As I saw you smile
I broke with sweet paradox
Not just of its beauty
But the reason is not me

For months I have wondered
Who you are to me
Merely a friend? Maybe
Or something else I deny

Was it the familiar feel
Or was it the chemistry?
Everyone ties us together
But you cut the rope

You shut me out
I affirm with a smile
Concealing the cuts deep inside
I wallow in internal sadness

I can never be her
I can never replace
I face the truth I am no match
Even a chance is a blur

Sometimes the dark thoughts come
With sabotage, you can split
But will I be the same?
No because you won't

As much as I love having you
It will never compare
To see that sweet smile
Even if I am not the cause

I’m a different girl
I’m one of a kind
The only one in the world
A girl that’s hard to find

An optimistic young woman who laughs and smiles
The exterior look of this girl can hide
The pain that goes for thousands of miles
Always saying “ I’m fine “ as her insides collide

A girl who’s lost in the world of reality
As she dreamt the world away
Finds a way to teleport and be in her fantasy
When she woke up the pain lost its way

I’m the girl who’s good at nothing
The awkward-looking little toddler
Not wanting to be involved in a thing
I’m the quiet one in the classroom corner

My emotions depend on the situation
But right now I’m surely delightful
Because you showed me appreciation
You read the poem that I find very truthful

With all the guys I met
He's the one I liked the best
Comes through everytime
This little klutz crosses the line

To paint a smile he never fails
"Laughs" at my horrid jokes
Shares his food with everyone
Thus maybe why he's hungry all the time

An open-book-- well, to me mostly
No judgments and fake compliments
But genuine advice and criticism
The truest I have met in years

Maybe it was right that I met him
For some reason I know I need him
Someone to cry on, cling to, and be yourself with
Talk about random things without the days passing

For such a simple guy you'll be mistaken
This one's something special I guarantee
Use my eyes to see
How wonderful this guy could be

For each step
I inhale your presence
Stuck in your sight
I evade with shame

Confused with the signs
which tell your desire
To have me
Or to just be

With each caress
I cry my heart
Not to take advantage
Of your kindness

Built with this bond
a caution and limit
of what I can be
For you

But the toxic seeps in
As I fell hopelessly
I try to stand my ground
Too late

Every aimless try
leads me to an abyss
Not just to be a friend
but more than

Hollowed-out, miserable
tears slide across pale cheeks
sitting in the middle of the concrete floor
wishing life has not been so cruel

Bleeding, wrists wounded
as the sharpest blade scrape through soft skin
Locked, the room is most silent
Black dots dance around blurred vision

A loud knock reverberated
white tulips stream down
the earth rattle in harmony
as the siren wails loudly

Needles struck veins
pressure on the bleeding wrist
Frantic, chaos, panic everywhere
But as I closed my eyes, peace came

Heavy drops of liquid clear
pour down and erase my ennui
my thoughts travel through the atmosphere
as I wonder how I miss thee

All hope lost when time became my enemy
tasks to do, forms to fill, I say, I’m sorry
Apology has not much effect
because my fearful timid self still neglect

Your sweetness is my absolute downfall
still waiting and hoping that each night, you’ll call
Tonight I whisper to the rain my longing
for you darling so you know what I’m feeling

To infinity, you’ll be my greatest reverie
the one I look forward to daily
so please do not doubt my feelings for you
because forever and ever my love will remain true