here we are: our own paradise.
we’re sat in your green
hunk-of-junk named florence.
the air is stained with
the smell of **** and unrequited love.
you’re so comfortable here;
smiling, laughing, and singing along
to every song on the radio
(even if you don’t know all the words)

you’re an angel, you always have been.
i think i’ve always known, but i see it now.
your wings begin to emerge
from the hole you’ve kept them in
for so long.
they aren’t what i expected,
instead they’ve faded
and appear to be broken.
it’s as if someone had plucked away
at you for so long,
damaging every part of who you are,
the feathers have stopped growing in.
oh, how i wish i could fix them for you.
i would do anything to find
your lost pieces
and put them back together for you.

i ****** up.
i don’t know how else to say it.
four years ago, i made the worst decision of my life, and ruined everything between us.
i ended things with you. i told you i needed to fix myself before i could love you like you deserved. and i was right, i did need to fix myself, but i should’ve let you help. i shouldn’t have ended everything with you and i will regret it ‘til the day i die.
we were in love. we had it all. and i ****** up.
there’s nothing on this earth that i wouldn’t do to fix that part of us. it still haunts me; what could’ve been.
i know it’s too late, and i know you don’t feel the same anymore, but im convinced you are the only one for me. my soulmate.

soon, the day will come.
i won’t rely on you anymore.
the light will return, and i will blossom.
i’ll start taking care of myself,
i won’t depend on you
to pick me up when i fall.
because i won’t fall anymore.
i won’t need anyone but myself,
and when that day comes,
everything will change and i will be better.

i've had questions.
who are you?
why can't i believe in your existence?
i want to, i want to believe in a higher power.
i want to believe that there is someone watching over me,
protecting me, blessing me with love and guiding me through life.
but i don't understand.
i don't understand who or what you are.
why do people depend on you?
when do you decide to help, and when to hinder?
how can you choose who to save, and who to leave behind?

as she held his face in her hands,
she knew nothing would compare to this moment.
when she stared into the blank craters situated on his face,
she was mesmerized by just how beautiful he was.
she felt his gaunt fingers pressing into her waist
as she leaned towards him.
as she pressed her lips to where his once were,
she no longer feared what happens after death.
she no longer feared dying.

im losing myself.
i can feel the woman inside me
quietly ransacking the inside of my brain,
trying to find a weak spot
so she can take off
with the last bit of free will that i have left.
i can feel the life draining from my body.
i want to shriek and kick at her hands full of my life;
but my limbs don’t move.
i try to scream, but no sound comes out.
anxiety begins to course through my bloodstream.
i feel it pumping into my heart,
up to my brain,
leaving a blistering trail of agony behind it.
please, i try to shout at her.
i try to make her stay.
“i’ve been gone for years, my love.” her voice sends goosebumps all over my body.

i see you, love.
i notice how hard you're trying,
and i admire your strength and courage.
i know it's not easy, and i know you want to give up.
but i see you. you're not invisible,
you're valued.
did you relapse?
if you did, that's okay, you didn't fail.
are you only a day clean?
that's okay, i'm proud of you.
you have a purpose.
your voice deserves to be heard by all.
don't give up, keep fighting.