I know that we all feel pain
And heartbreak
But that's no reason to tear ourselves apart
For falling prey to abusive relationships
We only stay because
We truly believe that they will change
And even we realize they won't
We hope they will
We feel (we know) they still love us
But that's no excuse to stay
And drown ourselves in
"Why?"
"What did I do wrong??"
Because we have done nothing
But existed as human beings
Loving fearlessly

You will no longer have my
Undying, unyielding, unapologetic
Love as soon as I permanently halt
Breathing in oxygen and exhaling
Carbon dioxide because darling
I am female and cheap whiskey and
Superfluous *** will not heal my
Broken heart that you
Are the only Band-Aid to but I
Understand you don't know how unfair
It is to be forced into pretending a
Love was never there
But I promise
As soon as Antarctica has a month long
Heat wave of over 90 degrees Fahrenheit
I will stop loving you
You don't have to worry about apologizing
Because sweetheart
I forgave you for all the pain you
Caused me the first time you said
"Hi"

For the beautiful yet broken soul
I am here to inform you
That though you feel it, you are not alone
I understand my words bring little
To no comfort or solace

For the shattered hear void of hope
I need you to know
My heart was the same
But I relinquished my fear of love
And was overwhelmed by infinite dreams

For the child in us all
I want to explain
That the fear you harbor
Is an unhealthy addiction
Flee from the hatred and hold your head high

Dear, for the other you that you hide
I beg you to take
My hand and fly away to the sun
Steal back your aspirations and lay down the gun
For you'll always have my hand to hold
Even when we are weary and old

There's nothing I can do about it
No lessons how to fix it
This monster with razor teeth
And bladed tongue
Whispers
Nothing sweet
As a functioning person in society
Abled or not
No one wants to here the venom
Spurred from its mouth
Wretched webbed lies
That stick like glue
And make me want to scream
I'm terrified because I can't
Do ******* anything
It scares me to know that the worst
Part of it all is that
The monster under my bed
Is none other than
Me

Little boys and little girls
Grow in to bigger boys and bigger girls
They get thrown into a never ending
Cage match
Fighting against peer pressure
Status quos
False idols
Impossible images
And it doesn't matter how old they get
Once they've been bit
The depression bug lives
A parasitic relationship
She's feeling down on her luck
Sees the case of her father's guns
And thinks to herself
I can end it all here,
I can stop all this pain
He's feeling invincible at 160
Miles per hour
He had a **** day and wants to forget
He keeps thinking
"This is it boys,
My big finish"
They always want to go with a bang
Make an impact
Make sure they cannot survive
She unlocks the case
He adds more pressure
She loads the chamber
He grips the column
She pulls the trigger
He hits the tree line
It's not a warning
When you commit the deed
But everything before hand can't always be seen
There's nothing worse
Than drowning on your own thoughts
That can change at the flick of a wrist

In the middle of the lonesome night
A heart aches and a mandolin plays
Longing and sorrow
Filled to the brim
Of a battered thought driven to the ground
Lost hope and faith
With no chance to rejoice
Pain floods the streets and enters the homes
Just down the road
To the town square
Where under a single willow
A bench does sit
Begging for the mandolin to smile
With its lively tune
With memories of a love once so on fire
That are now tainted with poison
And venom
From silly juvenile mistakes
That no clock or brokenness can take back
To times when joy and laughter and love
Never seemed to lack

From the depths of my harshly
Used heart I sincerely thank you for
Caring in that unattainable way you did
Knowing just who I wanted to be

You always managed to remind me who I should be with
Obstinancy and
U*ndying fervor that left me behind

It's as though we are
Reducing
The potential of something
In the act of declaring a definitive
Name
Perhaps that is why there are
So many words;
Perhaps they all mean the same thing
But no one could agree
They all have their own infinities
Because even infinity
Has infinity
We say words and names so much
They become a mere mirror
Fragment
When we name things and people
Are we declaring ourselves to be
God?

