11:11PM
wishes
sent to the heavens
like love letters.
"bitter," she said.
i never really
knew what she meant
but
i was too afraid
to tell her
that whenever i close my eyes
to pray,
or to hope for today,
she replaces
every last piece of you.
and yes, she'll eventually be
my heartbreak,
too.
i don't mind that.
i don't mind that at all.

"Did it help you, babe? The silent treatment, I mean."

"I'm not sick, babe. I don't need you to treat me that way."

"I have to."

"No. You just want to. Don't worry, I'm not taking you back."

"Thank you."

"Thank yourself. I'm only doing this 'cause I loved you."

"Until now?"

"Babe, I think this is the part where I reciprocate the silent treatment. Also, I said it in past tense."

"I don't believe you."
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"I know."

10:29PM
nothing better to do,
that's why i did it.
drugs never caught me
do the police, darling.
i started
to sweat,
you started
to swear.
you felt terribly real
inside my mind for a second there.
she said,
"honey, will you fix my hair?"
i said, "not anymore, baby. no."
lie.
obviously.
not you.
me.

10:07PM
i'm tired of seeing
your pictures at the beach
with that guy.
i know you're ******* him,
but we used to have moments.

i wish i took a chance on you.

5:14PM
i hate how
she reminds me of
warm embraces
and forehead kisses
on this lazy
afternoon
when all she ever did
was to leave.

6:07PM
i stared at the wall
for an hour or two.
i sniffed one more line
and forgot about you.
i'll sniff a little bit more
just to be sure.
i'll be back.

I've got a lot in my head.
a lot of you, maybe.
i'm trying hard
not to fall too hard for you.
we've been this way before.
oh, i'm sure you know--
your eyes need validation.
this desolation that I get
from looking at you
looking at someone else
is terribly inconsistent.
you said, "i'd love for us to spend a night together."
oh, darling, if only you knew.

You're on your way home
and i've always wanted
to take you.
I know I'm not
your type of guy
but this is my type of disaster
so, i hope you kind of want to take me, too.
take me to hell, maybe
'cause that line sounds preposterous
and pretentious
at the exact same time--
but not really.
it all comes down to, "do you believe in it?"
and i believe in you,
and in love,
and in coincidence
and in the idea of chasing you
'cause that's all i can ever hope for.
you're all i can ever hope for.

I've got a lot in my head.
a lot of you, maybe.
honestly, i have fallen.
yes, too hard, for you.
and love found me too soon.
i hope it didn't yet
'cause right now
i'm half fixed, half broken
and always out of tune.
like the moon, you'll always find
your way back
and that scares me
'cause i'm not the one you'll go back to.
i'm not even the one
you took a chance with.
i'm not anyone.

I'm on my ****** way home.
and i begin to daydream
on how we'll spend that night together
if it ever comes in touch with reality.
and if it will ever make a difference,
i'll just put this out here
so you'll know:
i love you.
that's right, darling,
i'm starting to.