I can’t do this anymore
something has to change

I love you
I miss you
and I never meant to hurt you

I won’t say I’m sorry
because isolating myself
is the best thing
I’ve ever done for me
I’m finally getting to know myself again
and now I know why
I was never happy

The thing is
I was too caught up with
you and your messes
to realize
I was beginning to unravel
from the inside out

I was too busy making sure
everyone else
got their own happy ending
that I forgot
who I am
and what I needed

Now I realize
I needed
more

I need someone
to remind me to breathe
to step away
keep my sanity
stitch myself together
and bleed my own sorrows

Everything
you are, resided in me
everything
they needed flowing in my
veins
every dream
slept in my heart
and yet
everything
that I am was
nowhere to be found
and I can’t be that again

So this is goodbye
to the girl I used to be
and sleepless nights
worrying about
tomorrow’s sorrows
wishing
I could take the pain away
'til one day
I did
and never stopped
I whittled myself away
until I was nothing
without the pain plaguing you
and those around me

I became addicted
to ******* the pain out of you
and into me
inflating myself back to life
just so you wouldn’t disappear
I never showed it but
I was slowly
going insane
always needing more pain

You always said
I never wanted stability
and you were right
because if everything was alright
I had no clue who I was
and I couldn’t
fill myself back to life

Monster wheels on a minivan
I call it a scream
with a driver
whose face I've never seen.

He parks outside my home
everyday
but I don't know anyone
who can see
six feet under.

you should have taught me how to love
by loving me

She will carry you even if her arms are broken
She will cook for you even she feels sick
She will be there no matter what happen
She will still love you even if you are freak

I love you mama!

All I'm asking for is a chance,
A chance to prove my worth,
A chance to earn a place upon
This site to share my work

I'll show you my inner feelings,
Share insight to my soul
Relate, digest, connect the dots...
Through others work I'll scroll

Please accept me to your website
With arms that open wide
We'll laugh, we'll cry, we'll scream out loud;
Then smile, with you on side.



© Karen L Hamilton, 2015

The heart --
        Can never be open
        Unless somebody
        Breaks it.
        
The love --
        Can never be true
        Unless somebody
        Makes it.

The seasons --
        Can never change
        Unless somebody
        Feels it.

These blankets --
        Can never be warm
        Unless they are
        Somebody's arms.

These words --
        Can never be relevant
        Unless they are
        For you.

forgiveness,
easy to perceive,
hard to admit,
forever to achieve,
hard to permit