"I'm so OCD"
OCD isn't a joke.
Washing your hands over and over again until your skin is raw isn't a joke.
Doing things that your brain tells you to do, regardless of what, isn't funny.
Not having control is not a joke.

"You look so anorexic."
Eating disorders are not a joke.
Refusing to eat until it kills you isn't a joke.
Throwing up over and over again to get a body that you will never be happy with isn't funny.
Being control by the one thing that makes you feel like you have control isn't a joke.

"That made me so depressed."
Chemical imbalances in the brain isn't a joke.
Wanting to do nothing all the time isn't funny.
Wanting to die all the time isn't a joke.

Stop making jokes about things you don't understand.

And if you are dealing with any eating or mental disorder, I am so proud of you for still being here and staying strong. I know how hard recovery is. You will overcome it.

I can't remember when I was first happy
I don't remember when my wrists were clean
I wish I was happy
I wish I was clean
Sadness envelopes me like a velvety wave
Please help, oh darling, I can't live like this anymore
I can't smile
I can't laugh
I can't live without doubt
Maybe if I just die tonight
Everyone would be happy
And no one would have to bother with me.

I think I'm dying.
I'm crying because I need to lose more.
I'm crying because I need to feel more.
I'm dying to feel something, anything.
I'm dying to hear your voice again.
I'm dying to be alive.

I hope you are finally a musician in Los Angeles
I hope you are successful WITH him.
I hope you learned the true meaning of success and contentment.
I hope you can finally wake up without remembering John hanging from a rope.
I hope you can finally cope.
I hope you can hear someone say "John" and not flood into an ocean of tears.
I hope you forgave your dad. It wasn't completely his fault.
Alcohol does that to people.
I hope you can eat three times a day without crying or hurting.
I hope you started eating more than 300 calories a day, you're killing yourself right now.
I hope you still sing in the shower and dance in your pj's every morning.
I hope all these things come true but mostly I hope you love yourself and are finally HAPPY.

I just wish someone cared enough to remind me that I matter more than my weight and I deserve to live longer than the days I haven't eaten.

Laying in a bed of flowers,
Built on your words,
Alone,
A mane of hair framing my face,
Your body blanketing mine,
Toe curling kisses,
Your mouth to mine,
Sighs & moans bouncing off our bodies,
Intimatetly bound underneath the sheets,
Nails to back,
Gasping for breath,
Your hands guiding my hips,
Making love to you requires no skill,
Only love and free will,
My eyes stare into yours,
Sweat dripping down your face,
I realize Id always want you,

You can render me speechless,
But never wordless,
There was always lust behind your tongue,
I've never been kissed be a true lover,
I guess I'm not stable, I guess I'm not stable,

Fade out scene two
Enter beautiful boy

He said, do you know girl you'd be gorgeous,if.
You'd stop and look in the mirror, you've gained ten pounds since the last time I've seen you, your smile is so loud it hurts, baby girl please shut up, all you do is talk but your words are dust,  those shoes you wear, so many holes, when it rains your feet are like the sea, is that the necklace we found on the beach around your neck? Tackey aren't you,

Zoom out scene three,
Bird eye view of boy,

He screamed are you crazy girl why did you have to know me? If you wouldn't have, you be alive right now hopefully. He laughed through his tears, the mockery and the jeers, nothing would bring his girl back. He whispered I'll use your head stone as a pillow, this grave, a bed for two.

I am to stare at the sleepless night of tomorrow.
This eyes carry the weight of my blindness,
and I tremble before the dark.

My heart is impaled by pain,
and this ash filled lungs destroys me.

I feel the breeze of the night,
and sorrow kisses my forehead.
Endless silence whispering through my ears.

This inevitable confusion keeps me company.
Hands sweating and fingers writing with burning passion.

I am slowly being carried by the waves of nothingness.

Surely, I'll drown.
Then I'll be latched with great sadness all over again.