i have a voice
yet it's hardly ever heard
drained out
washed away
existence nearly always forgotten
no matter how loud i scream
how much i breathe
how red i get
the crackling in my voice
and the tears down my cheeks
just don't seem to be loud enough for anyone to hear.
maybe one day
all the noise around me will fade.
maybe one day
i won't have to scream to prove that i am worthy of something more.
maybe one day
a whisper will be just fine.

saturday was the day you left me
the day you walked straight out
of my life using the back door
you made me unlock after
it was shut tight due to
years of broken trust
and an isolated
heart.

i want to explore wet concrete streets
at 2 am while staring at
twinkly reflective puddles
that help illuminate
this reoccurring nightly dream.
i want to witness this city
as lifeless as can be
so that i can hear the buildings whisper that being alone
and being lonely
will always be two very separate themes.

Reverse the clock,
Step in and ripple.
Find the key to this lock
Don't need help from people.

All alone you were,
But no need to be afraid.
Don't need to start a war
It's no game. It is not played.

I told you several times,
But you stop and rewind
I'm finally losing rhymes,
Please make up your mind!

Think and you'll see,
It won't go on forever
Your heart wants to flee
The flames of life's fever.

Last night
I fell asleep
imagining my arms
wrapped around you,
thinking of how sweet
your sleepy kisses
would taste.
Last night
was the first night
in over three weeks
that I slept soundly.

I like someone I shouldn't
The one person I can't have
To me food is the enemy
It makes me fat it takes away my bones
I wish I could say I don't get nervous
But my hand is constantly tapping
Giving me away
I dress more like the opposite gender than my own
I'm more other than either side
I know one day I'll get it but right now its hard

Some days when I wake up
All I wanna do is bust this rut
Not with any ***, girl with flow
With *******, luscious lips,
And a round ****
A girl with brains is what I want
The kind of girl with a mind to flaunt
Her eyes so round, so pretty
Getting to the point when I'm lippy
Maybe a birdy, one who's a little too
Nerdy, still keeps me on my toes tippy tippy
Till my tip starts slipping
In the bedroom getting freaky

Dear Baby,

Your daddy doesn't want you,
and I am deeply sorry for how weak of a father you have.
I'm sorry he is so angry,
so scared,
so unwilling.
I'm sorry he won't love you,
but Baby,
he doesn't love me either.

I'm not even sure if I love me anymore.
*You're all I have, please be strong.