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 Dec 2018 Haylin
ashton
the scent of you still lingers.
a piece of you is embroidered into my pillow,
and i can never bring myself to wash it;
to get rid of the only remnant of you that i have left.
so it remains,
the pillow tucked away in the corner of my bed, untouched.
untouched, until i miss you. until i lie awake, staring at the ceiling.
only then, do i touch it.
only then, do i hold it, and breathe in your scent.
 Dec 2018 Haylin
Desire
Committed
 Dec 2018 Haylin
Desire
you,
and me,
we are,
unified souls,
simply, united,
an unbreakable set,
underway, sailing,
like ship and sea,
this two-way street,
you,
and me,
we are,
us. [one].
XVI. Committed
 Dec 2018 Haylin
Klaus
Now I know,
This is the first time we've
                  spoke.
But, I wanna be you.
I wanna wear your skin as a
                  cloak.
In your ambiance, I will
                  soak
And when they speak my name, i'll say who?

I wanna wear your clothes as
                    mine.
I want to live your life.
I want your receding
                    hairline.
I want your growing
                    waistline.
I want to love your wife.

9-5, I'd work your
                job.
I'd love your bratty son.
In the suburbs, a faceless
               blob.
I wouldn't  be an upturned
               slob.
And when I'd sit in your car or your study, I wouldn't think of a noose nor a gun.
For my father.
 Dec 2018 Haylin
Klaus
Nightfall, through the door,
Bedsprawl, a ritualistic bore. Movements, they're oppressive. Actions, they're aggressive but his eyes, they're depressive.

Our synthetic connection and self-hatred is created with projection and misplaced indignation. There is no love in our heads, no lust in our beds. The fear of emasculation and eternal damnation hides all self-loathing with boasting and congruent clothing.

My Y was castrated. I'm a ****** from the womb. I'm Female, for unsated gloom  my X is berated. I'm named a disgusting mutation as he projects his deveation onto the population.

When his shameful "pride" has diminished, I know our joyless formality has finished. He doesn't sit in the pew, yet he stands in the aisle, locked in a prison of denial. Tough and brisant, trying to be what he isn't. He walks out like a ragdoll, his steps aneurysmal with alcohol.

Beside myself, salty tears act as an anaesthetic, the antonym of emotion. An apathetic ocean.

I clutch my centre, the daunting tormentor. Impregnation is a STD, an infection, an infestation. Glue for our miseries to undo our joys. Merriment induced torment, fidelity induced gaiety
And nine months later I was born :)
Time, Lies
And "broken" eyes.
 Dec 2018 Haylin
mer
marching band
 Dec 2018 Haylin
mer
left --
left --
left --

stepping in sync
in stiff uniforms
shoes go: clack, clack

left --
left --
left --

memorizing songs
the temperature is never
comfortable

left --
left --
left --

marching backwards on our toes
counting steps
and playing music

left --
left --
left --

all with a smile

left --
left --
left --
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