As she trembled from pain and cold
I had no verbal sedatives for her nerves
I found no right words
So I just held her

I held her so close, saying no promises
As the cold winds whostled in the night
I hoped our hearts could communicate
She was hurt and destroyed inside

She spoke of sorrow
Hope was faded away, her strength wasting away,
A day or two she'd blacked out
Anger, deprivation, fear

They were drowning her in a sea of despondency
My melancholic arms wrapped her
As the bitter cold night shifted
Trying to give her as much heat as I could

I never let go of her
As the earth span us close
I was helplessly wordless
Useless but she held on closer

I just held her
I let her tears drench her
'You are a survivor'
My unspoken words warmed her

Her trembling ceased
As we drifted asleep
We walk up to a flicker of hope
As I kissed her in the sunrise

Everyone can afford dreams
But I was the biggest shopper
Shoving condos and benzes into my cart
No cashier at the exit to demand payment

I picked lavish expensive charms
Had no worries about pennies
Everything was costless
Blessings from the gods

I was younger then I grew a little older
I kept shopping for expensive dreams
With time I encountered little snags
I couldnt get out of the mall with my immense goods

So I bargained with my conscience
Drop this and pick that
What was lighter I thought was better
So I chose those that were easier

Years went by and I learnt lessons little by little
A sister had shopped for the Whitehouse
And arrived home with a highschool
The question is can you carry what you pick?

A friend had shopped for the most
Yet arrived home with the least
So I selected the lightest
But when I packed, my car wouldn't budge

I further reduced my pricey costless goods
Albeit grudgingly,promising myself
I would come back for them
But **** there are no second rounds

As I grew older and older
I found myself driving home
With only a few of those costless goods
They were not even the biggest and priciest

They were what I could carry
Every time I stop by that dream shop
To do some window shopping
And say I wish

it's ok to decide
you don't want me.
i won't keep tugging on
your sleeve to try to
make you love me.
but after all i have given,
after all we have shared,
i deserve to know
why.

don't leave
if you can't
mean it

I like pens that bleed
Ink that smears
Girls with scars
Broken parts
***** clothes
Stained sheets
The hint of blood
The taste of lust
The smells of love
Nights through morning
Mornings to night
Suns that sleep
Moons that dream
And all the pretty
You hide underneath
Those pretty
Pretty
Pretty things

We still aren't talking
And that's ok.
I don't like it
But I tried to fix things
I wonder what you now think of me
...Maybe it's best I don't know?
Maybe you don't want to be reminded
Of me
But what do you think of
When you play the CD I gave you for your birthday?
I wonder
Did you throw it out?
I doubt that
You loved it
You even told me so
Now I guess I have no choice left
But to believe I venture into your mind when you drive, with music playing loud
So yeah, we aren't talking
But that's ok

It's hard to write when things are going well. I used poetry as an escape from the madness and depression. Now that things are going well I find it difficult to write. But here I am at the bottom of a bottle, thinking about nights with you again. I'm happy with myself for once in what seems a lifetime but it doesn't feel the same without your smile in my life. I look at the moon and wonder if you are looking at it too. Chances are unlikely but maybe just maybe you'll glimpse at it and maybe just maybe you'll think of me.