You've gone and done it now
You blew it
I'm ******* crazy
I'll have you know
It's something I wear like a badge
This circus tent
You walked into
Well you've ****** them off
See,
The term "******' carney"
Is offensive
You're cruel
You're crass
But I'll do you one better
I'm the ******* ringleader
Of these "******' carneys"
We're no better than you
But wait, don't move
There's more in store
We've got a special exhibit to share
She eats flaming swords and slits throats
With her words
He charms snakes like Karma
Now Karma the snake is a real *****
You might go as far as to say
She's a real pain in the ***
And the twins on the tight rope
Murdered their father
On the way to west Italy
But if you think that's bad
You haven't met me
I'm the craziest *****
I'm the leader
The ringmaster
I'm also the most sane
But darling that elephant **** you
Just stepped in smells like perfume
When I stand next to you
Because you came
In here
Nose in the air
Dressed in your suit and tie
You came to a circus
Expected an opera
Then mentally ****** with my family
I will rip off
Each of your individual nails
And embed them in your throat
Then pluck your eyelashes
One by one
Telling you to make a wish
I'll send you on your merry scared way
Because I protect them first
Word to the Wise
Hunny, you don't **** with us crazies
'Cause honestly we're the worst

I have a tendency
To sit around
Staring
Mesmerized
By the nothingness
That is projected
At me
In my empty
Soulless
Stare
I hear the echoes
Haunting me from the past
A nightmare
Sitting in the corner
Patiently awaiting
My folly
The cobwebs
They gather like false friends
My heartbeat is so
Genuinely silent
Until I beg to not have one
That is when
It screams the loudest
A sinful laughter
At the expense of
My broken
Shattered
Memory

You are a precious component to my life
Each day I see you,
Life feels a little more complete
And most the time I'm drowning
In my own self-devised riptide
Yet you always jump in to save me
Nothing I can do
Or say
Will ever be enough
To show you just how much
I truly love you
I have found platonic love
Of the forever variety
It all starts and ends with you
When I wake up in the morning
I am overwhelmed with luckiness
Knowing that whatever storm may come today
You are there beside me
And each night as I lay awake
On the cusp of sleep
Your name on my lips are the last words
I speak
I don't understand how I could be so blessed
To have someone like you
Love every ounce of me
No matter how many negative things I tell you
There is no doubt
In my mind our friendship could ever end
I've told everyone they are poetry
But you,
My sweet darling,
Are the most beautiful poetry of all
Maybe that's biased
But you inspire
You are the truest and best soul I've come to know
Really, you make me whole
You fill the voids I think I have
And sometimes I don't realize it
But I am ever so appreciative of you
My one true best friend
You, my sweet darling,
Are me
And I am
You

Anything and everything is a poem
Because with poetry there are no rules
Yes certain styles of poetry have structural restrictions
But anything and everything is a poem
That can of soda pop or beer just sitting there
The bookshelf and the book
The blank index card
The bag of popcorn
The script for your screenplay
The story of your life
And because poetry has no rules
You are poetry
I am poetry

And spray-painted "Black Lives DON'T Matter"
In the parking lots
The week before they changed the wifi name
To "School Shooting at 1"

But it doesn't matter!

Of course it matters, but it doesn't

But listen
Because what I have to say might be important

The truth of the matter is this:
Hate is so cruel
It's mean
That's its nature!
But we don't have to accept it
Those incidents?
They were a couple different things
Caused by a few ******* teens.
But it doesn't matter
Because we are all here to just be
That's all.
We are meant to hurt
To cry
To bleed
To be pained
But it is not the end state
I do not care what your personal beliefs are
But I do
Because you are an individual soul
Fragile and beautiful
But you are just one
The same for myself
Now think
Together we can be powerful
We can be strong and wonderful
We are unstoppable

Have you ever seen a revolution led by only one person?
No supporters?
No agreeance?
More than likely not.
But it always starts with one.
One person
One idea
One value
One soul
One perspective

I am ready to take up arms
Against cruelty
Against hate
Let's start a revolution
Let's love

I want to do something spectacular
Something reckless and beautiful
Something fearless and live-changing
Every single day
I want to feel crazy and daring
Feel bold and loved
Feel excited and optimistic
Every single day
I want to do something that matters
Something without regrets
Something without being held back
I want to make every single day
As beautiful as anything can be

