My shield is shattered
My weapon is worn
My counted blessings are scattered
My emblem is torn
The walls are broken
The gates are destroyed
I have been taken,
Tortured, and toyed
There is nothing left but silence
Not a peep
No longer shielded by ignorance
No tick, not a tock, the clock is asleep
It feels as if an eternity has passed
But my mind has become two decades fast
My patience is gone, replaced with unease
It festers, rots, and spreads like a disease
Grasping the moment, so precious
Then going after the seconds, minutes, and hours
My world of time has only become a thread as I dangle so precarious
I have no more might, slipping away are my powers
I am defeated
My clock tower in ruins
My misery is repeated
More sorrow coming into fruition

Conflicted, conflicted
My mind so encrypted
There is no escape, my memories inflicted
Pouring through thoughts as my emotions drifted
Searching for absolution, through sands of sorrow I've sifted

Conflicted, conflicted
My spirit isn't lifted
Entombed from mistakes wondering what I did
Errors and consequences and a farewell I do bid

Conflicted, conflicted
Thoughts and emotions contradicted
Standing here hollowed, my heart evicted
Still is the world, not much to be gifted

Error, error
Fear and terror
Time to shut down or be lost all over
Again and again with my soul torn asunder

Error, error
Shut down or be caught by despair
To late, it's here, it caught me unaware
The damage is absolute with no way to repair

Error, error
It will never be better
Not a shred of care
Caught in Medusa's stare

Begin rebooting sequence
Letting shutdown commence
Countdown has begun
Five, four, three, two, one

Nothing but darkness
Soul as a black screen filled with emptiness
Clearing all of my thoughts, my whole head
If I didn't reboot, I'd be as good as dead

Startup commence
Beginning with mental defense
Fortification complete
Open emotional files, hit delete

Blank canvas and nothing more
An empty shell of what I was before
It will happen again and again
It will stop, but nobody knows when

I am a blank slate but in the depths of my mind
Are the thoughts and feelings I wish I could leave behind

Our meeting was nothing more
Than a quiet return of a memory
a gentle waking
to love's eternal melody

I  know how much you never wanted me
You don't know that I know
Or maybe you do and that's why you're so distant
As much as I want to I could never fix it
It hurts to think that you favor them more
That they're yours and pure, through marriage even more
I was a surprise, a mistake; unexpected
21 years later, a relationship formed and weary
Straining and wearing thin
Maybe I'll never know what it's like to be close
Maybe I'll never see what a healthy relationship is
You'll always be a hero to me
I'll always be your greatest sin

What is this?
What is amiss?
What is Hell, and what is bliss?
Is it the flame, burning my flesh until it sounds an angry hiss?
Or is it in each other's arms, sealed with a tender kiss?
What is wrong, what is right?
Sleeping peacefully with you this very night
Images in my mind of a great and terrible, beautiful and hideous sight
Darkness all around, snuffing out light
Still waging war on the side of the losing fight
What is sanctuary, what is seclusion?
Staying a good distance from everyone
Watching them all have fun
While I sit under a hood away from the sun
Inside my mind, the only one
Caged in my skull with nowhere to run
These are all just thoughts discarded
Of no importance or use to the shattered-hearted

I'm friends with everyone
We all have loads of fun
I'm so happy with how it's all run
Until FOUR THREE TWO ONE
Shattered hopes, broken dreams
Busting my whole perfect life at the seams
I can hear the cries and screams
Arguments and nightmares
Terrifies and scares
Haunts and horrors
Locks and trapdoors
Fires and pits
Demons and misfits
My broken memory
Was suddenly replaced by reality
Not everyone cares for me
Breaking my delusional stupidity
I thought I was the king of lies
But it turns out that they were my world, my demise
I weep over my torn and murdered world
Leaving my innocence in a pile of blood and lies unfurled

Endless expanses of ice and snow
Getting colder with nowhere to go
A place of terrible vice and sin
Where evil rules all that reside within
No escape from the deadly chill
Or the freezing winds, sure to ****
A place that will rip happiness asunder
A place of horrifying wonders
There is no hope, no sanctuary to find
Forget being rescued if you are left behind
A place that tears my mind apart
This is a frozen wasteland, this is my heart