I’ve never experienced this

A first for me, I declare.

The ease in which we converse

Nothing else can compare.

I suppose it’s because we are similar

without it becoming a bore.

We’ll talk for a few minutes sometimes

and most others a lot more.

We talk about random stuff mostly

But that is what makes it so great.

Not knowing where the conversation will go

It may go back and forth, or be arrow straight.

We talk about building a castle together.

And fill it with our own special rooms.

Nacho rooms, and rollercoasters included!

Even an animal zoo!

I find myself drawn to her

For reasons I can’t quite explain.

Even though we’ve never met.

She’s like sunshine on a day marred by rain.

I find myself logging on to the chat room

In hopes she will be there as well.

Imagine my delight when I see her screen name

My heart begins to swell.

To be close to a virtual stranger,

yet feel like you’ve known them forever.

IT’s something I’ve rarely experienced

And meeting here has been an absolute pleasure.

We joke around a lot

and make fun of one another.

It’s nice to have someone like that

Who isn’t a sister or brother.

We’ve gotten to the stage

Where we have seen each others face.

Only in photo’s mind you,

but she is the essence of grace.

She is truly beautiful.

That much I can say for sure.

Brown hair and green eyes

What is not to adore?

She is cheeky and playful

and talking to her makes my day.

She’s left a mark on me, this woman.

She’s a burst of vibrant colour when everything may seem grey.

So I’m thankful I’ve met her.

another friend I’ve added.

And if she won’t send me a batch of cookies she bakes,

Then I will truly be shattered!

I’m staring at the moon
on a such a gorgeous night,
And I start to realize now,
You’re the one I want for life.

I’ve kept these feelings hidden,
But its time I let them out.
Because you mean everything to me,
And it’s you I don’t want to live without.

You’re beautiful,
In ways I can’t describe.
You give me butterflies in my stomach
And make me feel alive.

Whenever I think of you,
I just can’t help but smile.
You fill me with such happiness
and make my life worth while.

Without you I am nothing,
With you I am strong.
And I’m thankful everyday,
That you finally came along.

You’re everything I hoped for,
With a few surprises too.
My heart beats out of my chest
Whenever I spend time with you.

You’re my sliver lining,
When times are getting tough.
I’m always thinking of you,
And always long to feel your touch.

I’ll always cherish you,
And your heart I will not break.
And if meeting you is all a dream,
It is one from which I do not wish to wake.

I look into your eyes,
And feel the world disappear.
You’re the one whom I cherish,
And the one I hold most dear.

And love may be a tragedy,
It is one I’ll happily endure.
Because I know what I feel for you,
Is from my heart, faithful and pure.

I don’t how many times I can say it,
But I wish to say it more.
The one regret I do hold though,
Is I wanted to tell you before.

But I’ve grown up a lot,
And I thank Jesus everyday.
Because you are in my life,
And he sent you to earth, my way.

Everything about you is gorgeous,
Perfect in every detail.
Beautiful beyond recognition,
And in comparison, everyone else pales.

This is my gift to you,
It contains my heart, but also my soul too.
After all, I couldn’t keep them,
Because they’ll always belong to you.

You built me up with hollow notions.
Inflated my hopes with empty words.
You promised me everything I wanted,
but I ended up with nothing but pain and hurt.

How could I be so stupid,
and believe everything you ever said?
It sounded so good at the time,
picturing what could be, in my head.

But reality got in the way,
and exposed you for a liar.
You really didn’t care,
and now my hearts on fire.

How could you do it?
Played with my emotions like a game.
I am not your innocent plaything.
and I now must live with shame.

Darkness closing in

a weight upon my chest.

I struggle to find the light,

fighting with ragged breath.

Every inch of sanity clawed back

a battle that is hard fought.

Being a prisoner in ones own head,

lost in horrible thought.

Fighting against your every being

desperate to survive.

With desperation and fading hope

For normalcy, you strive.

Crushed under weight of words

and reflections of your self

Wanting nothing more than to be placed

upon the highest shelf.

Out of sight, out of mind

so you don’t burden others with your troubles.

Everyone else is so full of life

As carefree as a bubble.

