before you even do

have faith in me
when I say that this world is a better place
because it had a chance to know you, to hold your own existence
in its roots and depths and heavens and oceans,
carry you up to the same stars that lights your eyes,
lay you down on lavender and daises,
your laughter flitting dandelion seeds enough
to make grow, to have bloom

the world adores you and in the way you bring summer with a sigh
and how you close your eyes and let spring rain soak your bones

and there will be things about you that the world may never come to understand:
the soft whispers to yourself when you think no one is watching, the way your fists clench when you sleep,
and how you think you at your most is never enough
(when it is enough, more than enough)

have faith in me,
when I say that
I have been made a better person,
the best I can be,
because I had a chance to
exist with you

to feel your love in the crinkles of your eyes, the squints of your uneven blinks
and through the bursts of emotion in your voice

I have always been caught in the wonder of your beauty
and it was always a matter of time before I felt the love like yours
wash over me in waves, waves, waves

and when I say I love you
it is in all earnesty,
because all of my heart and love and
faith
is in you

for what it’s worth,
we both didn’t know what we needed

i think
we relied on smoke to make up for the silence
we couldn’t fill

fingertips touching, flickering like the fire from
your lighter
gazes fluid like gasoline, waiting for a light to set it afire

but where the edges aren’t collapsing,
we’re still whole
flowing into each other,
falling back into place

we’re not looking to burn the night away
even in our self-destroying core,
we’re still looking to feel something,
everything


**** falling apart, that’s not,
that’s not us

we’re not breaking, not leaving
just looking for a space to stay

we don’t breathe fuel, and even on the cruelest days
we know how to keep each other warm

so i guess when we extinguished ourselves,
in our own self-doubt,
fell apart,
that’s when we realized that,
for what it’s worth, what we needed
most,
was each other

He’s probably not everything I’ve ever wanted
Pompous and overbold, he shines too bright,
Like he’s some star that refuses to die,
An insignificant blinking wanting to conquer the universe.
It hurts to watch him,
a fragile twinkle who’s so desperate to encompass his
Struggles, to survive, to not fall apart to his weaknesses.
He believes “talent is something you make bloom”
Obsessive, compulsive, the only things he makes bloom are
The tired lavenders under his eyes
and angry blues on his knees, the colors fading and reappearing
Remind me of when days turn into nights, nights into days.
Reckless and confident, he makes me want to punch him
He’s a train wreck happening, a shooting star hurling through space,
When I find him, he’ll be in pieces, and I’ll have to hold him together
He’s a constant motion, an existence that weighs like the whole world when he leans his forehead onto mine, and I tremble in his arms because I can’t stop him
He hides his daily torture through high-pitched whines and flashy smiles,
As if he’s the center of the universe, when all he is
is matter being absorbed into a black hole.
Pretentious and annoying and troublesome and stupid and dumb and
more than enough
I gravitate to him, he keeps me afloat
When I stare into his eyes
I see galaxies
When I hold his hands
Supernovas form
When he wraps me in his chest of insecurities,
I feel the planets align
When he kisses me,
I know a stellar collision has happened.
If that isn’t enough proof,
My heart, in all its stardust, a living form of space,
Pulses and radiates, in sync with the universe’s heartbeat,
A steady affirmation that yes,
He’s not everything I want
But he’s everything I need