nostalgia for the past
creeps into every part of me.
overflowing my heart and my mind
with waters I will chart only once.
like a map with millions of pin holes,
my life is covered with people and places I have loved.
seen through these eyes and felt through this heart
are things I will continually long for.

I don't know why I'm scared.
to die is the ultimate gift.
a welcome relief from
this world we call home,
when all it has really been
is a place I have never actually known.

it's hard to let go of something
you have held onto for so long.
watching it drift away,
caught in the wind.
tears stream from your face
and it feels like your chest has caved in.
but watching this thing die,
something you've known for your whole life,
means there will be a new beginning.
whether you're ready for it or not.

how much longer until my future?
I know I'm living in it,
but when does it get better?
I thought that the present meant now,
but I think we're mistaken
because all I can picture is what is still waiting.

I live a life of unfulfilled dreams.
trips never travelled and sights never seen.
words never written and photos never taken.
a world full of wonder and I sit here unshaken.
one would think of glorious adventures ahead,
but I'm just trying to find a way out of bed.

I wake up to cold coffee
and a sigh on my shoulders.
I sip the disappointment
and let it drip from my lifeless composure.
so much distain within my smile,
it's hard to believe I'm still standing.
I would have thought the weight
to completely destroy me.
but it's easy to dismiss all things without meaning,
unless you choose to give them a reason for staying.

my soul is withered
without a home.
my body has become tired,
restless without bones.
I no longer live
because there is no reason
to breath.
waking up each morning
in a drunken dream.