I thought someone like you
Could never like someone like me
So I didn't want to cave in
Didn't want to feel anything for you
But then you outstretched your hand
So I placed mine there
I didn't think you'd be weaving our fingers together
I thought coloring was just
A normal day in the neighborhood
"I want this one"
You leaned over my paper,
Pointing at that zing sag scarf
"To be red and green,
Like Christmas"
I didn't realize our chairs were touching
I thought it was an accident
That our thighs were together too
I thought an invitation to
Church was an act of discipling
And that you wouldn't be too
Bummed if I couldn't make it today
I thought someone like you
Could never like someone like me
But hey,
I guess I thought wrong

Is it too late to say, "I miss you"?
God, I hope so
Because I remember the last time
I thought it wasn't
Spoiler alert!:
Did not end well
Is it too late to say, "I love you"?
God, I hope so
Because if not I'd come back running
And that's not who I want to be
Is it too late to say, "I'm sorry"?
God, I hope so
Because I have nothing worth apologizing
To your cheating *** for
Last time I did that
It was ******* pointless
Is it too late to say, "*******"?
God, I hope so
Because that would mean I still care
In some form or another
Which I do
Not that you give a ****
Is it too late to turn around?
God, I hope so
Because this time it's my turn to shine
And if I go back to you
I haven't even started
On the path
To self re-creation

1:12 PM, 21 March 2000 PST
-
11:08 PM, 17 July 2016 PST
My life thus far is not
Defined by my timestamps
I am the negative and positive space
That fills the void between my numbers
Some people are "numbers guys"
I, myself, am a "a-let's-see-what-the-hell-is-in-store-next girl"
So **** the timestamp
11:11 PM. 17 July 2016 PST

I should hate more than I do
But I won't because that's draining
I should have loved you forever
But I won't because you've haven't loved me
Since December

Many of the greatest things
I've encountered in my life
Start with my philosophy
Five seconds of brave
Sometimes there's a second of
Oh ****
That follows from crippling fear
But those five seconds
Are all it takes to change things
My greatest friends come from this philosophy
My greatest accomplishments
Are direct results of courage
We can't walk through life in terror
Carpe diem
Seize the day
Take every opportunity to change for the better
And never let fear stop you
Because it only takes five seconds
Five seconds of brave
With maybe a single second of
Oh **** to follow
But never to regret

I'd just like to take a moment
To acknowledge all the good you pour from your heart
All the love you give without a second thought
I'd like to thank you for remembering
What it was like and for
Reminding me none of this ******* will matter
I want you to know I appreciate
Every single thing that you do
And say
I would like to just say thank you
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for saving me
Thank you for being you
Now you get to be reminded
Because if I know you
I know you'll need to be reminded
I love you

Adorably gagworthy
Because nothing is worse than
Cutesy talking over each other to
Depict your date of face battles
Extended past curfew and
Frightened of losing the other
Granted neither is going anywhere
Heaven made match through twists of fate
Integrating both into my
Justifiably insane life
Keeping me on my tip toes
Leaping forward to catch them both before they
Meet the hellhole of
Never ending fear that
Openly acts as a factor of the
Purity and
Quite
Raucous realness of their
Story book love tale
Tracing the pathways paved by
Unanimously loved romantic comedies
Verifying the necessity of this
Wacky wubulous
Xenial relationship that has been
Years in the making and will stand longer than
Zion

On the first day of the last week
A girl wrapped in gold did appear
She whispered to the people of the land
Who knew their ending was near
She softly uttered these words:
"This can all be avoided still
The destruction, the chaos
The end all be all"
     The people shouted and cursed
Throwing rocks and casting stones
They all wanted to just return home
Each worldly word fell on deaf ears
For the rocks and stones clouted
The girl of gold with fear
     On the second day of the final week
A boy clothed in silver did appear
He spoke to the people of the land
For he knew of the crimes they committed the day before
"You can repair the damages done
But only within one last day
You still somehow have hope"
     The mayor of these people
Stepped forth and pleaded with
His kin, his brethren
But his words fell on deaf ears
For he and the boy of silver
Were slaughtered by once innocent people
     On the third day of the final week
A screaming light tried to save them
But the darkness of the hearts of the land
Swallowed the light without thought
     Days later
On the final day of the final week
The world was visited by the four who died
Each voice was powerful
Each voice was echoing
The people had been warned
But now their choices came back for hauntings
Each rush of negativity ever uttered
On the now barren earth
Fueled the four deities who had tried to help
And their great power
Engulfed the world in flames

