We crave a comfort that touches us like silk
But are afraid of a softness that loosens our skin
There is safety to be found in spaces that are filled
And emptiness tastes bitter when there aren’t hands left to sew you close
Do you find solace in other peoples heartbreaks?
Or are you yearning to let go of your own?
Do you crave promises because you know you can’t keep them?
Can we really find a comfort in someone else’s bones?

You make me feel like a wolf under the full moon.
I am howling for you.
I am calling for you.
I am trying to live in the way you make my skin curl and shed. I have never seen anything like you.
You make me feel like I am the ocean-
I know nothing but to surrender to your push and pull.
(I have never been a good swimmer)
You make me feel like I am going out of my flesh for you. For feeling like I am the only one who wants to see your craters or the way you move yourself against the inky black sky.
I cannot be the only one who is weak to your gravity, but I swear, you will never find someone who floats like me.
Or breaks like me, even. I am stardust captured in skin and bone. You are the moon and I am your own.

Calling me “too much” is a lazy way of saying
You don’t know how to fan the flame of your own fire.
Does my brilliance upset you?
It’s not my fault that the anger runs through my blood like a snake
That settles at the base of my spine
And infuses my light with a red tinted hue
That screams I am NOT to be messed with.

The tongue I hold in my mouth is as sharp as a dagger
And it can spit barbed wire as easily as it can French kiss.
To deny the way I ****, destroy and scream
Is to deny the way I make love and sing universes into creation.

I am not white or black magick.
I am chaos magick.
And I will destroy as I sing Kali’s name,
And hang the heads of men like a garland around my holy throat.

There have been hearts of mine that have cracked under the weight of easy love.
They hold a melody that I have hummed over and over.
Sometimes it begins slow,  like waves crashing on an empty shore.
Sometimes they haunt like a ship with a sail set fire.
I wonder where I will find the next incarnation because I am starting to tire.
The faint ring of intoxication has all but left my soul dy.
I hold a heart who screams in anguish at herself and every lover.
I home a soul too big for this body,
And she craves a song to live by.

I want to give you the space to exist, to settle into the cracks on wood panels and floors that have heard your footsteps in and out again. I could ask you once or twice, where your body goes when your mind’s asleep and where your voice sings to the heavens in moments where your body feels weak. I am afraid of the answers and the places you escape, the darkness is kinder and a muse that will never break. You have existed in mountains and suns glistening anew but like a supernova or a dying star I won’t know about you until I am gone too. I could ask you in the moments when your body surfaces from ocean tides where it has gone in the Summerland, but the realms you travel are dangerous and you dare not hold my hand. But I have lived a life and a half for you, or perhaps with, but you have never swept my bones of stardust across your tired cheeks. I shall not miss the forlorn darkness you were too scared to keep.

"With that body you should get whatever you want"
And I am not just this body.
But
With this body I hold a heart that has loved flesh stretched across continents
A beating monster misunderstood but listened too, with teeth rigid and shined like opal or mother of pearl
A pounding prophecy promising something else, something else, something else is waiting beyond every time I have felt for the off switch with tired eyes
With this body I hold a mind stark in its quest for answers
One that does not settle on maybes or tomorrow or partial answers
A mind persistent in its pursuit for wholeness for oneness for connection to other tanks of skin covered bones with minds and hearts that beat and pound and pursue just as hard
With this body I hold a soul that is as vast as the cosmos.
Stardust sunken in long necked jars lining across my ribs whispering answers that my mind cannot read and my heart is not yet ready to see
This body homes a soul that is part moon, part star, part divinity.
One that finds its homes along stretch marks and supple flesh alike
One that is not dictated by the way I clothe or unclothe my skin
With this body I should get whatever I want because this body is a home and it has never been empty.

You're like the sweetest apple that has ever graced my lips.
Like Eden.
I could eat you for hours.
And taste every inch of your bruised flesh
(and love it all the same)
Nirvana is
nothing
Compared to the nectar that I have found in your skin.
Even at your core you're heavenly.
Temptation couldn't escape you even if she tried.

