There’s a constant yearning feeling, and a thought, so loud,
in another’s voice.

saying something disconcerting every time.

how i’m insufficient,
or how i’m embarrassing,
saying i cant trust anyone else,
making me feel like i cant trust myself.

i truly don’t understand where other peoples motives lie, nor where my own.

and i’m exhausted from trying so hard to prove myself everyday,
and still falling short every time.

i want so badly to be eased in the right direction.

i want my hand held,
i want the security of knowing that the world is more than just a place where i have to learn to be cruel and vindictive like everyone else.

i want someone to actually care.

to be kind.
to teach me to be kind again.

i don’t know,

i hope one day i can look back at this and laugh, because i’m finally in a better place.

in a field of flowers
a flower stands still
looking the same
as every other will

in a field of color
with lots of room
there is no space
for change to bloom

in this field of beauty
this flower meddles
and wonders why
each flower has petals

in a field of judgment
and rules and stares
this little flower
does what no one else dares.

in a field of eyes
she takes off her petals
despite the judgment
that always unsettles

in a field of reactions
that differs upon each
this little flower explains
the lesson she wishes to teach

each flower stands the same
yet each is unique
for beauty is natural
and it’s not to critique

despite the world being vibrant

i feel very grey.

i like space.

i can't quite tell who i'm missing
you or me?

you are
important
to me

even if
not
to you

i stand here
in this room of cement
dreaming to be on the outside.

though, this dream is mercurial.

i can see the outside, through the one thing in the room.
a stained glass window.

it's colors clashing and colliding, to form the most beautiful picture
and suddenly,

my dream doesn't seem as important.

as the light shines through, the colors coat the room with warmth and beauty.

i've only one thing keeping me from my dream

something so fragile and so elegant, yet has the strongest hold on me.

i've only one thing keeping me from my dream

and yet,

i can't bring myself to destroy it.

you're only

really real

when it's just

me and you.