If you're wondering who the dumb blonde is, it's me.
I'm the blondest,
and the dumbest.
And when it comes to love,  I get the most hurt.
Not only am i really hurt
I'm really missing you
I hope the thought of me is not killing you
I really regret loosing you
I bet the thought of me in pain is soothing you.
Missing you has turned into wishing for you
wishing for you has turned into reaching out  to you
and all I get is rejection which aches that part in my heart
because i really wish that I could have you in my arms
but all I'm left with is memories
because that is the result of feeling broken hearted when you're a dumb blonde.

I sit in math class
thinking why y=mx+b
I start thinking about life
and how I could put it into this problem
y would be you
mx would be your and my ex
and the +b would stand for me

y stands for you because
when I decided to take you on
I knew it was gonna be me plus our ex
and I thought it could work

mx is our ex's because they both
just team up together to try to ruin
the happiness we built and so they
are multiplied together because they're
a team.

the +b has to stand for me because
I'm in this situation too and I stand alone in it. He wants me but he could go back to his ex.

I'm so confused why he can't just cancel out the mx and just keep b.
Is just the 1 of me not good enough for all of him?

I physiologically don't believe in suicide
I don't believe that it help solves any problems that are going on,
but I'm not saying you're stupid to feel suicidal.
the terms suicide and suicidal are defined two major different ways.
suicide can be defined as the act of killing yourself
but suicidal is thoughts of killing yourself.
thinking and doing is majorly different, because if you're committing suicide or committing suicidal thoughts you are doing to major different things
but I am suicidal

everyday I wake up and do normal teenage things
I battle this mental hate for myself
sometimes it's harder than other times
other times I get so sick thinking about what I've let myself become.
the days I don't wear makeup are my worst days
because I don't have the motivation for anything
life can do terrible things
but I'm just not ready.

I remember hearing this phrase for the first time
some crazy lady I had to see weekly
always asked me, "any suicidal thoughts lately?"
I shrugged it off because I was so scared to know what it meant
that next week she asked if I had "suicidal thoughts"
I asked her what they were because I was ten or eleven and it wasn't in my vocabulary.
she googled it for me
Google defines it as "Suicidal thoughts, also known as suicidal ideation are thoughts about ******* oneself, which can range from a detailed plan to a fleeting consideration and does not include the final act of killing oneself. "
and I thought about ending my life for the first time.
I told my friends at lunch that day that I wanted to die.
I had tears in my eyes
I couldn't just lie
I was in 5th grade
these thoughts started so young
I felt so horrible
I tried to take a bottle of pills
I awoke the next morning
and I wasn't happy about being awake.

if only tonight could be the last night
that all this would end
life would be great
if my body was lifeless
I am sad
and I've never shared this story before.

it's been so long
since I put my feelings
into lines of writing
I'm getting dusty
with these kind of things
I feel like a traitor to the world of writing
my mind is destroyed
my heart is broken
my eyes are tear ducts
life is hard,
some times too hard to write about
I would never wanna hurt someone else
but I always hurt myself
I'm so confused with my life.

If you want my ex girlfriend, she's up for grabs.
But if you sleep with her, you will get the *****.
It's possible that you may get ****** too.
Sleeping with her is a stupid thing to do.
I caught her in bed with my cousin and I thumped her.
She sleeps with a lot of men, that's why I dumped her.
I'm giving you valuable advice so you'd better listen to me.
If you ****** my ex girlfriend, you are sure to get an STD.