i'm scraping dreams from my skin
with my fingernails.

dreams where you move down here.
where i'm your little spoon
and i'm in your tee shirt.

water beats down
and my skin is raw.

oh, silly little me.

i can't scrape away the pain
in my chest with fingernails

and red hot water.

i'll be almost an adult
yet i don't feel mature
as the pain goes down my throat
and collects itself into a ball
of tears.

stuck.

i feel stuck.
i feel sorry.
(i wish i could say i feel nothing.)

i feel like i'm going backwards, asking myself
if i should be or not be at all.

i don't know what i'll say
on my birthday

when they ask me what i wished for
on the candle of the cupcakes

that aren't even the ones i asked for.

if it would put you at ease,
I will strip myself down,
baptize myself in your sea,
by your hands I will drown.

if it would quiet your mind,
I’ll sew my own mouth closed.
actions grow louder with time,
hollow intentions disposed.

you are the air in my lungs,
the god to which I pray
the religion on my tongue
I return to each day.

save me from a life without you,
give me a love that will consume.

word *****: [inspired my audrey turla]

if we think positively, we'd think that  droplets of rain fall down to kiss the ground. we'd think that those monsters under our bed stays to make us safe and sound. but the thing is, i can't. i continue to live with thoughts such as the rain to be the tears of the sky, that the monsters under my bed waits for me to die. if only I think more positively, and not see the glass half empty, then maybe these dreams will be the new part of my reality.

green, the water is blue
and green and cold
(the moon into blood)
freezes
me
(the sun shall be turned to darkness)
tangles
inward lethargy that will not melt again
but i do not know

the sun shall be turned to darkness
and the moon into blood
before that great and terrible day of the lord

catharsis is not melting or boiling or freezing but it is
unfolding.
an inward lethargy that cannot melt or boil or freeze
catharsis is not melting or boiling or freezing but it is
(before that great and terrible day of the lord)