The chasm is open and I'm drawn to it by burning curiosity. As I enter all breath is taken away and locked inside tight. Like cement filling my chest. Searching for nothing, the paranoia is plain nauseous. Time to accept you are the brick wall blocking paths. Forgotten and fading like I’ve been erased from time. Feeling invisible with the a solivagant state of mind.

I am the moth who knows nothing, inflicting this pain myself. Summoning the demons who scorn and scold me. Overbearing interest and curiosity. Questions silenced before the tip of my tongue, thoughts but an ember of burning guilt. Afraid of ownership and scared to be free. A transparent  face in the sidelines. Wings fluttering with inspiring interest. Flicked away like the pest I am but I still return, drawn by the light which causes me pain. Wanting answers and drawn to the unknown. Pushed into the sidelines, invisible once more. Enough is enough. Transformation from a Moth to a Monarch. Wings fluttering. However, no longer for the dark light which has blinded me but for the fields of flowers and love all around. Ready to give love and receive gratitude.

The mundane truth is evident in my soul. No longer shall I stay dormant, I will be in control. Our time is here & change is coming.

matter,
doesn't exist,
consciousness,
is all there is

trigger,
broken connection,
diminishing, spinning, circling,
these memories remain,
they make me slither

river flows with my eyes closed,
sun shines but i don't glow
breathe slowly, you're not alone
nowhere to go,
anxious blank angst,
leave me alone

There's a creature that lives within me. An abusive leech draining me slow. Demanding attention & setting my expectations.