     On the first day of the first week after the final week
The grass was replenished
The sky was once again clear
The poison that rushed through the veins of those people
Finally eradicated
A new race emerged slowly
To repopulate the world
But they had not yet been created
So all that rested on the
First day of the first week after the final day of the final week
On a perfect green hill
Under a perfect blue sky
Grew a single flower
Seven petals
One for each day of the week

And its abuse encourages me
To continue running

There's a reason we all
Have given you this title

Congratulations,
For you have been chosen
As ******* of the millenia

I said, "I'm done"
You heard, "Fight for me"
I said, "It's not working anymore"
You heard, "Let's fix this"
I said, "You hurt me"
That was all you could hear
You said, "Don't leave"
I heard, "I took you for granted"
You said, "I can change"
I heard, "It'll be this way in two weeks"
That was all I heard as I packed my things
I said, "It's over"
You heard, "I'm going to my mom's to think"
I said, "Good luck, I hope you can be happy"
You heard, "I'll see you tomorrow"
I said, "Goodbye"
And you finally showed an emotion and cried

No terrorist ever thinks,
"I wonder how much art I've inspired"
No artist ever thinks,
"I want a terrorism attack as inspiration"
How many lives must be taken?
How many different forms of art must respond?
Twin towers
World trade center
Paris
Nice
Orlando
Munich
How much longer must we live in hell?
Aren't we the generation if change?
Whatever this ******* is
It needs to stop
Right ******* now
I wonder,
What's next
I know,
I'm terrified
I want to be,
Ready for whatever you have to throw my way

As ****** up as it sounds
After all they share my pain
And I know their boundaries
As messy as they are
I can't help but to love them
With such a wide and open heart
I'm a fixer
It's what I do best
I can fill everyone else's voids and cure
Their aching pains that
Come with your right to breathe at birth
Your right to die inside
I breathe life into their souls
Loosening a weight
Without once filling the cavity in my chest
I like my people broken
As ****** up as it sounds
Because at the very least
I can leave them better than when found

It is 9:04 PM and I'm counting down the minutes
In a third of the country, I'm 16 years old now
How did I get here so quickly?
When did I grow up?
I must have missed it
It's gone by too fast
******! I want my life back
I'm 16 now but I'm still a child
I'm so glad that I have yet to give
Even something so simple as a kiss
I'm a child at heart and a child at mind
My heart has been hurt so many times before
It's a miracle I'm not 100
I'm 16 or **** near it
And this year
2016
Is my year
And **** if I am not
Going to live it to the fullest

My heart certainly goes out to you
Especially after
This year's fourth of July
When Missy
A neighbor of mine in
My hometown
Begged us to sell her a sparkler
Only one
Because her five year twins
Were bawling
In the back seat of her car
Not knowing
How hard their mom worked
Just barely
Finishing her shift for them to see the
Fireworks' finale
She was **** near in tears when we
Gave away
Three sparklers and several ground flowers
For smiles
And out of kindness
She almost
Dropped her glowing Marlboro
In surprise
A few minutes later we could see
Three lights
Waving magnificently in the dark
And I
Took a picture that will forever
Be engrained
Of three handheld fireworks
Being waved
In an exactly identical pattern
And illuminated
Smiles on a small hurting family
Struggling mothers
My heart sincerely extends to you
With sincerity
I wish to help in every way
Ever possible

How all his words leave me on the edge of
My seat, and how his unending kindness causes
Me to fall harder and faster each
Second. The things he says without thinking
Are the absolute best
And I am completely his

I can hope and I can dream
That you might still love me
If you swear that you'll be true
I will always love you
You had my heart
Once before
I never got it back after
Our war
You 've fooled me once
Now fooled me twice
There are tears burning my eyes

