Some things are inevitable,
Like the sun slipping,
Everyday into the shadows,
So the moon can rise and shine,
For the night,
Some things,
Like the sea,
Eventually reaching the shore,
No matter how many times,
She tries to float away,
Some things,
Like a love that was written in stone,
Before the lovers knew what love was about,
And some people (like me),
Stand at a crossroads,
Knowing that some things are inevitable,
Knowing that some things,
Are never meant to be

staring at the ceiling, counting the mosquito bites on my arm
there are sixteen
reasons why you left me but I can only remember the one that went unsaid
"you cannot fix yourself"
there is a constellation of scars on my hips
and I can see your face, hear your biting words in them
if I try hard enough.
maybe it's just a reflection of the moonlight,
or it's just one bad night. one of too many.
am I the insect stuck between screen and glass
trying to escape something shatterproof
when the more effort I put in, the more likely I am to die?
even the mosquitoes have become tired of seeing my blood
it fills the sticky night with a sour-sweet stench
of broken promises and lost lies.
but god,
I am the moth who only wants to get closer to the light.
you were my light.
and I'll leave the windows open all summer
as if maybe you'll crawl back in through them
I've broken the glass in all of them anyway
I've named sunrises after you
they too are supposed to be emblems of hope but only remind me of how broken I am
and it's funny
because I used to wish on every star that you'd understand
but now I just wish to be able to forget you.

someone's in the next room over
having *** while we
are weeping
what a way to mark the occasion
the day my fingers found a wound
you let someone else doctor
it's upsetting see
the bible in drawer next to us
the way our hands still
fit together
like the torn halves
of a love letter
the way you got
all dressed up like the rain
and how we couldn't tell
the difference in the shower
it was the longest hour and a half
spent crying
the hot water wouldn't give up
so why should we
right?
even though it was scalding
neither of us touched the ****
we knew this was supposed to hurt
your hair
a black mess against my shoulder
my fingers
oil in the vinegar of your hands
our bodies
the great divide
all the sobbing
a river runs through it
without the courage
to carry or **** us
so we step out
and drip dry
down to a mute breakfast
composed of quiet
and last nights liquor
as we came back in
there were people in our room
at first i thought them detectives
dissecting things
to see who had died here
i had forgotten this
was a hotel
and they were only
cleaning up after us
i wanted to stop them
plead
that the sheets were still perfect
that if they clean the bathroom
no one will know
what happened here
someone has to remember
"please
i know
these cigarette burns
by name
i will bury the faucet
let me take the tub
i don't care how
if i have to
i will drag it home by hand"

i cried myself to sleep again last night
those old demons resurfaced
and i knew they would follow me into my dreams
i dreamed that i was scared
i was broken
i was alone
the ghosts of my past were all around me and the tears just wouldn't stop
and they said it would happen again
because why wouldn't it?
i was too weak
i wasn't worthy enough to prevent it
they closed in on me and i couldn't breathe
and then
then everything slowed
and i saw your eyes
they smiled at me as you soothed my soul and wiped away my tears
you wrapped me in your arms and said it would be alright
that you would protect me
you promised
and for the first time in a long time
i believed
i woke up alone in my bed
but i felt your presence
like your arms were still around me
my pillow was dry
**the tears stopped