I am lost.









And i don't want to be found.
I need to be *saved

I've learned that no matter how many coins you throw into a fountain or how many fingers you cross, you cannot make someone love you and neither can superstition

2. Almost is the worst way to love someone and if you cannot do it whole heartedly, you should not do it at all

3. I've learned that you cannot trust the things your heart tells you when it's sad

4. I've learned what it feels like to have my throat tighten a little every time I talk about you and I've learned what it feels like to taste pennies in my mouth every time I say your name

5. I've learned that you cannot always be a love story, sometimes you have to make yourself a bridge worth burning

6. Loneliness is when you lay down at night and your ceiling burns with rage because it is only looking at one person

7. I've learned how to know if you really love someone because you don’t give people the power to destroy you that you don't love

8. And I've learned that even if you know it is coming, you can never prepare yourself for how it feels

—and the worn,
blue car rails (like the sky!)
gleaming among the cobbles!

this is where you
own our love
purse your lips and
twist mine
because I am the one who has
to sleep without
you no compromise
you said
as I ran my feet
over
the smooth 12,000
threads but no
body

even the patter of the
rain can’t soothe
it hits my face
in horizontal
crosswind and I sit in
that same fold out
chair on the porch
looking out across the park
at the children playing
in puddles

now when I think of
your highlighted jaw line
I am truly gaping at
the mirror that shiny
shiny reflection where my
eyes pop blue
and I’m magnetized at
your breathy yawn

what’s in your head?
what caused this
boiling
this cream that
settled on my coffee?
actually
already
easily
I am forgetting
interestingly
intriguingly
amazingly
you still taste sweet
when I blast music
in my car and then I hear
myself uttering
*thank you.

The problem with anxiety
Oh please don't talk to me
Please, stranger
Leave me be!

A party?
No thanks, I think I'll pass
I'm the last person you would want to ask
No, I'm not giving you sass
Please stop being such an ***

Every thing i say
Comes right back to my ear
Hearing my words bouncing off
Of an empty atmosphere

Enigmas in the wind
Can't anybody hear?
Hello, is anyone there?
Or are my words just unclear?

Each sound returning
Continuing the fear
Hollow sounds fading out
Only to disappear

you said you prefer red over blue
so i cut open my veins and showed them to you
you said you preferred the night sky over the burning sun
so i painted myself dark and prayed that it would be enough
you said that you only liked girls who picked at the earth
so i tore the petals off flowers and the leaves off of trees
you said you liked girls who spoke harsh words
so i spoke only words that would cut like glass
then, out of no where, you said you preferred blue over red
and i found myself dead