and cried and cried
until her eyes
rolled
back.

i understand, we are a dead end. we reached our final destination as strangers with complicated memories and there’s no turning around. there’s no way to walk backwards into the past or reverse time, but that doesn’t change the path we took. there are still all those memories behind us. every choice we made was another chapter in our story and those don’t disappear, so even though it is pointless would you stand at our end and admire them with me. although the film is over, stay and watch the credits. replay the good in your head like we were a fairytale and appreciate the bad for the lessons it brought. keep our story on the bookshelf of your memory but promise me you’ll pick it up and flip to your favorite pages at least once more. i understand, every good thing has it’s end, but please, for the sake of my sanity, let me know it was worth it. let me know you wouldn’t change our path even if you knew what was at the end. let me know i was worth it because love, you were worth everything.

s.s

she almost looked
prosthetic
if i never spoke to her
if i never felt
her
if i never spoke to
her.

she seemed programmed.
She laughed and smiled and nodded
and laughed some more
little did anyone know
it pained her everytime.

She was present
but not present.
very outgoing
when she knew
eyes were on her.

behind closed doors,
she was the most creative mind
only limited by
her fear of judgement.
she kept her abilities and talents hidden
under her pillow
in the journal she got from her father
on her sixth birthday
right before the
big fight.

dangerous
poisonous
thoughts started bubbling slowly within her
like a virus
viciously spreading
while she tried to fight it back
but it just
overwhelmed her
like a drug flowing within her
like a small yet potent dose
working its magic,
doing great things to her.

she started to want to
be wanted.
though no one said
anything
except the usual.
she didnt want to fall into the scene-
disguised by
popular kids and bullies
mixed in together.

She wanted to be noticed.
But she never let anyone
have the opportunity to notice her.
She started dressing different.
she started acting different.
started
talking
different
Eventually, she left everyone.
Heck, she didnt
have to be afraid
anymore.

cant bother a girl thats gone

the small dosage
surely
did great things..

I miss you
Like, a lot
But I felt like at times I was in the way
Of you doing better things
Bigger things
I didn't want to mess up
Something that was so good
A friendship that was only good
Because I mess things up
Like, a lot
So I gave you some space
For you to do what you wanted
How you wanted
But now I'm wondering if I messed up
Like, a lot
Because I miss you

it wasn’t on purpose.

you were sitting there on the hill
so peacefully.
the gentle breeze convincing me that i
needed to accompany you.
you were examining the small stack of papers that
you saved from your therapy sessions.
i walked over and you heard my steps, tried to be subtle but eh.
you had your nilla cookies and a snapple..
it was simple..
you eventually got a brownie and another snapple for us to share.

if you take a bite out of this brownie, we can consider this a date

and with no words
you took a bite.

We were kissing each other’s memories as if they were scars
This is brutal
Just one big tangle of broken down cars and late nights and hating your guts

You’re holding my hands
This was all some strange dance of muscles that I’ve never seen before but could somehow execute flawlessly
You were staring straight into my eyes and I still missed you
Not like you were running too fast,
But I ached like you fell into ashes without even a fire for me to grieve

When we kissed, I went home and cried

So this hurts
This hurts like loving a child you can’t have
Or watching your garden die
Or ripping out an IV when you’re having a nightmare
I needed that IV

This time, when your heart aches
When you’re kissing me but you’re not in love
When you leave for work in the morning without saying good bye...
I’m sorry, I can’t do this

You were not something broken for me to piece back together
And I was not something fragile for you to break

When I was in love, it killed me
And now that I’m not, all I do is sit here,
Tearing my ribcage open
When I was dying, I saw angels

I was bleeding
I can barely remember, but it usually goes something like this
You were a little too late,
And just not sorry enough
So I let go of the arm of the sofa
I woke up in your bed
The only scars on my arm were lipstick stains