From forgotten parts of darkened forests, I have seen your eyes peering at the parts of my soul I have grown unaccustomed to showing.
Or maybe it’s the way your curtain falls after nights spent lingering in the shadows- wondering what’s best for the somber spirits you ****** with your cologne.
Your kisses lay like razor blades on skin that’s close to cold, moonbeams flickering on the edge of dreams that crawl between nightmares and terrors.
I have yet to let you in.

I want your bones, rattling cold, every one of them.
For a second, you won't stop, not even as you reach my flesh and cascade like a snowfall
Too quiet to make a sound,
Over each pearl that kisses your skin.

How strange to
miss
a city.

Like saying:
I miss the way you were loved.
The way you felt busy and full
I miss your gloom your cold
your
sidewalks that felt
                           (foreign)
with
new boots to fill and new skies to kiss.

I miss you like a city.
I could navigate your walls
For
      ever

Have you found it
Because I know you've been searching through snowy tracks restlessly
Through empty valleys and moons of full
(I think you pricked your finger on a thorn)
I've seen your footprints
Heavy in the heel like you should know where you're going but can't remember
And you carry that weight past truck stops and treetops. Past rooftops, kissed with smoke
I've seen it
Covered in white fur coats of snow glistening
And I think you walk too quickly to catch it
So I'll sit here and wait until your bones feel warm once again
So maybe one day you can catch me too

I am waiting for you.
Under the Full Moon clouded, and silent. I hear nothing but the summer night.
I, I have never met a storm that strikes as quietly as you- unsure of whether to leave with the breeze or hit like your eyes have been waiting and casting their gaze on me.
You tiptoe around the cracks and creaks and bends of my rivers and I wonder if there will be anything that is uprooted from your embrace.
Deadly is the night but I have seen her long before you arrived. I am worried that I will not feel the warmth of the rain in June.
The only rain I want to feel is you.

The golden seal you've placed at the end of your tongue
Comes undone at the edge of my teeth.
And I peel it back
Slowly
At First
Like a fruit too delicate to eat.

I've worked for hours trying to unwind it.
An incandescent veil beckoning me to cross it.

"Can't you see what you've done?"
But my bones have been stripped for years.
They've been leafed in silver, chrome like a future I want no part of.
Still, like the way you looked at me.
When I pulled away your molten flesh and left you exposed with nothing but your sin to greet me.

I have been told
Twice
By two different men- that I am the most defensive person they’ve ever met.
My skin too thick and my tongue to sharp
(I am supposed to be easy and soft.)
But those men didn’t tend to the garden of my mind or flesh.
They never sowed the seeds I have spent years tending
Or even tried to open the gate I have built with my calloused hands.

Do not judge this mind if you aren’t willing to ******* soul.
There are roses here that don’t need any other hands to prune.
And never forget-
I am of the moon and stars.
The rivers of this body don’t need your approval.
I was never meant to be the clay molded in your hands.

I have nimble fingers that creak and crack at the thought of weighted limbs and tangled flesh.
Like the waxing moon pulling off each of my nails-
One by one.
I am scared of climbing with broken hands.
I am versed in lust but love I have only thought of as
dripping
From my tongue after morning tea.
I am not who I think I am at all-
I have always been afraid of lovers who pull the zipper of my flesh.
I am not as naked without my clothes as without my bones.
I have always worn them crooked.

Today-
I feel special even though the sun has set the exact same way.
Maybe I am finally the the moon, or maybe it's just you.

You’re angular asymmetry caught in the in between
Black holes and dying stars in a universal tragedy
I wanted you to banish but instead you banished me
And now I’m writing letters to shadows of what you used to be

You’re movements in the earth trembling like unsteady stars
You pull my limbs apart like planets orbiting a dying sun
(Tell yourself the truth before you get cut off)
There’s petrified stardust immortalized in your blood
You claim to own the nighttime like she’s a war that can be won
Counting down the minutes until darkness shows her son
A soldier versed in a song unsung