every night
when I close my eyes
and start to dream
my mind drifts to
some pretty creative things
but I always end up
with you
**** I really need you
I miss you

life is a drag
I don't want to be here
my mom makes me go to counciling
but takes me out 30 minutes early
I nearly killed myself last week
mom says its just for the attention I think I need
well mom all these voices in my head keep me company
the voices tell me to stay in bed because this is the life of a party
mom says why don't you go get real friends to bring to a party
mom can't you see I'm stuck in such a self destructive loop and I'm so sorry

I'm tired
I'm tired of being something I'm not
I'm tired of giving the best that I've got
I'm tired of not living up to the top notch
I can't keep acting like everything is okay when it really is not
I can't keep giving everything I've got because I'm always left with nothing
I can't live normal because I'm ****** up mentally.

This is not a poem,
but I just want to use pretty words to express my happiness.
Seeing the way the wind interact with the trees,
makes a smile appear on my face.
As I glance over at my family laughing together,
it makes me feel a warm feeling where my heart is.
Like I said, this is not a poem,
I want to use words to express the way life makes me feel.
Meeting new friends,
makes me feel very important to society.
Beginning a new year,
is like hitting reset on your internet history.
You are free from all mistakes ever made.
I’ll say this again to make it clear, this is not a poem.

I know where your resting place is.
But you left me with so many questions,
and I just want to know why.
Why did you have to go?
Or is it better left unsaid?
Are you okay?
I didn’t hear from you for a while
before you permanently left me.
What’s it like in Heaven?
I hope you’re having a great holiday
with everyone who left this earth before you.
Do you hear me when I try to talk to you?
I talk to you when I miss you the most,
and I just want to be selfish and know if you hear my voice.
Is life up there easy like everyone says?
I know you struggled so much,
and I’m glad you’re in a place where no suffering is a promise.
Can you send me a card signed by you and your dogs?
I love traditions, and that one was my favorite on Christmas eve.
But just so you know, I miss you every single day.
This month marks month 4 without your talks.
I never dreamed to go a birthday without you.
You may not be physically here with me,
but you will never leave my mind.

At the age of 4, love was the thing that your parents were in.
And it was also the reason for them to be together.
So you were glad that they were “in love.”
At the age of 6, love was talked about a lot.
But it normally was gross and gave you cooties.
And you swore you would never be in love.
At  the age of 10, boys start to become so cute.
You just can’t keep your eyes off of them.
And everyone is developing crushes
and they start dating each other.
At the age of  14, love is the craving of every teanager.
You feel like you have to be good enough for a guy
and that is all that matters to you.
But, when you turn 16, love is abused.
It’s no longer what you ever thought it would be.
And boys make you cry
and emotionally unstable.

Death has been a common friend to me.
Family came into my life,
and left so soon.
I need you so much,
but you're 6 feet deep in the ground.
How is this going to do me any good?
So all I have now is the memories
and stupid thoughts that will haunt me
but not you.
But what I am seeking for is something tangible.
Nothing will ever be as great as you are.
How could you do this to me?
Just to leave me with that common friend.