Here is the tale of an ordinary girl
She met a boy thinking he could be her world
She thought it was love at very first sight
He took her home and made her his queen that night
When she awoke too soon the next day
The place beside her was occupied by sun rays
The boy had left her all alone
Her heart was broke just like her throne
And she sang:

I can hope and I can dream
That you might still love me
If you swear that you'll be true
I will always love you

He lived his life out on the road
A different girl each night to forget his home
The girl he left behind in the dust
Shouldn't have left such an impact, but
He packed his bags of wandering
Closed his eyes and prayed that she
Might still be waiting
As he roamed:

He would hope and he would wish
That she still would love him
He left her heart all alone
But he hoped she'd still be home

He returned a week later
Saw on the door a note that hurt
She had moved on with her life
But she wished she could have been his wife
He called her to come back home
And she trusted with blind love
He lost his temper late one night
And she thought she lost her sight
He dropped to his knees and cried
Begging attempts and apologizing
She forgave him once again
It was in the morning when she left him

With her head held high
She whispered her cry:

I have hoped and I have dreamed
But you don't still love me
I know now you'll never be true
Yet I'll always love you
You had my heart
Once before
I'll never get it back, not after that war
You fooled me once
Now fooled me thrice
I still have tears staining my eyes

I can hope and I can dream
That I might love me
I swear to myself that I'll be true
One day I might not love you

Pitter patter
Pitter patter
We sit here with no real knowledge
Of what we are to amount to
But we feel
Oh ****** how we feel
What we want to amount to
Badump
Badump
We will break like glass
And we will glisten like
Sun on the water
But so long as we feel
We are unshatterable
Beep
Beep
We might feel like we have
Hit the land from the sky
With our hearts of glass
Our souls of fragility
But there is always
The *feeling of what we want to become
That drive that will keep us going
Simply because
We possess hearts that beat
And hearts that bleed

There's no hope for me to change
Because who the hell are you
To decide who the hell I am
And how my story goes
When you don't even know my name
If you want to tell
I'm a sarcastic *****
That will someday be a body
In a sewer or a trench
Be my guest
And feed the fire that drives me
To kick your *** not kiss it
I've done too much of that
I'm a new person
Not just some thought you can blow off
If you want in my life
You want in wholeheartedly
Not half-assedly
Because I will leave you
In the ******* dust

Hey hey hey everybody
I'm here by special request
I'm a no good shitastic mess
Thrown under the bus
Kicked to the curb
Just as I deserve
I'm not worth the love I desperately crave
Sure as hell not worth the love that you gave
I'm a ***** up and a mistake
Not worth making
I'm a horrifying risk worth not taking
I'm a regret unworthy of faking
I'm so down on myself
Like a homeless puppy
Kicked and abused
Half tail
One ear
Broken ribs
With little hope
Maybe one day someone
Will take me home to love gingerly
Maybe
But not very likely

Words should be kind
Hearts should be full
Minds should be open
Love should be free
Worth should be equal to everyone
Worth should be seen at its maximum extent
Worth should not be less
For any one person
Hate should be eradicated
Pain should be non existent
War should be forbidden
Worth should be more
Not less
Yet it seems the world
Refuses to acknowledge
What must simply be an axiom
Because the universe, it appears,
Thinks negativity is the only way we grow
Help make humans worth more
Not worth less

Dreams cannot be the sole foundation
For everything
Dreams can be the starting point
But a foundation of dreams
Is almost as bad as a
A foundation composed by
A web of lies
Like lies
Dreams often fall through
True sometimes dreams are enough
But you have to use common sense
And hard work
To build a house to store your dream
Foundation

It is said that hell hath no fury like a women scorned
But I strongly believe that a wiser thought is
The world hath no determination like a ****** adolescent

It was unbreakable with nothing to shatter it

Maybe it was just another lesson
I** was supposed to learn
Still how am I
Supposed to forget

Yet here I am trying to know who I'm talking to
Out in the open I cannot figure this out
Undeniablely I can't manage to forget

Would I have thought
I'd be strong enough
To feel confident and comfortable
In my own skin
I had that for a short period of time
I put myself out there
And I tried so hard
Yet so carefree
I know this is when I was most beautiful
You took that from me
Now I'm back to claim
What is rightfully
Mine