But your bubble has burst

and released an ocean of pain

You hold all the emotions back

Fighting for your sanity to remain.

You put up walls around you

and bottled everything down deep.

You tried to fight the war yourself,

but this enemy is hard to beat.

So you locked yourself away,

shut from the outside world.

But this just fed the darkness

and even more troubles unfurled.

You fought in silence at parties

not wanting to ruin the mood.

You just sat there saying nothing,

and instead chose to brood.

For the feelings that you have inside,

you consider yourself as weak.

You don’t see anyway out from here.

The future is oh so bleak.

And so the days fade away

one after the other.

Seasons pass by slowly

yet the darkness continues to smother.

You find yourself growing tired

And you feel you don’t belong.

You want it all to be over.

You’ve been fighting for so long.

The darkness has a hold on you.

One you don’t think you could break.

It pulls you deeper down into the pit

And you wonder how much more you can take.

You pine for the feeling of happiness

It’s the one feeling you miss.

You haven’t felt it for months.

You want that feeling of bliss.

Finally it hits you.

It’s time to face the truth.

You need someone else to help,

Someone to guide you through.

You open up to family

and tell them you don’t feel the same.

That you haven’t been yourself lately,

Despite what you may have claimed.

Talking about your struggle

seems to release a mighty weight.

You feel better not having to pretend

That everything about you is great.

You feel so much lighter

as the darkness slowly fades.

You can now enjoy yourself for once

without putting on a charade.

Talking to your family has helped

hold the darkness at bay.

The journey is not over yet

but you have started on your way.

Opening up about your battle

is the hardest step to take.

Once you put yourself out there though,

what a difference it will make.

I opened up earlier this year

and have not looked back at all

I feel more like my old self again,

To the darkness I’m no longer a thrall.

It was hard for me to admit it,

but once I did I felt happy.

It was strange to feel that way

after a long time of feeling ******.

So if you feel lost in the darkness

Scared and all alone.

Open up about your struggles to family.

They will help you find your way home.

You came to my door crying

Sadness masking your usual grace.

Tears rolling down your cheeks,

Mascara running down your face.

Your long dark hair was wild

Your once glittering eyes were bleak.

Into my willing arms you fell,

Afraid, alone and weak.

I clutched you tightly to my chest

And you rested your face against my heart.

You cried for what seemed like hours.

before you pulled yourself apart.

You stared at me with beautiful eyes

Green with the whites so red.

You asked to go inside.

You wanted to talk, you said.

We walked into the lounge room,

I went to make us some tea.

Returning with the drinks I saw

Your face buried in your knees.

I placed a mug in front of you.

You looked at me and smiled.

You quietly said your thanks

and we sipped in silence a while.

With mug empty, and tears dried, you spoke.

Your voice was soft and meek.

You told me of your partners facade;

Loving and affectionate, belying a violent streak.

You recounted how he abused you;

treated you like a punching bag.

How he hit you in places no-one could see

And how he liked to brag.g

You showed me the marks he left behind

The welts and bruises black and blue.

I sat quietly, as you told your tale;

As my anger boiled and grew.

He must be less of a man, I thought

Just a sack of bones and meat.

To harm something so innocent and pure,

So beautiful and sweet.

Your voice break off abruptly

and so again began the tears.

You told me that you hated life.

That you constantly lived in fear.

You told me about his problems.

That he only loved the *****.

You said he was a mean drunk

and his carefree attitude was nothing but a ruse.

You listed off the names he called you

and how they hurt you to the core.

You said the physical torture was painful

but the psychological abuse hurt more.

You said it had gone on for months

and you hadn’t told a soul.

That you only came to me today

Because it finally took it’s toll.

You told me you wanted it to end.

Said that life was for the fool.

You expressed your disappointment

that life had to be so cruel.

You admitted you wanted an out

To finally have some peace.

You tied a rope around your neck

and wanted the pain to cease.

You sat there for a while

Hesitant to take the final leap.

You contemplated the repercussions

of meeting with eternal sleep.

You looked at me through bleary eyes

and told me the asnwer was in your head.

Suicide was selfish you proclaimed.

