basil

May 2020

juno

today, may 5, 2020

today, i broke down
the voices in my head got too loud
and i finally caved in

everyone was yelling at me
everyone was mad at me

the thought of food makes me want to *****.

hell,

i thought i got better.

relapse after relapse.

i want to throw up all of those demons.

i just want to talk to someone who'll listen.

May 2020

juno

i relapsed.

basil May 2020

hunger

no one
asks me
for anything

so i
make
my stomach
beg

****.

05.06.2020

#eat

basil May 2020

cry

braced against the wall
tears falling into
a mouth heaving hot air
into the cold night
under the porch light
for all the stars
to see

but never for you
to see

you don't deserve
to know
that you put them there
i refuse
to give you that
satisfaction

last night was rough....

05.06.2020

#cry #tears #night #mother

basil May 2020

eyes

tired eyes
drinking a
cold
glass of water

sad eyes
drinking a
hot
cup of coffee

broken eyes
drinking
nothing
at all

05.04.2020

#eyes #drink #sad #tired #broken

basil May 2020

accordions

accordions collapsing
in my mind
the moment
before sleep rakes
its claws through
my skull

this is what the day feels like right before sleep. am i the only one?

05.04.2020

#accordions #sleep

basil May 2020

sunset

the branches
broke open the sky
and made it
bleed

i lay my head on
your shoulder,
looking at that
bleeding sky
with you

watching
as the blood was
washed away
by a sea of sparkling blue

and i thought to myself:
maybe we can
wash away
our scars
with stardust,
too

and we did, blue eyes.

05.01.2020

#sunset #stardust #day #night #scars #heal