The solution is talking instead.

You came to me first, you admitted

because I was the one you trusted above all.

You also noted I’d been there

and knew what is was like to fall.

But I was an inspiration.

You took courage from seeing me free.

You found it gave you the strength

To be the person you wanted to be.

I was left speechless

taken aback you felt this way.

Finally I spoke for the first time.

Asking if you needed a place to stay.

You admitted you wanted out of there,

and a hotel you dialled on your phone.

I hung up the phone on you

offering my guest bedroom as your own.

You started crying again,

and thanked me for everything.

I shook my head, and smiled

and responded friends wore more precious than a diamond ring.

I said the room was yours.

On the condition you called the police.

That he couldn’t get away with it,

and then would you finally had the peace.

You agreed to the condition

Told the local station your tale.

They brought your partner up on several charges

And hauled him off to jail.

You settled in with me quickly.

Your old self quickly shone bright.

You said you were a lot happier here

and the sparkle returned to your eyes.

You said this was the happiest you’d been

for almost a year or more.

You asked me if life would return

to what it was before.

I replied in the negative.

And told you it would never be the same.

That you came out stronger then before.

And in you burned a stronger flame.

I said what you went through

Made you the person you are today.

The one who is happy and smiling

and the one who never sways.

I asked you if it was all worth it

knowing this was how the story ends.

You said it was all worth it because you know

what it means to truly have a best friend.

One who was there for you in times of laughter

but also through the tears and pain.

You said if I was there beside you

Then your life wasn’t lived in vain.

The value of friendship

is not something something we can measure.

In times of great turbulence

They are truly hidden treasure.

So if you feel alone in the dark

and that you are lost and all alone.

Do not fret,and don’t despair.

Because good friends will help you find home.

If you’re having trouble

Open up to a friend.

They might be the one to save you

From the darkness in the end.

What if we cannot see?

The bluest of skies;

the clearest of seas.

The beauty around us

no-one to appreciate its majesty.

What if we cannot taste?

The lips of the one we love

The fresh air, blowing freely.

Or the food and drink provided by the earth

to keep us from the finality of death.

What if we cannot feel?

The one one we hold most dear;

who holds our heart with theirs.

Or to feel the warmth of a fire,

pleasant on our uncovered skin.

What if we cannot smell?

The scent of a flower in full bloom;

It’s aroma intoxicating and sweet.

Or the smells of our home we miss

whenever we are not there.

What if we cannot hear?

The sound of cleansing rain on the window

or the music that speaks to our every being.

Or the sound of a newborn baby

crying for it’s mother.

What if the meaning of life is our senses?

To See.

To Taste.

To Feel.

To Hear.

To Smell.

Would life be worth living,

if we cannot experience it fully?

The intricacies of life all around;

no-one could appreciate them,

how truly perfect they are.

What if we were never born with them?

It’s hard to miss something

you never had to begin with.

So for those who haven’t experienced these sensations.

Life is still worth living.

What if this life is false?

Reality isn’t what it seems?

What if this is all just a dream

and we don’t know any differently?

What if we were never born at all?

After everything we have been through

it’s all gone down the drain.

You got everything you needed

whilst I got nothing but pain.

You snatched everything from me,

Took everything I need.

You walked so easily from my life,

And left my heart to bleed.

Ever since you left me,

The day you walked out the door

I have felt numb and empty,

The tears continue to pour.

You said you would always love me,

You said it with such ease.

Now we are nothing but history,

And I am finding it difficult to breathe.

You were my everything.

You meant more thanks words can explain.

You used to be my sunshine,

Now you’re nothing but rain.

We had something special.

Now it’s torn to shreds.

I am left broken and hollow inside,

Replaying memories in my head.

Another day dawned without you,

I still find it really hard.

Knowing you are never coming back

Just breaks my lonely, aching heart.

I can’t stand the thought of you,

As happy as can be.

While I am sitting here all alone,

Darkness is all I see.

You are gone now.

Time to face the facts.

I need to get back up on my feet

And get my life back on track.

I’ll find love again one day.

I hope I find it soon.

Because it is music to my ears to hear

Someone say to me “I love you.”